Super Craig: Man of Craig
by Lord Candycane
Summary: After many trials and tribulations, Coon and Friends has finally succeeded in getting its franchise plan off the ground. But when a key member goes missing, their plan to make a billion dollars is in jeopardy. Will Coon and Friends be able to save their franchise plan, and more importantly, will Super Craig be able to rescue the person closest to him from peril?
1. Chapter 1

_So, the recent season of South Park has gotten me back into the mood of the series. This idea came to me recently, and the rest of the plot just starting flowing in. Reviews are appreciated as the story goes along. With that said, let's proceed._

* * *

 ** _Super Craig: Man of Craig_**

* * *

In the dead of night, in a town held in the iron grip of crime and depravity, two headband-wearing girls were trapped in a dark hallway, cornered by a dastardly duo of Chaos.

"Stop!" The one on the left, Lola, commanded as the two closed in, trying to sound brave even while quaking with fear. "Leave us alone!"

"Your pitiful cries cannot deter us, you pathetic whelp!" The blonde Chaos kid with a #10 sign declared, wielding a deadly CD disk. "Accept the flow of Chaos into this town, you foolish mortals!"

"Yeah!" The dark-haired Chaos kid, this one wearing a black-and-white striped shirt, added. "Now surrender. . . and give us your lunch money!"

"Never!" The girl on the right, Jenny Simons, shouted.

"Unburden them of their cash," Chaos #10 commanded the striped Chaos kid. The dark-haired agent of Chaos immediately complied, descending upon Jenny and grabbing hold of her bag of lunch money.

"Let go!" Jenny cried, struggling to wrench the bag out of the Chaos kid's iron grip. However, the wicked Chaos kid was too strong, and tore the bag out of her hands. Seeing her friend in trouble, Lola tried to rush to her aid, only for the striped Chaos kid to grab her and shove her into a garbage can, knocking it over.

As Jenny rushed to her wounded friend, the striped Chaos kid returned to his comrade's side. "Their lunch money," He said, presenting it to him.

"Sweet," Chaos #10 said, taking the bag. "We're gonna get some hardcore cotton candy with this!" The duo burst into wicked laughter.

Lola struggled to sit up, helped by Jenny. "You won't get away with this, you assholes!" She threatened.

"Oh yeah?" Chaos #10 asked, smirking. "And who's gonna stop us?"

"Try looking to the sky, dude!"

Instantly, the Chaos kids' grins vanished and was replaced with a look of fear. Looking up, they saw a dark figure standing above them, high up on the rooftops, looking down on them like a deity would a mere mortal.

"Oh, shit!" The striped Chaos kid said, clutching his comrade's side in fear. "It's _him_!"

The figure dropped onto the ground in front of the two girls, facing the agents of Chaos standing before him. His black hair blew in the wind. The tools strapped across his body glistened. And his eyes burned with resolution to deal out justice.

It was Toolshed.

Immediately, Lola and Jenny let out relieved smiles. The two held onto each other as they watched the famous superhero stand up against the forced of evil.

Toolshed looked at the lunch money in the Chaos kids' hands. "Stealing a girl's lunch money?" He asked, a dark grin appearing on his face. "That's two strikes. Looks like the two of you are gonna need a timeout."

Chaos #10 narrowed his eyes. "You dare disrupt the flow of Chaos?" He snarled. Whirling upon his comrade, he roared, "You! Deal with him!"

To his shock, however, his comrade wasn't there. Turning around, he saw the striped Chaos kid bolting out of the alley, unwilling to face the agent of justice.

"You baby!" The Chaos kid called out. Turning to Toolshed, he growled, "Fine, I'll deal with you myself!"

Revealing his CD disk, Chaos #10 launched it at his foe. With his superb reflexes, Toolshed dodged the disk, which lodged itself into the wall. Before the Chaos kid could launch another disk, Toolshed unleashed his screwdriver, hurling it at his foe. The screwdriver struck the Chaos kid dead-center in the chest, knocking him back.

With his enemy stunned, Toolshed surged forward. Chaos #10 could only raise his arms in a futile attempt to shield himself as Toolshed's fist connected with his face. The force of the blow could be heard all throughout the town.

The Chaos kid was flown backwards, landing on his rump. His hands flew to his face, and he felt a warm liquid dribbling down his mouth. "You. . . you broke my nose!" He shouted, tears of pain beginning to glisten in his eyes.

Standing up, he called out, "I'm telling my mom on you!" With that, he turned and followed his comrade out of the alley.

The moment the Chaos kids were gone, Toolshed calmly walked forward. Scooping the bag of lunch money off the ground, he turned towards the two girls, who were still sitting on the ground.

"Don't worry," He reassured them, handing the bag towards Lola. "Agents of Chaos may seem threatening, but like all evildoers, they're cowards at heart."

"Thank you, Toolshed," Lola said as she and Jenny stood up. "We don't know what we could've done without you."

Toolshed smiled and stood tall. "The life of a superhero is filled with danger and tribulations!" He declared. "But in a town corrupted by darkness, it needs a hero to be its savior. And until the war on crime has ended, and evil is vanquished completely, I will take the mantle of that hero..."

* * *

 _"...So remember, the next time you feel alone, just remember that the agent of justice will always have your back!"_

"Dude, that is so cool, dude," Eric Cartman said to his friends Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, and Kenny McCormick in the movie theater as the credits rolled for _The Toolshed Movie._

"I know, right?" Stan replied, a soda in his hand. "I spent weeks recording that speech! I can't believe we're finally getting to see it on the big screen!"

"And to think," Kyle added. "In about a couple months, it'll be my own film up on the big screen! Our franchise plan is finally coming together!"

Immediately, the Boys were shushed by some of the other moviegoers. "Can you keep it down?" Craig Tucker asked from an aisle up, his boyfriend Tweek Tweak by his side. "We're trying to watch the movie."

The Boys craned their necks backwards to face him. "Craig, the movie's already over," Stan pointed out.

"Not until the credits are done," Craig replied, munching on his popcorn bag.

The Boys exchanged glances. After a few moments, Cartman said, "Let's just go." With that, the four got out of their seats and left.

* * *

Within the town of South Park, a superhero group had formed, comprised of kids of different backgrounds, but united by a common goal: to make a billion dollars in a superhero franchise.

They were known as Coon and Friends.

The group had faced a few. . . setbacks, to say the least, during their mission. They had been forced to deal with online slander, a civil war, and their franchise plan undergoing multiple time-consuming revisions. But they had persevered, and had managed to finally formulate a working franchise plan, with each hero given their own Netflix series and feature film, all of them mathematically equal to the other.

Their first film, _The Coon Movie_. . . hadn't been much of a success, but don't tell Eric Cartman that. Their second film, _Mysterion Rises_ , had proven more profitable, and succeeded in gaining the group an audience. _The Tupperware Movie_ had been an even greater success (which pissed Cartman off, to say the least), and their latest film, _The Toolshed Movie_ , was on its way to being their biggest success yet.

After many trials and tribulations, it seemed like Coon and Friends were finally on its way to achieving their goal. They were on a winning streak, and it was as if nothing could stop them.

Or at least, that was what they thought.

Little did they know, a massive wrench was about to be wedged into their plans.

* * *

 _First chapter up. Once again, reviews are appreciated._


	2. The Bad News

_Review responses will be next chapter. BTW, for those curious, the title is a reference to one of the film titles in the original Franchise Plan in The Fractured But Whole._

 _With that said, let's continue._

* * *

In the South Park Elementary cafeteria room, news was abuzz about the latest flick in the _Coon and Friends_ franchise. It seemed all anyone could talk about was how spectacular of an action film it was.

"I'm telling you, you should've gone and saw it with us last weekend!" Isla was telling Theresa at their table. "The effects were some of the best in the franchise so far!"

"Yeah, it seemed so real!" Riley added. "And did you hear? Lola and Jenny Simons got a cameo in the film."

Some of the girls gasped. " _Our_ Lola and Jenny?" Heidi asked, stunned. She turned her head towards the two girls in question, who were sitting at another desk far off. "How the heck did they manage to pull that off? I can only imagine how tight the hiring bid for that franchise is."

At that moment, a certain Clyde Donovan happened to stride up to the girls. "Hey ladies, what's up?" He asked in a suave tone.

"Nothing, just talking about the latest flick," Isla replied.

"Oh, you mean that _Toolshed_ movie?" Clyde asked. When the girls nodded, he leaned in and whispered, "You know - and don't tell anyone else this - but I hear they're actually hiring from this very school."

"Yeah, we heard that two of the cheerleaders already got in," Heidi replied.

"You know, I'm actually friends with a few members of those Coon and Friends," Clyde said slyly. "Perhaps I could put a few words in, and they'll look to hiring you for one of their shows?"

"Really?" Some of the girls said, their interest piqued.

"You know, just a suggestion," Clyde said, stepping back. "If you're interested." With that, he turned and headed off, leaving the girls to ponder his words.

As soon as he took his seat between Token and Kenny, Kyle asked, "Did it work?"

"Totally," Clyde replied. "Those girls bought it hook, line and sinker. I spread the word to the volleyball team, too."

"Sweet," Stan said, seated next to Kyle. "So not only will we be stinking rich, we'll also be swimming in chicks!"

"Stan?"

Nearly springing out of his seat in surprise, Stan whirled around to see who had spoken. It was Wendy.

"We're still studying together after school, right?" She asked, her face blank.

Stan was silent for a few moments, briefly wondering if she'd heard his last statement. After a few moments, he replied, "Um, yeah, totally. I'll be at your house at 4 o'clock."

Wendy gave him an odd look, then left to return to her table with her friends. The moment she was gone, Token said, "Hey, has anybody seen Craig, by the way? I looked at our schedules, and his film is up next."

The boys turned to Tweek, who was sipping at his coffee anxiously. When he noticed all the eyes on him, he asked, somewhat alarmed, "W-What?"

"Is Craig up-to-date on _The Super Craig Movie_?" Cartman questioned. "We have a tight schedule, and we can't afford any screw-ups."

"What?" Tweek asked, twitching slightly. "O-Of course he is! Craig is always up-to-d-d-date-"

"Tweek, Craig knows how we run this," Kyle reminded him. "We release a batch of episodes for our Netflix series, and then we get on to the film, then return to the show. This is a monthly thing, Tweek; we can't afford for him to go off-schedule!"

"I know, dudes!" Tweek reassured them, though his tone was exactly the opposite.

"Then could you at least remind him?" Kyle asked. "Don't forget, _The Human Kite Movie_ is scheduled to come out immediately afterwards. We wrote Craig's flick in a way to set up the circumstances for my movie. I, especially, can't afford any delays."

"I got it, you guys!" Tweek said, twitching even more. "I'll tell him, I promise!"

* * *

The moment school was over, Tweek rushed off to find his boyfriend. It didn't take long until he found chullo hat-wearing boy sitting on the bench, his chin resting on his fist.

Craig wasn't known for his vast array of expressions. The only people who could tell what he was feeling at any given moment just by looking at him were Craig's family - and Tweek.

And right now, Tweek knew Craig was contemplating. On _what_ , exactly, he wasn't sure.

Taking a seat next to him, Tweek said, "Hey, babe."

"Hey Tweek," Craig replied in a dull voice. Though his tone was hardly different than usual, Tweek could tell something was off. He sounded more. . . fatigued than usual.

"I was talking with the guys, and they wanted to know if you were up-to-date on _The Super Craig Movie_?" Tweek explained. "You know our schedule, right?"

"How could I forget it?" Craig replied, not even looking at Tweek. "Cartman and Kyle only mentions it every fucking day."

Tweek paused for a moment before replying. "So. . . you're on it? The film, I mean? You finished the first season of _The Super Craig Show_ , so you're working on the film, right?"

Craig let out a sigh. "Tweek, um, these past few days and all, I've been thinking a bit," He said, his voice a little wearing. "And I feel like I need to get something off my chest."

"Um. . . okay," Tweek said, a little worried by Craig's tone. "What is it? You can talk to me."

Craig rubbed the back of his head. "I think this is something I need to tell the whole group, actually," He said, a regretful tone in his voice.

Tweek raised an eyebrow. ". . . Okay," He said, though deep down, he was a little worried. Craig almost never sounded so. . . fragile.

What could possibly have gotten him so concerned?

* * *

"Stan, which of these dresses do you think I should wear for my date with Kevin?" Red asked Stan at the mall later that day, holding up three dresses. The two were joined by Annie, Lola and Bebe.

"Um, the black one looks nice," Stan said, though he was truthfully ambivalent on all of them.

Ever since Coon and Friend's franchise plan had kicked off, Stan had found himself spending more time with the girls. While he'd previously considered some of them to at least be outer-circle friends, they seemed to have gained more of an interest in hanging out with him, especially now that word had spread through the grapevine that he was part of Coon and Friends and was part of the hiring team. While part of him was indeed flattered by the attention, he hoped his real girlfriend wouldn't get the wrong idea.

"No way, the green one looks best," Bebe interjected, snatching it out of Red's grip.

"Uh, I guess the green one is nice, too," Stan replied, shrugging.

"Honestly Stan, someone with your fashion standards needs girls like us to keep you grounded," Bebe said to him. "Imagine what will happen when you go on _your_ date? Wendy will be all prettied up and you'll just be in your normal dull coat."

Stan blushed a bit. He opened his mouth to disagree, but went silent when he realized how accurate Bebe's words were.

"Alright then," Lola said, picking two suits. "Which of these looks best on Stan?"

Before Stan could give his opinion, the other girls immediately interjected. "Definitely the blue one!" "No, the black one!"

As Stan watched the girls bicker with each other, his phone rung. He noticed it was coming from Kyle.

Inching away from the girls, Stan asked, "What is it, Kyle?"

"Human Kite calling," Kyle replied, his voice deepened. "Craig called. He's hosting a meeting at our HQ. Be there in-costume in twenty minutes."

"What?" Stan asked. "But I have to study with We-" Before he could finish his sentence, the call ended.

Stan let out a groan. At that moment, the girls walked up to him, Bebe asked, "Well Stan, which suit will it be?"

Stan turned to them. "Um, actually, I need to run. Bye." He turned to leave.

"But your date's this week!" Annie reminded him.

"I'll choose later!" Stan called out to them. With that, he rushed out of the mall and headed to his house to get his costume.

* * *

In the headquarters of Coon and Friends, the Coon paced around the table. Most of the other members had already arrived, with the exception of Toolshed, Wonder Tweek, and ironically, Super Craig.

"What's taking that stupid asshole so long?" The Coon asked, annoyed. "He's the one who called this stupid meeting."

"You know Craig," Tupperware replied. "He's never been one to give a crap about anything. Including being on-time."

The basement door opened, and the group heard Cartman's mother call out, "Honey, do you have all you need? I've baked muffins for your friends."

"Not now, mom!" The Coon shouted.

After a few more minutes, the final three members of Coon and Friends finally showed up. "Took you guys long enough," The Coon said as they took their seats at the table. "Now, let's address the matters at hand."

As Super Craig was about to open his mouth, Mosquito piped up, saying, "So, what's the news on _The Toolshed Movie_?"

"It's been very nice, Mosquito," The Coon said. "The latest news says it's on its way to making $200 million by the end of the month; our highest gross yet."

The other members of Coon and Friends immediately started cheering. "And Mysterion's Netflix series has been a huge hit, too!" Tupperware replied. "Each episode has managed to get more viewers watching it."

"We're gonna. . . we're gonna. . . be st-stinking rich, for sure!" Fastpass stuttered out.

"Now that Super Craig's series has finished its first batch, we can get on to making the movie!" The Human Kite said. "And not only that, but it'll serve as a teaser for my flick, getting even more people interested in seeing me on the big screen!"

"We're gonna net a billion dollars for sure!" Toolshed exclaimed.

"Now guys, Super Craig called this meeting," Mysterion reminded them. "We have to hear what he has to say."

The group all turned to Super Craig, who was sitting at the far end of the table. "Oh, yeah," Toolshed said, shifting his eyes. "Alright, Super Craig, what is it you wanted to tell us?"

Super Craig took the time to look every other member of Coon and Friends in the eyes. He hesitated for a few moments, then hung his head and let out a deep breath.

"I quit."

A haunting silence fell over the group. Every other member went numb, their brains seeming to shut off at the same time as they were struck by the news.

"W-What?" The Human Kite said, wondering - hoping - that he'd heard wrong.

"I'm quitting Coon and Friends," Super Craig repeated. "I don't want to be part of the group anymore."

". . . You can't quit Coon and Friends," The Coon said, aghast. "Your movie's scheduled to come out next month!"

"I'm sorry, you guys, but I'm just not feeling it anymore," Super Craig said. "You'll just have to continue on without me."

He got out of his chair and turned to leave, but the Human Kite rushed up and stopped him. "Craig, stop!" He said in a panicked tone. "Don't you remember? Our two movies are connected! You can't just quit now! Do you have any idea how many rewrites we'll have to do? That could delay my movie by, like, two months!"

"Look, Kyle, I'm sorry-"

"You don't sound sorry!"

"-But I just can't do this anymore," Craig finished. "Goodbye, you guys." With that, he walked up the stairs and left the basement, leaving the rest of the group in utter shock.

". . . That inconsiderate asshole," The Coon whispered, still stunned, after a few moments of silence.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	3. The Setback

_Frostylicious: There will be a reason given, but not right now._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Whoa back._

* * *

It didn't take long for word to spread through the grapevine that Craig had quit Coon and Friends. The news that _The Super Craig Movie_ had been cancelled, and by extension, thrown the rest of the franchise off-balance, was hard to keep under wraps, and by the very next day, it was all anyone was talking about.

Normally, the members of Coon and Friends liked the extra attention they were receiving from their classmates thanks to their "secret" identities. Currently, however, as they were followed by a large crowd of their peers, they couldn't be less thrilled.

"Stan, is it true that Craig quit the team?" Bebe asked as she, and a number of other 4th graders, followed the group down the hallway.

"What is that going to mean for _The Human Kite Movie_?" Heidi added. "Aren't all of your films linked?"

"Does this mean the _Mysterion_ franchise is ending?" Brimmy added, disappointed.

At that point, Cartman whirled around on the crowd. "Okay, people, make no mistake!" He snapped at them. "We may have had a bit of a setback, but this does not mean the _Coon_ franchise-" He stressed the word "Coon" -"is ending! We will make that billion dollars!"

The crowd immediately devolved into endless questions, all of them shouting over each other. Quickly getting annoyed, the superhero team retreated into the boys' bathroom and locked the door to grant themselves a temporary reprieve.

"Okay guys, what the Hell are we going to do?" Stan asked the moment they had locked the door.

"I don't know," Clyde replied, shrugging his shoulders. "We never came up with a backup plan in case something like this happened."

"That was pretty stupid of us," Token pointed out. "We're superheroes, for crying out loud! We should've come prepared!"

"We wouldn't need to come prepared if Craig hadn't bailed on us, the stupid asshole," Cartman growled vehemently, pointing a finger at Token.

"I still don't understand why he quit," Kyle said, rubbing his forehead. "Was it because his show wasn't as popular as Mysterion's?"

"Craig always has been something of a glory-hog," Stan sneered, memories of their brief run of the "Super School News" newscast flooding into his mind.

"Guys, we need to focus," Kenny said through his parka, snapping the group's attention back to him. "We can't keep worrying about Craig and focus on how we're going to fix this. Otherwise, we'll never get any chicks."

"Kenny's r-r-right," Jimmy stuttered. "We swore an oath we'd make that b-b-billion dollars."

"Exactly, you guys!" Cartman said, raising his arm and clenching his fist tightly. "We all knew the risks of becoming superheroes! We knew we'd face assholes who'd try to stop us from making that billion dollars!"

"But we never thought it'd come from one of our own," Kyle said.

"That's what makes the life of a superhero so strenuous," Cartman replied. "But when you take up the mantle of a hero, you have only two options. You can either be a pussy and quit, like certain people, or you persevere, no matter what! And you push forward, until you've finally succeeded. And that billion dollars is finally-"

"Guys, can you open the damned door!" Kevin's voice called from outside the washroom. "I need to pee!"

"Then take your wiener and shove it up Red's ass!" Cartman retorted furiously. Turning back to the rest of the group, he immediately continued, "-And that billion dollars is finally yours! And I don't know about you guys, but for the Coon, there's only one option for him! Now who's with me?!"

"Yeah!" The rest of the boys cried.

* * *

Unlike the rest of Coon and Friends, Tweek wasn't very accepting of receiving attention. And now that news was out that his boyfriend had quit Coon and Friends, he'd become even more agitated than usual. Without even looking, he could already feel the other students watching him. Glaring at him.

As he shuffled through his locker, trying to find his secret thermos of coffee to alleviate his stress, he noticed a shadow behind him. Whirling around in shock, he found Red, Lola and Annie, the three of them glaring at him.

"W-What?!" He cried out, twitching uncontrollably.

"Is it true?" Red asked, her hands on her hips. "Did Craig really quit Coon and Friends?"

"I don't know why he did it, I swear!" Tweek pleaded to them, his eye twitching erratically.

"Aren't you upset?" Lola needled him. "I mean, you and Craig are a duo! Your series doesn't work without him."

"I had no control over it!" Tweek cried out, backing up against his locker.

"Well you have to do something," Red said, pointing a finger at him. "We were already signed up to be actresses for _The Human Kite Movie_."

"Me? Why me?!" Tweek asked, trembling.

"You're his boyfriend," Annie said, she and the other girls moving towards him. "He'll have to listen to you."

"You don't understand!" Tweek said, on the verge of a breakdown as the girls approached. "I can't just change his mind! Craig's-"

"Hey!"

Before Tweek could react, a flurry of blue zoomed past him. Before he knew it, all three girls were lying on the floor, Craig standing over them, a furious expression on his face as he shielded Tweek.

"What the Hell are you three doing to my boyfriend?" Craig asked, his teeth gritted.

"Nothing!" Red defended, sitting up. "We just want to know why you quit!"

"It's none of your business!" Craig growled. "Now get lost! And if I catch you harassing Tweek again, I'll-"

"Okay, okay, we'll leave," Lola interrupted, rolling her eyes. Getting up, the three headed off down the hallway.

The moment they were gone, Craig turned to Tweek, his face twisted into concern, or at least, as concerned as he could manage. "Tweek, are you alright?" He asked, raising his arms towards his boyfriend, stopping short of touching him.

"I'm fine," Tweek said, calming down now that the girls were gone. "You didn't have to knock them down."

"I thought you were in trouble," Craig said. "I know the rest of the school's pretty pissed off at me right now."

"Craig, why'd you quit?" Tweek asked, sounding exhausted. "It really messed the rest of the group up. They've had to change everything now."

"I know," Craig replied, sounding a little guilty. "It's just, I don't feel I belong in that group anymore."

"But Craig, the girls are right!" Tweek said. "How am supposed to go and make my own movie without you?! Wonder Tweek is nothing without Super Craig!"

"Hey, don't talk like that!" Craig said, gripping Tweek's shoulders tightly. At first, Tweek thought Craig was mad at him, until Craig continued. "You're your own person, Tweek. No one else makes you; you make yourself! Super Craig or no Super Craig, Wonder Tweek is still Wonder Tweek, and nothing will change that!"

"Craig. . ." Tweek whispered, staring into Craig's eyes.

"Even if I'm not there anymore, promise me you'll still be a hero," Craig said, his voice sounding almost pleading. "Above all else, Tweek. . . be a _hero_."

"I. . . I'll try, Craig," Tweek whispered, and pressed himself into Craig's arms.

As the two boys embraced, they didn't notice several figures watching them from behind the corner.

* * *

Long after school ended, Tweek finally returned home. He had previously conversed with the rest of Coon and Friends regarding their next course of action now that Craig had left the team. The experience had been extremely stressful and exhausting, especially since no one had come up with a satisfying plan, and Tweek was just glad to be home.

As Tweek walked through the door, his parents immediately greeted him. "Hey, how's my multi-millionaire gay son?" Mr. Tweak asked, holding a coffee mug. "Is your group still holding up?"

"Yeah, dad," Tweek said, his eyes heavy-lidded after a long day.

"You seem tired, son," Mr. Tweak said, his tone not changing. "Need some coffee?"

"No, I think I just need some sleep," Tweek groaned, and struggled to pull himself up the stairs to his room.

As Tweek vanished up the stairs, his parents sat down on the sofa and turned on the television to see what was on the news. On the screen, the headline _Is This the End for Coon and Friends?_ blazed in bright colors.

 _"The state of Colorado was stricken in shock after news that the burgeoning celebrities and superhero team Coon and Friends had lost a core member!"_ The news reporter said. _"While the details remain to be seen, fans are worried that this new development may spell the end for the new franchise, and less than a year before it began!"_

"What a load of garbage," Mr. Tweak said. "As if Tweek will let his no-show boyfriend stop him from making us a billion dollars."

"You have to admit, honey, now that Tweek doesn't have the "first gay superhero" thing going for him, his franchise may lose attention," His wife pointed out.

"He's still gay, though," Mr. Tweak replied. "Just because his boyfriend's not in the movie anymore, it doesn't change that."

Before they could continue the conversation, the two heard a rather loud knock on the door.

"Honey, get the door," Mr. Tweak said, still watching the news.

Getting up, Mrs. Tweak approached the front door and opened it. "Yes, who is it-"

 _THOK!_

Quickly, Mr. Tweak sprang upwards as he heard a sickening cracking noise. Whirling around, all he saw was his wife tumble onto the ground, a huge bruise on her face.

"H-Honey?" He whispered, horrified. Slowly, his gaze rose from his fallen wife to her masked assailants, one of whom was wielding a baseball bat. The two were giggling mischievously.

"W-Who are you?" Mr. Tweak asked, both enraged and fearful.

The masked figures didn't respond; instead, they simply continued laughing.

Then, they charged at him.

* * *

Tweek sprung from his sleep as he heard a crashing noise coming from downstairs.

"M-Mom?" He asked, his voice shaky. Not getting out of bed, he simply listened to what was going on downstairs. He heard his father's voice, sounding unusually angry and worried, and the sounds of things getting smashed. It quickly occurred to Tweek that a struggle was taking place.

"Burglars?!" He yelped, his mind quickly coming to that conclusion.

As he sprung out of bed, he heard his father give out a yell, followed by a thumping noise. "D-Dad?" He stuttered, his heart racing.

What was he going to do? What _could_ he do? His house was under attack! That was way too much pressure!

Eventually, despite his fear, Tweek felt he had to protect his parents. He was about to rush through the door and go downstairs to confront whoever had broken into his house when he heard the window to his room creak open.

Immediately, the night's cold breeze flushed into the room, causing Tweek to shake even more erratically. As he stood, petrified in fear, he noticed a shadow loom over him.

Whirling around, Tweek cried out, "Who are you?! No, get away! Gah!"

That was the last thing Tweek said before everything went black.

* * *

 _Read and reviews._


	4. Missing

_Frostylicious: Thanks for the compliments. Nice to know Tweek and Craig's relationship was handled well; considered the plot demands they're separated for much of the story, it's important their bond was established early._

 _Chcknrice: Which argument? I admittedly haven't viewed much of the game._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Alright...no offense, but I'd appreciate a bit more of an opinion. Writing one-word comments like "Whoa" or "Oh God" tells me next-to-nothing._

* * *

When Craig awoke the following morning, he instantly knew something was wrong.

He'd grown used to Tweek coming over to his house and waking him up for school. He'd practically become his replacement alarm-clock. Today, however, it was his father's voice who woke him up, instead of his boyfriend.

"Craig, get your lazy butt out of bed," His dad, Thomas, called out from downstairs. "It's 10 after 7."

With an agitated groan, Craig dragged himself out of bed. His dad's voice was a much less pleasant wake-up call than Tweek's. But that led to the inevitable question:

Where _was_ Tweek?

He pondered the question the whole time he was getting ready for school. Had Tweek gotten ill and was staying home? Did he need to get to work on his show earlier than usual? Or, Craig feared, was he still sore about him abandoning Coon and Friends?

As he left for school, he forced himself to shove those thoughts away. After all, he couldn't expect Tweek to _always_ be there for him. If Coon and Friends were going to have to learn to adjust to his absence, he should be able to accept his boyfriend's absence.

Right?

* * *

When Craig arrived at the bus stop, Clyde, Token and Jimmy were all there, waiting for him. As he approached, he couldn't help but notice they all had a somewhat nervous expression as they noticed him. He also thought he caught Token whisper something to the other two, then shut up once he was there.

"Hey, you guys," He said flatly as he took his place next to Clyde.

"Hey Craig," Clyde replied briskly.

"Nice to see you," Token mumbled.

"H-How's it goin'?" Jimmy greeted.

Craig noticed that all the boys seemed to be making an effort to avoid looking at him. He really hoped they weren't still salty about him quitting the team.

"So, uh, anything interesting happen?" He asked in as friendly a tone he could manage, hoping to lighten the mood. He wanted to reassure them that even though he wasn't in their superhero club, he was still their friend regardless.

For some reason, that simple question seemed to put the other three on edge. A bead of sweat dripped down Token's forehead, and Clyde gulped.

"Well, yeah, but we didn't think you should know-" Clyde began, but was cut off by Token jabbing him with his elbow.

Now Craig was suspicious. "Guys, did something happen?" Craig asked, now turning to stare at them. "Are you having difficulty with your franchise plan?"

None of the three boys turned to face him. Instead, they just started awkwardly shifting a bit.

Out of patience, Craig took a step forward, grabbed Clyde by the shoulder, spun him around so he was looking him dead in the eyes, and growled, "Dammit guys, what happened?"

"Uh, well, uh-" Clyde stuttered, but Token simply let out a sigh and pointed at the community board on the other side of the street. Craig followed his finger, and finally saw something he'd failed to notice before, tacked onto the board.

It was a missing poster.

And dead center in the poster was the frightened face of his boyfriend.

* * *

"You gotta be fucking kidding me with this bullshit!"

"Cartman, calm down-"

"Who do these assholes think they are?!"

"Cartman, seriously-"

"Don't they know my anxiety is already through the roof?!"

"Shut the Hell up, Cartman!"

The boys stood at Cartman's locker room, ranting with one another. Cartman's face was blood red as he vented.

"I mean, seriously, another no-show?" He shouted. "First Craig bails on us, and now Tweek just goes and gets himself kidnapped? What's next? Is Token going to go and live with lions again?"

"Cartman, it's not like it's his fault Tweek got kidnapped," Stan said, trying to be reasonable.

"Well, I'm sorry Stan, but if this shit goes further south, we're going to hit South Africa!" Cartman retorted. "Now we gotta cut _two_ movies from our franchise plan. How are we gonna make a billion dollars now?!"

"Cartman, can you shut up about the money and think about how Craig's being affected by this?" Stan asked. "You know how close he and Tweek are."

"Who cares, he's not in our group anymore," Cartman snapped. "And besides, you're just saying that cause your movie's already made nearly $200 million."

"Cartman, will you. . . oh, shit," Kyle said, just as he noticed a familiar figure come around the corner. "Guys, it's him."

All eyes in the hallways turned as none other than Craig appeared. All of his schoolmates stared at him as he silently made his way to Cartman's locker, his eyes cloudy. They were intrigued, and also a little afraid, to see how Craig was going to handle his boyfriend's sudden disappearance.

Even Cartman went quiet as Craig stopped in front of him. "Um. . . hey, Craig," He muttered, shifting his eyes. "You, uh, you doin' good?"

Craig's eyes were empty, and his nose was red. "Is it true?" Was all he asked, his nasally voice sounding more fragile than usual.

"Uh. . . I'm sorry to say it is," Stan said, rubbing the back of his head.

"How?" Craig asked simply, unnervingly calm, though the boys could tell it was merely a front.

"Nobody knows," Kyle replied. "Tweek's parents say that they were attacked last night by two intruders. They got knocked out, and when they came to, Tweek was just gone. Nothing else was taken."

"How could this happen?" Craig asked, looking at his feet.

"Craig, listen, the police are handling this," Stan reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Sergeant Yates is leading the investigation."

Craig lifted his eyes and glared at Stan in response. "Dude, that _really_ isn't reassuring," Kyle pointed out.

"Oh, yeah," Stan replied, looking at the ground.

Craig simply stared at them blankly. He looked lost, confused, as if he were still trying to comprehend this sudden turn of events. Kyle approached him slowly, raising his arm, and looked like he was about to say something, but Craig dodged out of his grasp.

Without another word, he left.

* * *

 _I know this chapter was shorter than the others, but we'll get more insight into Craig's feelings next chapter. With that said, read and review._


	5. Memories

_Frostylicious: All will be revealed in time._

 _South Down: Refer to what I said to LivingOnLaughs._

 _Chcknrice: Uh..._

 _Guest1: Well then, I hope I don't disappoint._

* * *

"Now students, I know this recent development has been hard on all of you, m'kay?" Mr. Mackey told the 4th grade students in the library later than day. "I know a lot of you were friends with Tweek, and some of you really cared about him, m'kay. So his disappearance can be hard to bare. But we're just gonna have to accept that there's nothing we can do about it at the moment, and hope he turns up safe and sound."

The students stared back at Mr. Mackey, silent. Some of them appeared deep in thought. In the center of the students, Craig sat in his chair, his eyes cast downwards, a look of anger and guilt shimmering across his features.

"Now until Tweek is found, the best we can do is send our prayers to his parents, who are no doubt worried sick about the loss of their son, and help each other cope, m'kay?" Mr. Mackey advised the class. "And get through this together, as a school."

As he finished his statement, Craig's eyes darkened. He gritted his teeth and shut his eyes, struggling to keep his emotions buried.

For once, it was a genuine struggle.

* * *

As the students left the library, Bebe caught up with the non-costumed members of Coon and Friends.

"So, uh, due to recent events. . . _now_ does this mean the _Mysterion_ franchise is ending?" She asked. The other kids began to crowd around the Coon and Friends members, curious for an answer.

"Bebe. . . shut the Hell up," Cartman said, trying to keep a cool head.

Some of the kids exchanged glances. "I guess we're gonna have to look to get hired somewhere else," Jason murmured to Douglas.

"Ah, shove it, Jason!" Cartman snapped at him. "Like any other film studio would want to hire your half-bald ass! Now get out of here, all of you!"

The other kids started mumbling to themselves and dispersed. As they left, Stan turned to the rest of the group and said, "Look, there's no need to worry. We'll just regroup at Cartman's house and message all our classmates to tell them we've reopened the hiring booth. Remember, each of you is in charge of hiring for your own movie."

The other members of the group nodded in agreement. They then split up, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman heading off in one direction, Token, Clyde and Jimmy going off to another, and the remaining ones merely dispersing.

Token, Clyde and Jimmy weren't heading to class, though. Instead, they headed off towards the restroom to have a "chat" with one of their peers.

* * *

In the restroom, the cheerful singing of Leopold "Butters" Stotch could be heard from out in the hallways. The other students ignored it, as Butters' singing was hardly uncommon.

Except for Token, Clyde and Jimmy. For them, it was like a tracking device.

"Lu, lu, lu, I've got some apples, lu, lu, lu, you've got some too-"

Without a second thought, Token swung the restroom door open so hard it slammed against the wall, cutting Butters off mid-song. He, Clyde and Jimmy stormed into the restroom, their eyes narrowed.

"Oh, hey fellas!" Butters said, currently using the urinal. He didn't seem to notice the obvious enmity emitting off of his peers.

"Cut the crap, Butters!" Token snapped, pointing a finger at Butters. "You know what we're here for!"

Butters smiled vanished. "W-What do you mean?" He asked, confused.

Token grabbed Butters by the collar and pinned him against the wall. "You know exactly what we mean, Butters!" He shouted as Clyde and Jimmy approached.

"We'll ask you this nicely once," Clyde threatened. "Did you have anything to do with Tweek's disappearance?"

"What?" Butter asked, baffled. "No! Why would I do something like that?"

"Y-Y-You've been trying to f-f-fuck up our franchise plan since Day 1!" Jimmy retorted. "What better way than by stealing one of its c-c-core members?"

"Hey, I may slander folks on Facebook and all, but kidnapping is just mean!" Butters defended. "Besides, do you have any idea how much that would hurt Craig? Tweek's, like, his whole world!"

"And why should we believe you?" Token asked, tightening his grip on Butters' collar. "How do we know Tweek's not cooped up in one of your Chaos Kids' basements or something?"

"Guys, let him go," A voice near the door said in a calm, but demanding, tone. The four boys turned around to see Craig, apparently having entered the restroom without any of their awareness.

"Craig?" Token whispered, suddenly a little embarrassed. "Um, we, uh, we were just asking Butters if he knew anything about-"

"It's not him," Craig interrupted, his tone not changing.

"H-How do you know?" Clyde asked.

"Come on, anyone with half a brain can tell it's not him," Craig said in an annoyed tone. "Butters' too soft for something like that. Now _let him go_."

Token could tell that wasn't a request, so he immediately released his grip on Butters. They could tell, just by looking, that Craig was in a bad mood, so they quickly rushed past him and exited the restroom.

"Hey, thanks for defending me," Butters said once he and Craig were alone.

"Pull up your pants," Craig demanded, casting his eyes to the side. "I may be gay, but that doesn't mean I like seeing any random dicks."

It was then that Butters realized his pants were still at his knees. "Sorry," He mumbled, pulling them up.

There was an awkward silence. Finally, Butters said, "Hey, I truly am sorry about Tweek, and all. I'm hopin' the cops find him soon."

Craig's stern glare softened ever so slightly, and he leaned against one of the stalls, as if exhausted. He let out a deep breath and closed his eyes, deep in thought.

Butters wanted to say something, but could tell Craig needed to be alone. Without saying another word, he left, leaving Craig to think.

He'd overheard Stan discussing matters with the rest of Coon and Friends. They'd been so calm and rational in spite of all that had happened, able to work things out. _At least they're able to keep their emotions under control,_ he thought to himself, and felt a twinge of envy at their collected disposition.

Of course they're able to keep their emotions under control; no one close to them had vanished without a trace. Tweek was their friend, sure, but none of them had that close bond with him that he had. He was no Ike for Kyle, no Karen for Kenny, no Wendy for Stan. Any emotion they must've felt over his disappearance would've been the same had Tweek been swapped out with any of their other friends.

They were scared for him, no doubt, but it didn't hold a candle to the fear Craig felt.

* * *

The rest of the school period passed by slowly. Craig put up the illusion of paying attention to his classwork, all the while letting his mind drift to thoughts of Tweek, and whatever had become of him. He scarcely noted when the bell rang, signalling that school had ended.

As Craig left for home, he was vaguely aware of the other students staring at him, making comments about him. He tried to block them out, but some of them slipped in.

 _"How do you think Craig's handling his boyfriend's disappearance?"_

 _"Who, him? You really think_ Craig's _one for attachments?"_

 _"I'd give him a month, tops, and he'll be on to the next playtoy if Tweek doesn't show up."_

Craig usually didn't let others' comments get to him, but hearing these snide gossips made his blood boil.

How could they _possibly_ think they understood his and Tweek's relationship? Sure, Craig wasn't one to express himself, but that didn't mean he was void of forming attachments. That he couldn't be hurt. The thought that they could assume, even for a moment, that his bond with Tweek was nothing more than hollow self-gratification was maddening.

As he struggled to empty his mind of his peers' comments, his eyes gleamed the playground a distance away, where some of the younger kids were still playing. As he stared at it, a memory slowly slipped into his mind.

It was the memory of his and Tweek's first fight, before they got together.

His full recollection of what had happened then were rather foggy, other than that the boys had made a bet on who would win between him and Tweek, and pitted the two against each other for the amusement of their classmates. It had ended with him and Tweek in the hospital.

Craig didn't think about that event much, but now that it had randomly come to mind, he realized how much it had shaped him. It had been Craig's first real fight with another person. It was surprising to think that beforehand, for all his reputation as a troublemaker, he'd never gotten into a physical confrontation before. He had no idea what to do when faced with someone else. He was actually lucky that Tweek had had the same lack of experience; had the boys decided to pit him against anyone else, he'd likely have ended up with his face in the dirt without managing to land a single blow in return.

In a weird sort of way, he actually had Tweek to thank for toughening him up. He may have ended up in the hospital, but the experience taught him how to really defend himself and hold his own in a fight. Nowadays, while he may not have been quite as strong as someone like Kyle or Wendy, he was still someone most people would think twice about throwing down with.

The memory caused a glint of a smile to appear on Craig's face, but it vanished just as quickly as it appeared. He wished he could share the event with Tweek, talk about how it had changed both of them, but the knowledge that he now couldn't erased any happiness he might've felt.

It was funny, in a way. When he got into that fight, it never crossed his mind that he'd eventually end up falling for his opponent.

The irony didn't leave him until he reached his house. When he opened the door, his parents and little sister, Tricia, were waiting for him.

"Hey sweetie," His mother, Laura, said, sitting on the couch with her husband and daughter.

"Hey, mom," Craig replied, his eyes cast downwards.

"Look, Craig, we heard about what happened," Thomas said to him. "Uh, want to talk about it?"

". . . Sure," Craig replied after a moment's hesitation. Throwing off his schoolbag, he squeezed into the couch between his family.

"Look, Craig, I know you and Tweek were very close," Thomas said to him. "And believe me, I can understand the pain that you're feeling right now. If you, or your mother, or your sister went missing, I'd be scared to death."

"I just don't know how I can deal with this," Craig said, letting his shell crack as tears started to shimmer in his eyes. "Why would someone just take him away without any remorse?"

"There are bad people out there, honey," Laura said, resting a hand on her son's shoulder. "People who just don't care about who they hurt."

"I wish I could find whoever stole your boyfriend and kick their ass!" Tricia declared, making a few swinging motions with her fists.

"You don't understand how much Tweek means to me," Craig whispered, hugging himself. "He's one of the only two things I care about. Him, and my guinea pig."

There was a long silence between the four. "What?" Thomas asked, as if he didn't hear Craig correctly. "You're saying you don't care about your own family?"

"Craig, I thought we raised you to have strong family values!" Laura snapped at him as she and Thomas got out of the couch. Craig didn't respond; he simply continued to stare at the floor.

"Well sorry for keeping a roof over your head and giving you food to eat!" Thomas yelled in frustration. "Didn't realize that mattered less to you than a fucking gerbil!" With that, he, Laura and Tricia stormed out of the living room, Tricia flipping him off as they left.

The moment he was alone, Craig let out a long sigh and hung his head, dejected.

He was snapped out of his moping when he heard a knocking at the door. Springing out of the couch, he rushed towards the door and swung it open.

"Stan?" He said in surprise when he saw who it was. "Kyle? Kenny? What are you three doing here?"

"What do you think we're doing?" Stan replied. "We're gonna help you find Tweek."

Craig's eyes widened. "R-Really?" He whispered, shocked. "But. . . the police. . ."

"As if they'll be able to handle anything," Kyle said, waving him off. "If there's any chance of Tweek being found, it's gonna have to be us."

"But I thought you were mad at me," Craig said, a little guiltily. "I quit Coon and Friends, remember?"

"So what?" Kyle asked, shrugging. "Part of being a superhero means helping those in need, even if you're upset at them. Remember when you helped me look for Ike after I. . . you know. . ."

"You don't need to remind me," Craig replied. "So you're really gonna help?"

"Would we be here if we weren't?" Stan asked, grinning.

A hopeful smile appeared on Craig's face. "Alright then," He said, determined. "Let's go."

"Well then what are we waiting for?" Kenny asked through his parka. "Let's get a move on!"

The three were about to go, but Craig called out, "Wait!" Spinning around, he quickly hurried upstairs. Stan, Kyle and Kenny stood at the doorway, confused.

Eventually, Craig came back downstairs. But when he did, the boys saw that he had a piece of paper with a big red S written on it taped to the front of his jacket.

" _Now_ we're ready," Super Craig said, his fists on his hips, and his eyes narrowed in determination.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	6. The Scene of the Crime

_Frostylicious: I mainly included that scene because, according to whiteboard development notes for FBW (or so I've heard), Creek indeed only cares about Tweek and his guinea pig. So I figured it'd been funny to see how his family would react to hearing that._

 _South Down: Thanks._

 _Chcknrice: Just be more coherent, next time._

 _Guest1: Usually, Eric gets exactly what he deserves, sometimes less. Regarding the other kids, it really depends on the episode. Regarding Creek, I feel like they originally got together to appease the town, but over time, grew to genuinely care for one another._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Eh..._

* * *

"Someone help me!" Annie screamed in terror in an isolated area of the SoDoSoPa district. "Please!"

"There's no one who can you hear ya, girlie!" One of her attackers, a brunette in dirty clothing, sneered as he and his comrade backed her up against a corner. "You're gonna give us what we want!"

"But my money's already on the ground!" Annie whimpered, quaking in terror.

"Oh, we don't want the _money_ ," Her other attacker, a boy wearing a light grey beanie, chuckled darkly, his grin growing as Annie's eyes widened in terror.

"Spread 'em," The first attacker growled, and with that, the two both grabbed hold of Annie and started roughly wrestling her to the ground.

"No!" Annie cried out in horror. "Please, anything from that! Let me be! Plea. . . okay, okay, cut! _Cut!"_

Immediately, Francis and Douglas released Annie and backed up, confused. Annie got off the ground and turned to the side, saying, "I don't feel comfortable doing this."

Standing behind a series of cameras and film equipment, Cartman and the film crew groaned in annoyance. "Oh come on, Annie!" Cartman cried out. "You were doing great!"

"Yeah, but why does there have to be a _rape_ scene?" Annie asked, shaken up.

"Don't you get it?" Cartman asked. "Dark and edgy is in right now! No one wants to watch light kiddie crap!"

"No, I agree with Annie," Francis said, scratching the back of his head. "I really don't like this."

"Well that's the reality of show business!" Cartman retorted. "Sometimes you have to film things you don't want to do! You're not getting paid to stand around shuffling your feet, so get back to work!"

The three actors groaned, and reluctantly got back in position.

"Alright!" Cartman said, satisfied. "Lights, camera, and action!"

With a groan, Annie re-did her lines as Douglas and Francis pinned her down. "No, please," She said, her voice less enthusiastic than before. "Anything from that. Let me be. Please."

"Doin' great, Annie," Cartman said, relaxing in his seat. "Alright, Scott, you're up."

Immediately, a freckly-faced, costumed young boy pounced on-set behind Douglas and Francis. "Fear not!" The boy said with a lisp, striking a pose. "For it is I, Captain Diabetes!"

Next to Cartman, Token, Clyde and Jimmy watched on, the former groaning and face-palming. "This is gonna suck so hard," He whispered to himself.

As the crew continued to film, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Super Craig strode up. "Hey, guys," Stan said coolly.

Cartman gave a half-glance at the new arrivals. "Oh, it's you guys," He said, rolling his eyes. Upon noticing Craig, he narrowed his eyes and whispered, "What's _he_ doing here?"

"What do you think?" Craig asked, and pointed to the piece of paper taped to his jacket. "Super Craig's back."

Token, Clyde and Jimmy lit up at the news, but Cartman kept his eyes narrowed. "So you finally came to your senses, huh?" He asked, bitterness in his voice. "Well sorry to say, but we've already replaced-"

"Super Craig, you're back!" Token cried out, and he, Jimmy and Clyde rushed to Craig's side and enveloped him in a group hug. "Thank goodness! We thought our franchise plan was doomed!"

"Oh, come on, guys!" Cartman cried out from his seat. "We already had his slot filled! By Captain Diabetes!"

The group glanced at the scene in front of them. On the set, Scott Malkinson was fidgeting around in his costume, Annie, Douglas and Francis sitting down watching, a bored expression on their faces.

"Don't mind me," Scott said to the others. "I'm just looking for my insulin shot. But as soon as I find it, these guys are toast!"

The group turned to stare at Cartman, who giggled nervously.

"So, uh, why'd you come back?" Clyde asked Craig.

"What do you think?" Craig replied. "To find my boyfriend. And who better to help with that than the greatest superhero team in South Park?"

"The police?" Jimmy asked.

Craig let out a sarcastic laugh. "Just get your costumes on," He said dryly. "I already have an idea of where to look first."

* * *

Within the hour, the group was all in-costume and were striding down the street towards their destination: the Tweak Residence.

"That's funny," Tupperware noted once they were on the driveway. "I would've thought the police would still be here."

"Knowing them, they're probably doing the hula back at the department," The Human Kite replied disdainfully. "Now come on, we can't waste anymore time!"

Reaching the doorway, Toolshed and the Human Kite started banging on the front door. After a few moments, the door opened to reveal Mrs. Tweak. Her eyes were red and fresh tears were streaming down her cheeks, and she was dabbing at her face with a handkerchief.

"Oh, hello there, children," She whispered, her voice choked up. "What brings you here?"

The Coon stepped forth. "We came regarding the disappearance of your son," He said, his voice low. "We may have a few questions for you and your husband, ma'am."

"Oh, of course," Mrs. Tweak said, letting the group inside.

Inside the living room, Richard Tweak was holding a small family photo with his son and wife, staring at it somberly, when he noticed Coon and Friends arrive.

"Oh, you're my son's friends," He noted, setting the photo down. Noticing Craig among the group, he added, "And boyfriend. What brings you here?"

"You know exactly what we're here for," Craig said. "We're looking for your son."

"If we want to make finding Tweek easier, it'd be best if we knew what happened last night," The Human Kite said. "You were there when it all went down. Can you explain what happened?"

Richard sighed. "It all happened so fast," He confessed. "It's just a blur."

"Please try," Toolshed implored.

Mrs. Tweek took a seat next to her husband and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Alright," Richard said with a sigh. "We'll try."

"How did it start?" The Coon asked.

"It was late," Richard recalled. "Me and my wife were watching the news, Tweak was asleep. We heard a knock at the door, and my wife here went to get it."

"And then what?" The Human Kite asked.

"As soon as I opened the door, I was struck with a baseball bat," Mrs. Tweak said, and pointed to a large bruise on her forehead. "The force was so sudden that I was knocked out cold!"

"There were two of 'em," Richard added, filling in the parts where his wife was unconscious. "They immediately went for me next. I tried to fight them off, but they attacked me from both sides. They knocked me onto the small table and then smashed me over the head with the bat!"

"What happened when you woke up?" Tupperware questioned.

"When we woke up, we immediately went to check on Tweek," Mrs. Tweak explained. "When we reached his room, the door was wide open. So was the windows. But Tweek was nowhere to be found."

"What did his room look like?" Super Craig asked, his voice rising slightly. "Was there any evidence? Any clothing left, or blood, anything that would leave DNA?"

"Nothing had changed," Richard said, scratching his chin. "Barely any sign of a struggle. They must've overpowered him quickly."

Super Craig hung his head. "So you have no clue who took him?" He asked.

"Wait!" Toolshed said. "What did your attackers look like?"

"Oh, they were very young," Richard explained. "Maybe nine or ten; your age, actually. They were both wearing Chewbacca masks, so we couldn't identify them, but they may go to your school."

Super Craig's eyes narrowed. _So two of his schoolmates were behind it._

Toolshed looked deep in thought. "Any other useful information?" He asked.

"They were laughing quite a lot," Richard pointed out. "And while I may not have quite heard them right, since I was almost passed out, I thought I heard one of them say, 'That's gay'."

Immediately, the Coon's eyes lit up. "Thanks for the information, Mr. and Mrs. Tweak!" He said. "Coon and Friends, let's move!" With that, the superhero team headed out the door.

The moment they were gone, Mrs. Tweak let out a sigh. "I do hope they find our son, soon," She whispered, choking back tears.

"Me, too," Richard said, placing a hand on her back. "I mean, how are we gonna make a billion dollars without him?"

* * *

The moment the team had left the Tweek residence, Tupperware said, "Alright, so if what they say is true, Tweek's kidnappers could be our schoolmates!"

"Yeah, that only narrows it down to several hundred people," Mosquito replied sarcastically. "And I'm sure whoever it is will be all too willing to give themselves up."

"No, wait!" The Coon said. "I already have an idea who it could be! Something Mr. Tweak said got my attention, and reminded me of a pair who've been a thorn in our sides since before I put this team together!"

He exchanged glances with the others. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" He asked the rest of the team, who nodded in response.

"I think we need to pay a pair of old _friends_ a visit," Toolshed said, and his vision darkened.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	7. Coon and Friends Move In

_Frostylicious: Looks like the jig is up...or is it?_

 _Chcknrice: Oh. I appreciate the compliment._

 _South Down: You'll see._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Ooooh what?_

* * *

"Are you sure it's them?" The Human Kite asked Toolshed as the group advanced towards the house of the suspected felons. "I mean, they haven't been real trouble in a while."

"I'm _dead_ sure, man," Toolshed replied, narrowing his eyes as the team neared the house. They stopped a distance away, allowing the tense atmosphere to wash over them. They knew that, if they were correct in their suspicions, they would have this mystery solved in less than 24 hours.

Then they could continue on with their Franchise Plan.

The Coon took a step forward and glared at the house. "I was wondering when we'd go up against these two again," He said, feeling the intensity of the moment as they counted down the minutes to their showdown.

"Bill and Fosse," Toolshed whispered, and he clenched his fists tightly.

Bill Allen and Fosse MacDonald had been longtime rivals of the Boys, especially during their days in the third grade. However, the pair hadn't made it into the same class as the others once they moved up into fourth grade, and had thus fallen under the radar, though they were the occasional pest here and there.

Until now.

Super Craig stepped forward. "Bill and Fosse?" He asked. "Why would they kidnap Tweek?"

"Because you're gay," The Coon said bluntly.

Super Craig furrowed his eyebrows. "What?" He asked, making an offended glance.

"No, Cartman has a point," Toolshed said. "Bill and Fosse are hardcore homophobes. You know how they make fun of everything for being gay. Kidnapping someone for being gay would be right up their alley!"

Super Craig was silent for a few moments, as if trying to digest what Toolshed had said. "Huh," He said, rubbing his chin, deep in thought. After a few moments, he looked up and said, "Huh! Well in that case, those two are _really_ gonna get it!"

With that, Super Craig stormed down to Fosse's house. Charging up the staircase, he banged his fist on the door and yelled, "Hey, you assholes! Open the door right now!"

After a few moments of silence, a deep voice from within the house called out, "Huh huh, who is it?"

"The guy who's gonna crack your heads open if you don't let me in within the next ten seconds!" Super Craig declared.

"Huh huh, that's gay," Came the mocking response. Craig gritted his teeth and growled in anger.

The other members of Coon and Friends strode up to the door. "You're right," Super Craig said, turning to the others. "These guys _are_ homophobes."

"You can't just rush in there, Super Craig," The Coon warned him. "These guys are dangerous. We're gonna have to do a more thorough inspection to see what we're up against." With that, he gave a signal to Toolshed, who looked through the windows to inspect the house.

After a few moments, Toolshed turned back to the group. "They're in there, all right," He informed them. "Nothing seems out of the ordinary, though. Just a couple porn magazines stashed in the corner."

"Really?" The Mosquito asked, his eyes lighting up. "Then what the Hell are we waiting for? Let's go!"

"Alright, you felons!" The Coon shouted through the door. "This is Coon and Friends. Now open the door and let us in! If you cooperate, we might not put you into a full body cast for the nest 6 months!"

On the other side of the door, the team heard Foose whisper, "They're playing superheroes. That's gay."

The Coon narrowed his eyes. "That's it!" He said. "Let's move in!"

"Okay, but we're gonna need a plan," Mysterion said. "Toolshed, see if you can use your tools to gain access to the door. Human Kite, fly to the rooftops and infiltrate the house through their chimney. Coon, you-"

 _CRASH!_

The entire group jumped as they saw Super Craig suddenly chuck a trash can at the window, smashing right through it. Shards of glass flew in all directions, only narrowly avoiding the team.

"Craig, what the Hell?!" Toolshed shouted in shock.

"There's your damn entrance!" Super Craig replied in an annoyed tone. "Now let's go get my boyfriend!"

After getting over the initial shock, the team charged towards the now shattered window. Super Craig was the first to enter the house, followed by Mysterion, Toolshed and the Human Kite.

"Oh shit!" Fosse shouted, sounding genuinely panicked. "Come on, Bill, let's go!" With that, the pair rushed over to find cover.

"After them!" Toolshed shouted. He was about to charge after the two, but paused when he saw the Human Kite call out, "Wait!"

Turning around, he noticed that not all of the group had entered the house. "Fastpass and Doctor Timothy can't enter the house," The Human Kite said. Indeed, the two were still standing at the window, physically handicapped from getting through.

Toolshed groaned. "Coon, open the door for them," He said, sighing deeply. Suddenly, he was hit in the back of the head and fell to the ground. Looking up, he saw Bill and Fosse behind the couch, hurling baseballs at him.

"Take that, huh huh!" Bill called out as the pair hurled the balls at the team.

"Ow!" The Human Kite shouted out as he was struck in the face. He and the rest of the team dove for cover, trying to avoid the assault. Some of them hid behind chairs or hid behind curtains.

Toolshed, Super Craig and the Human Kite grouped up behind one of the couches. "We're never gonna reach them with them hitting us with their balls!" Toolshed pointed out.

"Huh huh, that's extra gay!" Fosse chuckled out.

"Knock it off!" Super Craig shouted out at them. Turning to Clyde, he called out, "Mosquito, could you give us cover? Mosquito?"

Sitting in the corner, Mosquito was busy flipping through the porn magazines, utterly oblivious to the conflict taking place. "Mosquito!" Super Craig shouted, and hurled one of the baseballs at him.

"Hey!" Mosquito shouted out, dropping the magazine.

"Get off your lazy butt and give us some cover!" The Human Kite demanded.

"Fine!" Mosquito groaned, standing up. As he entered the fray, he muttered, "Assholes."

Charging into the middle of the room, Mosquito took to the air, soaring over the team's assailants. Immediately, the pair directed their assault on him, hurling the baseballs towards him. The diversion allowed the rest of the group to abandon their spots and advance upon the two.

"Hey Fosse!" The Human Kite called out, causing the boy to turn towards the Jewish superhero. "Feel the wrath of Human Kite!" With that, he fired his Laser Eyes, striking Fosse square in the chest.

"I'm hit!" Fosse declared, clutching his chest and staggering backwards. He and Bill retreated into the hallways, Coon and Friends giving chase. The two were fast, however, and dove inside Fosse's room, locking the door.

"Let us in, you assholes!" The Coon shouted as the group started banging on the door.

"Step aside!" Toolshed said, shoving past the group. Pressing his power drill against the door, Toolshed activated it and slowly began carving a hole into the wooden barricade. The other members watched on intently, waiting for Toolshed to finish.

After a few moments, Toolshed had succeeded in drilling a large circle-shaped hole into the door. "Let's go!" He shouted, and squeezed through the hole. The moment he did, however, he was whacked upside the head by a baseball bat. Collapsing onto the ground, Toolshed looked up to see Bill and Fosse standing over him, the pair wielding baseball bats, chuckling darkly.

On the other side of the door, the rest of the team watched through the hole. "Baseball bats, just like the Tweaks said," The Coon noted to the others. "So they really are the culprits."

"Hey, could you guys give me a hand here?" Toolshed asked, his head throbbing from the blow.

"Oh no you don't," Bill said, holding the baseball bat up against Toolshed's chin. "All of you back off, or your friend here gets it!"

"You can't win, you scum!" The Human Kite shouted. "We got you surrounded! Lay down your weapons now or else!"

"Or else what?" Fosse asked, chuckling.

"Or else _this_."

Bill and Fosse froze up in surprise. Turning around, the pair's eyes widened in horror when they saw Super Craig in the room with them, standing next to their bookshelf, his hand on the edge.

"Lights out, gay-bashers," He said coldly, and with that, he tipped the bookshelf down over the two. Toolshed quickly scrambled out of the way, narrowly avoiding the shelf as it crashed down onto Bill and Fosse, sending wood and books flying in all directions. Outside the room, the rest of the team shielded themselves as debris flew through the hole at them.

After a few moments, the group looked back through the hole to inspect the damage. The room was a mess, covered in dust and debris. Super Craig and Toolshed were miraculously unharmed however, and walked up to the fallen bookshelf.

Lying underneath the fallen bookshelf was a bruised, bloody Bill and Fosse.

"That's so gay," Fosse whispered, and coughed violently before passing out.

* * *

Not long afterwards, Bill and Fosse were tied to a chair in the living room. They were surrounded by Coon and Friends, excluding Fastpass, who had been sent to investigate the house to find any signs of Tweek.

"Who'd have thought things would've turned out so well?" Toolshed said to the rest of the group. "We've only just started this investigation, and we've already found the culprits! The baseball bats and the Chewbacca masks we found stashed in their closet are all the evidence we need to convict them. Now we just need Fastpass to find Tweek, and then we'll-"

Suddenly, Fastpass entered the living room. "Tweek's not here," He said bluntly.

Toolshed's grin vanished. "What?" He asked, confused.

 _"What?"_ Super Craig asked, even more dismayed.

"I checked the whole house," Fastpass informed the group. "But I found no sign of T-T-Tweek. Nor any sign that he was here at all."

The group stood frozen in shock. Then, Super Craig whirled on the restrained Bill and Fosse, fury in his eyes. "Where is he, you bastards?!" He shouted, grabbing Fosse by the collar.

"Aw, he's worried for his boy toy," Fosse said to Bill, unperturbed. "That's gay." The two began to chuckle.

The Coon narrowed his eyes "Doctor Timothy," He said, his hands on his hips. "You know what to do."

"The wheelchair-bound superhero rolled up to the pair. Placing his hand to his massive forehead, he spoke to the pair telepathically.

 _"Bill and Fosse, you two must realize the situation you are in,"_ He spoke through his mind. _"If you do not comply, we will be forced to take drastic measures."_

"That's so gay," Bill whispered to Fosse, unfazed by the threat.

The Coon huffed. "Alright, Timmy," He said. "Mind rape 'em."

Focusing his stare on the pair, Doctor Timothy unleashed his psychic powers. Immediately, Bill and Fosse's smiles vanished and were replaced with looks of discomfort.

"Augh!" Bill called out in pain. "He's raping our minds!"

"That's _so_ gay!" Fosse replied, even as the two squirmed in the chair in agony.

After a few moments, Timothy stopped his psychic assault. _"They don't know where Tweek is,"_ He informed the others.

"But how is that possible?" The Coon asked. "They were the ones who invaded the Tweak's house the other night!"

Super Craig grabbed onto Fosse's collar again. "Start talking, now!" He demanded. "Or we'll have Timmy mind-fuck you so hard, you won't be able to think properly for a month!"

"Okay!" Fosse said, struggling to raise his hands in defeat. "We'll talk!"

"We did invade Tweek's house last night," Bill confessed. "And we did plan to kidnap him!"

"Why?" Super Craig demanded.

"S-Someone emailed us," Bill said. "They said they'd give us a lot of money if we did the job and abducted Tweek. We don't know who sent it, though; it was an anonymous email!"

"So why didn't you do it?" Mysterion asked.

"After we knocked out his parents, we headed over to Tweek's room to kidnap him," Fosse went on. "But when we got there, the room was empty and the windows were wide open. Tweek was nowhere to be seen."

"After that, we just decided to abandon the house and forget the whole thing!" Bill finished. "We have no idea where your boyfriend is, Craig, we swear!"

The rest of the team turned towards Super Craig, whose face was blank as he processed the information. His shoulders slumped and he hung his head in despair as realization set in that he was no closer to finding Tweek.

"Craig?" Tupperware said, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Let's go," Was all Super Craig said in response. Without saying another word, he headed towards the door, the rest of the group following suite.

"Hey, what about us?" Bill asked, struggling to move in the chair. "Aren't you gonna untie us?!"

The only response they got was the sound of the door slamming shut, signaling that the team had left.

* * *

"I can't believe it," Toolshed said once the group was outside. "They don't have him. I was so sure it was them!"

"That's not the most unbelievable thing," Tupperware said. The rest of the team turned towards him, confused.

"Don't you get it?" Tupperware said. "Bill and Fosse were only hired help. Someone bribed them to kidnap Tweek. But someone _else_ beat them to the punch. Do you know what that means?"

The group stood still for a moment, contemplating matters. Then, realization set in.

"It means we have more than one criminal mastermind on our hands," Super Craig said through gritted teeth. "Which just made our investigation a _lot_ harder."

* * *

 _Read and review._


	8. The New List

_South Down: Eh._

 _Chcknrice: No problem._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Okay seriously, I literally cannot tell a thing from those one-word reviews. It's called "Reviews" for a reason._

 _Frostylicious: Was waiting for you to review. Well, let's wait and see..._

* * *

Following their investigation at Fosse's house, the crew of Coon and Friends had sent a report to the police indicting Bill and Fosse as the culprits behind the breaking and entering of the Tweak Residence. Then, they'd returned to the Coon's HQ to discuss what they'd learned.

"Alright, so we want to be clear, here," The Coon said to the rest of the team once they'd gathered at the table. "Bill and Fosse were _hired_ by an unknown source to abduct Wonder Tweek. But before they could accomplish this task, someone else invaded Wonder Tweek's house at the same time and kidnapped him instead." As he spoke, he drew multiple figures on the chalk board for visual effect.

"There's no reason this unknown source would hire those two to kidnap Tweek if he or she were just going to do it themselves," The Coon explained. "That means we have _two_ criminal sects, independent of one another, working towards the same goal of abducting Tweek."

"Who knows if it's just two?" Mysterion pointed out. "For all we know, there could be more criminals trying to accomplish the same thing."

"Well gee, that sure helps," Super Craig said sarcastically. "Not only do we not know who any of these criminals are, but even if we get on the trail of one of them, there's still another criminal, possibly even more, that'll remain unaccounted for. Which means even if we do find my boyfriend and whoever kidnapped him, there's the possibility those other criminals will swoop in and take him again, and we'll be back to square one!"

"Calm down, Super Craig!" The Human Kite said. "We just need to come up with a list of the worst troublemakers and criminals in South Park, and narrow down which ones would benefit from harming our Franchise Plan!"

"Great idea, Human Kite!" Tupperware said. "Now. . . who's gonna make the list?"

An awkward silence filled the basement. The team started fidgeting in their seats and drumming their fingers on the table.

"Uh. . ." Mosquito said, shifting his eyes.

"List making isn't really our thing," Mysterion pointed out. "That's more of a girls thing."

"Come on, you guys!" Super Craig said, frustrated. "We're superheroes! It shouldn't be that hard to make a list of super-villains!"

"There's Professor Chaos," Fastpass pointed out.

"No, that's not his MO," Mysterion rejected. "he'd be a pawn, but not the chessmaster."

"Well we don't have all day, guys," The Coon pointed out. "It's nearly 7 o'clock."

At that, Toolshed's eyes widened. "Oh shit, it is?!" He said in a panic. Quickly, he got out of his seat and started heading for the stairs.

"Hey, where are you going?" The Human Kite called out to him.

"I'm late for my date with Wendy!" Toolshed said in a panic as he headed up the stairs. "We just recently got back together; I can't miss it!"

"What about _my_ date?" Super Craig called out.

"You guys carry on!" Toolshed said as he swung open the door. "Tell me what you've learned tomorrow!" With that, he exited the basement, slamming the door shut behind him.

* * *

At the Buca de Faggoncini, Wendy sat at one of the seats, her cheek resting against her hand. Her eyes were heavy-lidded, and she let out a long sigh of boredom. Slowly, she raised her hand and glanced at her wrist watch.

Immediately, Stan burst through the door, dressed in a tuxedo. Barely acknowledging the waiter, he hastily took his seat at Wendy's table.

"Hey Wendy!" He said quickly. "I wasn't late, was I?"

Wendy raised an eyebrow. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't show up," She said, folding her arms.

"Sorry, I had work to attend to," Stan apologized. "You know, since me and the boys are kind of running a franchise now. . ."

"I know," Wendy said bluntly.

An awkward silence fell over the two. Eventually, Wendy unexpected said, "Any news about Tweek?"

Stan paused. "Craig's not taking it very well," He admitted guiltily. "We're looking for him, but we just ran into a roadblock today."

"What do you mean?" Wendy asked.

"It was supposed to all end today," Stan said. "Bill and Fosse were the ones who broke into his house. But when we confronted them, they said Tweek was gone before they got to him. That means we're chasing at least two suspects at once, and we have no idea who they are."

"Do you have any leads?" Wendy asked, intrigued.

Stan shifted his eyes, then leaned in close. "We're not sure, but we _think_ it could be someone at our school," He whispered, lowering his voice to make sure no one else was listening. "But a lot of our classmates are being hired by our team. It wouldn't make sense for them to try and sabotage our franchise plan."

"So what's your plan?" Wendy asked, lowering her voice as well.

"Well, we were thinking of making a list of troublemakers and criminals and narrow down which would be most likely to want to harm our franchise plan," Stan explained. "Trouble is, we don't know how."

As he finished speaking, Stan noticed a glint in Wendy's eyes. The raven-haired girl suddenly shifted her eyes, as if making sure no one else was listening to what she was about to say.

"Well Stan," She said, leaning in very close and cupping her hand over her mouth. "You should know, now that some of the girls have taken an interest in volunteering for your franchise, it spurred us to make a new list at the Pleases and Sparkles Club. . ."

She continued whispering, keeping her voice as low as possible. And Stan was careful to listen to every word.

* * *

The very next morning at school, Stan called both his friends and Craig's Gang into the boys restroom.

"You better have a good reason for calling me here," Craig said once they had locked the door, preventing anyone else from entering. It was clear from the tone of his voice that he was still salty that Stan had abandoned the team the previous evening.

"I do," Stan reassured him and the rest of the gang. "Look, while I was on my date with Wendy, she told me something that might help us out."

This got the gang's attention. "Go on," Token requested.

"You know how the girls are always making lists and such?" Stan pointed out.

"How could we forget?" Kyle asked, furrowing his eyebrows as repressed memories began to resurface.

"Well, Wendy told me they made a new one this week," Stan said. "Since Red and Annie and such have gotten so involved in our superhero movies, they decided to make a couple lists regarding, well, superheroes. Like 'Best Coon Friend' and such."

"Uh-huh," Craig said, motioning for Stan to continue.

"Well, she told me one of them was "Worst Villains'," Stan said.

The rest of the boys stared at Stan blankly, confused. Upon realizing they didn't understand what he was getting at, Stan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"So if we get the list, we can use it to pinpoint which villain might have kidnapped Tweek," He explained.

"Oh," The other boys all said collectively. Then, they all groaned.

"There's only one problem," Token said. "There's no way the girls will give us their list."

"Sure they will," Stan replied, smiling nervously.

"Dude, those girls have been very high-strung about us getting involved in their business, and that was before the whole Skankhunt incident," Kyle pointed out. "We might've buried the hatchet, but that doesn't mean there still isn't some mistrust between us."

"But some of the girls are actors for our films," Craig argued. "They wouldn't want the franchise plan to be cancelled now."

"Not all of them," Cartman reminded him. "Like the list-keeper."

Silence fell over the group. "Oh," Craig's Gang all said when they remembered who the list-keeper was.

Craig glanced at the floor, deep in thought. Eventually, he said, "Okay, look, I'll go talk to them myself. Maybe if I can just smooth things out, we won't have to resort to anything drastic."

Token scoffed. "Nice knowing you, then," He said.

Craig narrowed his eyes at him and flipped him off, then turned around and stormed out of the restroom. As he did, he didn't allow the boys to see the look of anxiety wash over him as he headed over to the girls' restroom.

* * *

Craig had never had a good relationship with girls. While he knew girls tended to take a liking to gay guys, he'd never been particularly interested in hanging out with them, or even talking to them.

So it filled him with anxiety when he pushed open the door to the girls' restroom and instantly found several pairs of eyes turn towards him.

Almost immediately, Craig regretted his actions. It occurred to him he should've waited until the girls had left were outside to talk to them, instead of hastily barging into a place where he wasn't supposed to be. But once he was inside, he felt it was too late to turn back now.

"Uh. . . hello," He said to the girls present, trying to sound casual. However, his nasally voice held an unusual air of discomfort.

Quickly, his eyes passed over the girls in the restroom, and he silently cursed himself when he noticed that nearly all of them were girls that hadn't agreed to join Coon and Friends' film crew. Which meant they didn't benefit from their franchise plan staying afloat.

"Okay look, I'll just cut to the chase here," Craig said, wanting to leave as soon as possible. "I heard that you girls made another list, because that's what girls do. And I heard that it was about the worst villains or criminals in South Park." He paused for a moment, feeling the awkwardness beginning to rise. The girls simply continued to stare at him with blank expressions that were impossible for him to read.

"Alright, so I know you girls don't really like boys getting involved in your list-making club," Craig continued, trying not to fumble his words. "But as a gay guy, I was hoping you could maybe, you know, make an exception, and perhaps, we could-"

He was cut off when one of the girls, the brunette with pigtails, strode up to him. It was Nelly, the list-keeper, and also one of the few kids Craig, though he'd be hard-pressed to admit it, was actually scared of. Almost instinctively, he backed up against the wall. Once she was within arms length, Nelly pressed her hand against the wall next to Craig's face, effectively pinning him without actually touching him.

"Shut up already," She said, her voice as cold as the outside weather. A chill ran down Craig's spine.

"We get it," Nelly continued, the hint of a malicious smile appearing on her lips. "You want to know who took your _boy-toy_ , right?"

Hearing Nelly refer to Tweek by that name caused Craig to shake ever so slightly. "Huh. . . no, that's not what Tweek is to me at all," He denied.

"What, are you not done with him, yet?" Nelly questioned. "Still want him to entertain you for a couple more months before you drop him and move on to the next hot thing?"

Craig gritted his teeth, feeling sweat dripping from his forehead. Behind Nelly, some of the girls began to giggle in amusement.

"You don't know anything," Craig said. He meant to sound angrier, more forceful, like he had with Red and her posse only a few days ago. But instead it came out as a nervous stammer.

"I really care about him," He went on, his shoulders beginning to twitch. "So just let us see the list and. . ." He suddenly lost his nerve. Normally, he had the benefit of intimidation to get other kids to back off. But here, in a place where he wasn't supposed to be, staring down someone he wasn't even sure he could fend off if push came to shove, he felt uncomfortably vulnerable.

Nelly smirked at the other girls, clearly amused at Craig's loss of courage. Turning back to him, she whispered, "You love your boy-toy?"

Craig didn't respond. Instead, he shifted his eyes downwards, anything to avoid looking the brunette in the eyes.

Eventually, Nelly dropped her hand off the wall. Leaning in, she whispered to Craig, "Then prove it." With that, she shoved past him, and she and the other girls exited the restroom, leaving Craig alone to contemplate what had just transpired.

* * *

When Craig left the restroom, the rest of boys were outside waiting for him.

"D-Did the t-talk go well, p-p-pal?" Jimmy asked.

Craig stared at the floor, avoiding their gaze. When he finally rose his head to look at the rest of the team, his eyes were dark.

"We're getting that list," He said through gritted teeth, a determined tone in his voice. "No matter what it takes."

* * *

 _Read and review._


	9. Operation Cannot Possibly Fail (Part 3)

_South Down: She just seemed like the best option for a person who Craig would be intimidated by. I've seen your fics, and that's how you portray her as well, though I wanted to portray her as someone who wasn't just a brute, and who could cause damage emotionally as well._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Thank you. I hope your comments will be more nuanced._

 _Frostylicious: It was actually a call-back to Chapter 5 whereas it was shown that several of the kids don't buy that Craig actually loves Tweek and think he views Tweek as nothing more than a "playtoy"._

 _Chcknrice: Well then let's get a move on._

* * *

As soon as school ended, the extended gang headed out into the woods to discuss their next course of action.

"Alright everybody, since Craig's little chat with the girls didn't go over well, we're gonna have to resort to more drastic measures," Cartman informed the rest of the group. "We're gonna have to take the list."

"Well that should be easy enough," Clyde said. "I mean, we took it before."

"Yeah, but the girls _let_ us take it before so you'd become popular," Kyle pointed out. "And besides, I'm pretty sure they've tightened up security after that whole fiasco."

"Guys, there's no need to argue," Cartman said quickly. "We just need to sneak into Nelly's house and take the list. Easy."

"Um, there's just one problem," Stan replied. "Annie told me Nelly's bringing her friends over for the weekend. It'd be hard enough taking the list with just Nelly there; how are we supposed to do it with her friends keeping guard, too?"

"We'll just wait until the weekend's over," Kyle replied casually.

"We don't have time for that, Kyle!" Craig snapped. "The longer we stand around doing nothing, the longer Tweek's going to be in the clutches of whatever scum had him kidnapped! We need that list now!"

"Then it's settled then!" Cartman said. "Time to initiate Operation Cannot Possibly Fail Part Three! But to do that, we're going to need someone to act as bait to draw those girls' attention. But who. . ."

Before anyone in the group could reply, Butters happened to pass by. "Hey fellas, what are you up to?" He asked cheerfully.

His smile vanished, however, when all the boys turned to stare at him, a suspicious look on their faces.

". . . What?" He asked, shrinking down.

* * *

About an hour later, the group was fully costumed and hiding behind some bushes, staring at Nelly's house. And in the center of the group was Butters.

"Um, guys, can you run this by me again?" Butters asked, somewhat uncomfortable.

Toolshed sighed. "You don't remember?" He asked, exasperated.

"Uh. . ."

"Okay, Butters," Toolshed said, pulling the blond boy back. "It's really simple. You're going to walk up to their house and pretend like you're really hurt. And while the girls are occupied trying to help you, we're going to sneak up into Nelly's room, take the list, and sneak out. Got it?"

"Are you sure about this, fellas?" Butters asked, squinting his eyes. "The last time you made me do something like this, I ended up chained up in a basement for a week."

"We _promise_ you it won't be like that Marjorine incident," The Human Kite reassured him. The rest of the group shuddered as they recalled the event; they could still remember how foolish they'd felt once the girls had informed them what that "future telling device" really was.

"Look Butters, this won't take long," Super Craig informed them. "It'll be a simple in-and-out operation."

"Uh, alright then," Butters said, though he still looked unsure. "So, how am I supposed to convince the girls I'm really hurt?"

* * *

"Alright, patient, Dr. Larsen is gonna have to perform a full-body operation," Millie said, dressed as a doctor, as she pressed a toy stethoscope against the chest of a large, undressed doll. She and a few of the other girls were in Nelly's basement, surrounding the doll as it lay on top of a small table.

"Check its vag, Millie," Esther suggested, dressed as a nurse. "I bet that's where its boy cooties are."

"Great idea, nurse," Millie replied, moving the stethoscope towards the doll's abdomen. "I always tell people not to have unprotected sex. But here they are, doing it anyways, and getting cooties all over their bodies."

"This is so _boring_ ," Theresa unexpectedly stated. "Who wants to play doctor on an inanimate object?"

"She has a point," Nelly said. "Someone's gonna have to be the patient now." Turning to the girl with light brown hair, she said, "Allie Nelson, you be the patient."

"I don't wanna be the patient," Allie replied. "Isla, you be the patient."

Isla shook her head in response.

"Well someone's gonna have to be the patient!" Millie stated, dropping the stethoscope.

Suddenly, the girls heard a frantic knocking on the door. "Annie, go get the door," Nelly ordered.

As the blonde headed upstairs, the girls continued to debate their next course of action. "Alright, I guess we're gonna have to use the straw option again," Esther said. "Someone, get the straws. Whoever who picks the shortest has to be-"

"Guys, you gotta get up here!" They suddenly heard Annie call from upstairs in a horrified tone.

Concerned, the girls all immediately dashed upstairs to see what had gotten Annie so frightened. Reaching the living room, they found Annie standing in front of the open door. In front of her, bleeding from his stomach, Butters lay on his knees, clutching his wound.

"Oh my goodness!" Isla shouted, horrified. "What happened to you?"

Butters struggled to respond, but all that came out was pained wheezing.

The girls squinted at his wound. "They look like. . . claw marks?" Nelly noted.

"Did a raccoon do that?" Allie asked, scratching her head.

"Must've been a big one," Annie replied.

"P-Please. . ." Butters pleaded to them, his face red and tears in his eyes. "Need a. . . doctor. . ."

The girls turned to each other. "This guy's really hurt," Millie said to the others. "You know what this means, right?"

"Uh-huh," Annie said, exchanging glances with all the other girls so make sure they all knew what she was thinking.

After a couple moments of silence, they all shouted joyously, "We get to play doctor now!"

"Wait, what?" Butters asked, his eyes widening in shock and horror.

Before he could even move, the girls mobbed him and started dragging him down towards the basement. "I get to check his wiener!" Isla called out giddily.

"I call dibs on his bottom!" Annie exclaimed as she dragged him by his arm.

"Wait, what?!" Butters shouted, trying in vain to free himself as they pulled him downstairs. "Wait, no! I need a _real_ doctor! Guys, no! _NOOOO_!"

That was the last sound that escaped his lips before Nelly slammed the basement door shut.

Of course, in their haste, the girls had forgotten to close the front door. The moment the basement door shut, the members of Coon and Friends quickly, and quietly, slipped inside.

"Now remember," Toolshed whispered to the others, keeping his voice extra quiet. "We have to be _very_ stealthy. The last thing we want to do is let Nelly know we're in her house."

The rest of the team shuddered. If there was a list for "Kids Nobody Wanted to Get in a Fist-Fight With", Nelly would be somewhere in the top five. Toolshed, Human Kite and Mysterion were stronger than a lot of their schoolmates, but even they wouldn't want to risk a physical confrontation with her.

"Fastpass, you stand guard at the door," Toolshed whispered. "If they come upstairs, alert us as fast as you can and then get out of there."

"You g-g-got it," Fastpass stuttered out.

"Alright, the rest of you, come on," Toolshed urged the others. Quickly, they headed upstairs towards Nelly's room.

"Check the room," The Human Kite instructed the rest of the group. Quickly, they spread out, conducting an investigation of the room. The Coon looked under the desk; Tupperware crawled under the bed; Mysterion examined the bookshelf.

Eventually, Mosquito pulled open one of the drawers and called out, "Hey, I found it!"

"You did?" Super Craig asked as the rest of the group hurried over to Mosquito's side. Indeed, within the drawer were several lists. "Best Coon Friend", "Prettiest Purses". . . and "Worst Villains".

"Alright!" The Human Kite exclaimed. "Now we just need to grab it and get out of here!"

Suddenly, the group heard the sound of the basement door swinging open, followed by a shrill shriek. "Nelly, there are boys in our house!" Came Isla's voice from downstairs.

"Oh, shit," Super Craig uttered.

Within seconds, Fastpass had dashed upstairs and was outside Nelly's door. "The g-g-girls know we're here," He informed them.

"Why didn't you tell us before they came upstairs and saw you?!" Toolshed asked in a panicked tone.

"You told me to alert you _when_ they came upstairs," Fastpass replied.

"That's not what I. . . we got to get out of here!" Toolshed shouted. "Everyone, move it!"

While Mysterion quickly burst out through Nelly's window, the rest of the group began scrambling downstairs. Mosquito took the time to quickly snatch the list from the drawer before hurrying after them.

Before they could make it down the flight of stairs, however, some of the girls were already at the bottom of the stairs. "There they are!" Theresa called out, pointing at the group. "And they have the list!"

Nelly pushed past the girls. "Well then someone's in for the beating of their lives!" She declared.

Toolshed quickly began ushering the rest of the team upstairs. "Go, go, go!" He shouted as they began hurrying up the stairs, the girls pursuing them. They headed back into Nelly's room, Tupperware shoving a chair in front of the door to barricade it. Immediately, the sounds of the girls banging on the door filled their ears.

"We are dead!" The Coon exclaimed, panicking. "So dead!"

"No we're not!" The Human Kite reassured him, even as sweat dripped down his forehead. "We just need to find another way to escape." Quickly, his eyes landed on the open window, and he exclaimed, "I know! The windows!"

The group rushed over to the window, but stopped dead in their tracks as they peaked outside and looked down at the small, but still intimidating, drop below them.

"Someone's gonna have to go first," The Coon said. "Tupperware, you go!"

"Why me?" Tupperware asked.

"Token!" The Coon snapped at him.

Tupperware grimaced, but nevertheless crawled outside the window. "I don't know how Mysterion manages this," He muttered to himself as he carefully made his way down the side of the house.

Seeing Tupperware manage invigorated the group. "Come on, let's go!" The Coon said. He dashed out the window, followed by the Human Kite and Mosquito, who soared outside.

"Come on, let's do this," Toolshed urged Super Craig. Before they could take a step out, however, the door swung open. "Get 'em!" Theresa shouted as the girls rushed into the room.

Millie charged towards them, but Toolshed reacted in seconds, grabbing her and forcing her onto the ground, twisting her arm behind her back. However, the other girls were coming in and charging right towards him.

Toolshed released Millie and quickly headed back to the window. However, Nelly reached out and grabbed him by the collar, forcing him back. "Oh no you don't!" She declared. "You're not escaping that easily!"

"Yes, he is!" Super Craig retorted. It was then that the girls noticed him standing next to the bookshelf. With a grunt, he pushed it over towards them. Screaming, the girls released Toolshed and fled as the shelf fell, allowing Toolshed and Super Craig to escape through the window.

Nelly rushed over to the window where they had just escaped. "Come back here, you assholes!" Nelly called out to them, but by then, they had already escaped.

For a couple moments, the girls stood in the room, dumbfounded. "Uh. . . now what do we do?" Millie asked after an awkward silence.

The girls stood deep in thought for a few seconds. Finally, Annie exclaimed, "Let's continue playing doctor!"

"Yeah!" The girls all shouted, seemingly forgetting about what had just happened, and headed back downstairs.

* * *

"We did it!" The Coon exclaimed once the group was a far enough distance away. "We actually did it! We got the list!"

"Alright!" Super Craig exclaimed, sounding a lot more joyful than usual. "Alright Mosquito, open it up! Let's see which of these villains could have kidnapped Tweek!"

Pulling out the folder, Mosquito opened it up and started to read out loud. The rest of the group huddled around, eager to hear.

"Alright," Mosquito said, clearing his throat, before reading out the results. "Number 1: Mysterion. Number 2: Tupperware. Number 3: Human. . . Kite. . ." He paused, confused.

"Wait, what?" Toolshed said, dumbfounded. "What the Hell is this?"

"I don't know, it's just what the list says," Mosquito said, shrugging his shoulders.

The Human Kite furrowed his eyebrows. "Let me see that folder, Mosquito," He said, extending his hand. Mosquito handed it over to him, and the Human Kite checked the title at the top of the paper.

 **'Best Coon Friend' List**

The rest of the group huddled around the Human Kite and read the title. Then they read it again, and again, until realization settled upon them.

"You got the wrong list, Clyde!" The Coon shouted at Mosquito, who flinched in response.

"I'm sorry!" Mosquito replied, throwing his hands up in defense. "The girls were coming, and I kind of panicked-"

"You had one freaking job!" The Coon continued shouting, his face turning red. "One damn job, Clyde!"

"Can't we just go back and get the real one?" Mosquito asked.

"As if those girls will fall for the same trick twice," Tupperware retorted. "We just barely pulled it off the first time."

The group stood in silence for a couple seconds. Eventually, Fastpass said, "Well, look on the bright side. We can at least find out which of us the girls consider the best superhero." He flashed a hopeful smile.

The rest of the team turned to stare at him, their faces blank. Fastpass continued smiling for a couple seconds, before eventually shrinking down under the stares.

"Well this sucks," Toolshed said.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	10. The Call

_Frostylicious: No kidding._

 _South Down: You can say that again._

 _LivingOnLaughs: So does Super Craig._

 _Guest1: The list-keeper's parents weren't gone for the weekend, they just weren't there at the moment._

* * *

After Operation Cannot Possibly Fail Part Three, well, _failed_ , more problems quickly arose. It appeared some of the girls had informed their parents about Coon and Friends' break-in and attempted thievery, and the team's parents were all less than thrilled, to say the least.

"And you can just stay in there until you learn to be a more responsible young man!" Thomas was yelling at Craig in his room that very night. "Just because you put on a flashy costume does not give you license to break into other peoples' houses!"

"I know," Craig replied dully, lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling with heavy-lidded eyes. He was barely paying attention to his father's words; Thomas' yelling had practically been background music since he was dragged back home. His dad seemed to realize this, as he rather abruptly stopped yelling and eventually shut the door and left, giving one last, stern look as he did.

Craig let out a deep, long sigh of exasperation. He should be out there, looking for Tweek, trying to bring his kidnappers, whoever they may be, to justice. Instead he was trapped in his room, doing nothing. The whole day had been put to waste.

For a long time, he simply lay in his bed, staring emptily up at the ceiling. As he did, he imagined himself and Tweek together, thinking of all the happy times they had spent together. It pained him that he may never get to experience those memories again.

He knew it was strange. How could someone as cold and aloof as him ever form an attachment with someone as strange as Tweek? He knew it was a question the rest of the school asked themselves. In the time he and Tweek had gotten together, he'd simply accepted that many of his schoolmates simply couldn't understand their relationship. To them, it was a shallow bond built of nothing more than hollow lust and entertainment. To them, Tweek was nothing more than Craig's toy, a toy he would cast out once it got old.

He'd tried not to let it get to him. But now, his shell was starting to crack.

Suddenly, his cellphone started ringing. Springing up from his bed, he answered the call, and noticed it was coming from an anonymous source. That immediately got his attention; Craig didn't just give his cellphone number flippantly.

Raising the cellphone to his ear, he hesitantly whispered, "Hello?"

". . . Craig?"

Craig's heart stopped for a couple moments. Could it be? No, it couldn't be.

"T-Tweek?" He whispered, wondering if he'd heard wrong. It couldn't be him, could it?

"Ohmygosh, Craig," The voice came again, and there was no doubt that it was Tweek's. The fear, the vulnerability...it could be no one else.

"Tweek!" He said, raising his voice slightly. Immediately, a million thoughts were racing through his head, but he tried to keep himself calm, for both his sake and Tweek's.

"Where are you?" He asked, as calmly as possible, even as his heart was thumping in his chest, threatening to burst out.

"I-I don't know," Tweek responded, his voice low. Craig could hear his voice cracking from the other end, and knew he was on the verge of a panic attack.

"It. . . it's dark," Tweek continued, his teeth chattering. "I'm in a room, but I don't know where. . . oh gosh, Craig, I'm so scared!"

"Tweek, you need to calm down," Craig said, even though he himself was only barely keeping it together. "How did you get this phone?"

"Some guy. . . he gave it to me," Tweek whispered. "He's standing in here with me. He wanted me to call you."

"What does he look like?" Craig asked quickly. He was desperate; he needed to know as much as possible; if whoever had kidnapped Tweek was allowing him to call him, he didn't know how much time he had before they decided to end the conversation.

"I don't know," Tweek confessed. "There's several of them, and they all wear different masks. They only come in to give me coffee, and they have some sort of voice amplifier, so I don't know what they really sound like."

"Are they kids?" Craig asked. "Our age?"

"Some of them," Tweek said, sounding somewhat unsure. "A few look a little older, or. . . oh gosh!"

"Tweek?!" Craig shouted, noticing the sudden panic in his boyfriend's voice.

"He's approaching me!" Tweek shouted out. "He's grabbing me. . . augh!" Suddenly, his voice went silent.

"Tweek?!" Craig shouted, terror welling up inside him. "Tweek?!"

After a few moments, another voice responded. _"Don't worry,"_ It said. _"I only gagged him."_

The voice was amplified, just as Tweek had said. It was low and gravely, not at all like that of a child, and it reverberated across the room.

Craig gritted his teeth as he clenched his fist around the cellphone hard enough it threatened to break. "Listen up, you son of a bitch," He snarled, his voice low. "I don't know who you are, but if you _dare_ harm my boyfriend-"

 _"No need to worry, Super Craig,"_ The voice replied. _"Your boyfriend is in very safe hands."_

"Why are you doing this?" Craig asked. "Talk, now!"

 _"That's for us to know and you to find out."_

"Who's 'us'?" Craig asked. "Where are you hiding?"

 _"Careful, Super Craig, wouldn't want to squander our mercy by asking too many questions."_

"This isn't a game!" Craig roared, his face red. "Now, you have two options! Either you hand over my boyfriend _now_ , or when I find you, I'll show you a nightmare worse than the deepest, darkest bowels of Hell! You understand me?!"

 _"Challenge accepted,"_ The voice replied calmly.

"Mark my words," Craig growled. "I _will_ find Tweek."

 _"Oh, we're counting on it,"_ The voice said. _"And we'll be waiting."_

And with that, the call ended.

* * *

"Alright, Davin Miller, you're hired," The Human Kite said to the newest actor at the hiring stage the following day. "Just sign your name here."

The red-haired boy quickly wrote down his name on the piece of paper handed to him. "So when is production on _The Human Kite Movie_ going to start?" He asked as he handed the paper back.

"It should be on schedule," The Human Kite reassured him. "Alright, next guy up."

Davin Miller left, and the next guy in line, Gary Nelson, strode up. "Alright, I'm here for the hiring auditions," He said coolly. "I'm here to play one of the Ginger Nazi Zombies."

"So, Gary, what makes you feel qualified for the role?" The Human Kite asked.

"Well, I'm ginger and I was turned into a Nazi Zombie once," Gary replied. "Remember?"

"You're hired," The Human Kite said bluntly, handing over another piece of paper. "Just sign your name up along with the rest."

"Sweet!" Gary said as he wrote his name on the paper. "With any luck, our role in this film will break new ground and improve public view of gingers everywhere!" He handed the paper back and strode off happily.

Just then, the other members of the team began to show up, none of them looking particularly happy.

"Hey, Kyle," Toolshed grumbled, his shoulders slumped.

"Hey, guys," The Human Kite replied. Noticing their expressions, he said, "I take it the other day wasn't pleasant to you either?"

"You can say that again," Tupperware said. "Tupperware may be impervious to pain, but he's not impervious to getting his butt spanked."

"Hey, at least you didn't get it as bad as Butters," Toolshed noted. "Apparently he had to go to the hospital after that 'operation'. The girls probed his whole body to find his cooties."

"Lucky bastard," Mosquito enviously mumbled under his breath.

"So, Kyle, how's your film going?" Toolshed asked, wishing to change the subject.

"Oh, it's doing fine," The Human Kite said, staring at his notes. "I just hired the new batch of actors. They'll appear in my Netflix show first, and then we can begin production on the feature film."

"Um, okay," Toolshed replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I mean, you probably shouldn't reopen production on that film just yet, since, you know-"

"Stan?"

Toolshed nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Wendy's voice nearby. Whirling around, he noticed his girlfriend approach the backyard.

"Oh, hey Wendy," He said, still recovering from the shock. "Didn't think I'd see you here."

"Nelly told me what happened the other day," Wendy said bluntly, a crossed expression on her face.

All the color drained from Toolshed's face. "Oh, she did?" He said nervously, wringing his hands.

"Yeah, she was pretty pissed off," Wendy noted. "If I were you, I'd watch my back next week."

The rest of the team groaned. They were well aware that there was still some bad blood between the boys and girls at school; an incident like this definitely wouldn't help matters.

"Why are you here?" The Coon asked bluntly, visibly irritated at Wendy's presence. "Did you just want to rub it in our faces that our operation failed?"

"Careful," Wendy warned. "You wouldn't want me to change my mind about this."

"About what?" Toolshed asked.

Without speaking, Wendy unbuttoned her jacket and pulled something out. When the team saw what it was, they all let out a gasp of shock.

It was the 'Worst Villains' list.

"But how did you-" Toolshed sputtered out in shock.

"I'm head of the List Council," Wendy reminded him. "It took a lot of debating from the committee, but they eventually relented." She extended the list over to Toolshed.

"Um, thanks," Toolshed mumbled, awkwardly taking the list.

"You could've just asked the other day, you know," Wendy pointed out. "We're willing to overlook your little lapse of judgement, but don't push it. I may be head of the committee now, but I still only barely got the other girls' support on this." She turned to leave.

"Wait!" The Human Kite called out to her. "Why are you helping us?"

Wendy paused. "Just an act of kindness," She said, not turning around. Then, she whispered, "From one superhero to another."

Without another word, she was gone.

For a few moments, the team stood in silence, shocked at what had just happened.

Eventually, the Coon shouted, "What the Hell are we waiting for? Call Craig and tell him to get his ass over here right now! Time for our investigation to _really_ begin!"

* * *

 _At first, Wendy handing over the list was supposed to take place at the end of last chapter. However, I decided to save it for this one._

 _Anyways, read and review._


	11. The Investigation Begins

_A/N: Funny thing to note; when I gave the last chapter its title, I didn't notice the potential double meaning until after I published it._

 _Chcknrice: Uh..._

 _South Down: Good for them._

 _Frostylicious: Now we can really get to the super-heroics._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Uh-huh._

 _WickedInk: In due time._

 _Guest1: Hope it paid off._

* * *

In no time, every member of Coon and Friends had arrived at the Coon's HQ to discuss the retrieval of the 'Worst Villains' list. Once Super Craig had arrived, he'd been quick to inform the rest of the group of the call he'd received the other night.

"I don't understand," Toolshed said once Super Craig finished his story. "Why would they call you?"

"I don't know, dude," Super Craig replied. "It just didn't make sense. They didn't request for any ransom, or blackmail, nothing. It's as if they just wanted me to know for sure that they had Tweek."

"Did they at least hint as to why they'd taken him?" Mysterion questioned.

"No," Super Craig said. "But they did say they were counting on me finding him."

"Well, that's good," The Human Kite said, trying to be optimistic. "At the very least, it means they don't intend to keep a hold of him forever."

"No, I doubt it," Super Craig said, trying to think. "They might plan on me finding him, but then what? It's not like they're _just_ going to let him go once I do. For all we know, it could be a trap."

"Can we focus on the important matters, guys!" The Coon said, snapping everyone's attention back onto him. "We can spare the tedious details for later on. For now, let's focus on solving this case!"

Setting the folder onto the table, the Coon said, "Now that we have successfully acquired the list, we'll be able to get some leads. We'll narrow down who would be the most likely culprits, and then we'll track them down, kick their asses, and take names, until we've found which one kidnapped Tweek!"

"Wouldn't that take too long?" Mysterion pointed out.

"No, Mysterion," The Coon said, heaving. "We're gonna split up into smaller groups and each go after separate targets. When one of the groups locates Tweek, they'll call the rest of us to their location. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Alright then," The Coon said. "Now, let's see the list!"

Pulling the list out of the folder, but keeping it hidden from the rest of the group and himself, the Coon carefully taped it up against the board against the wall for the group to see. Then, he stepped back and finally gazed upon the list, as did the rest of the team.

Once they finally saw the list, the Coon's jaw dropped.

 **1\. The Coon**

 **2\. Saddam Hussein**

 **3\. SkankHunt42**

 **4\. The President**

 **5\. ManBearPig**

 **6\. Barbra Streisand**

 **7\. Scott Tenorman**

 **8\. 6th Graders**

 **9\. Professor Chaos**

For a few moments, the group stared at the list silently, trying to process the information that had been given to them. After a few moments, Mosquito started chortling, trying to contain his laughter, only to break into hysterical cackling.

"Shut it, Clyde!" The Coon shouted at him.

"Well, uh. . . that list wasn't quite what I expected it to be," Tupperware said, raising an eyebrow.

"Are we certain the culprit is one of those people?" The Human Kite asked.

"Well it's the closest thing to a lead we've got so far," Mysterion pointed out. "We're gonna at least have to try interrogating them. But first, we're gonna have to do the narrowing down."

"Alright, so which of these groups would be the _least_ likely to be involved in Tweek's kidnapping?" Toolshed said, taking the list of the board and placing it on the table.

"Tweek said his kidnappers were kids our age or older," Super Craig pointed out. "Barbra Streisand and ManBearPig definitely don't fit that description. And even then, holding hostages isn't their M.O. So we can cross them out."

"And Saddam's dead," The Human Kite reminded. "It can't be him, either."

"What about the President?" Super Craig asked.

"Nah, he wouldn't target us," The Coon pointed out. "We're not Canadian."

Crossing out the names, the Human Kite said, "Well that's nearly half of them off the list. What about the remaining ones?" At that, he noticed that the rest of the team was staring at him somewhat suspiciously.

"What?" He asked, before noticing who was in the Top 3 of the list.

Groaning, he exclaimed, "My dad is a troll, not a kidnapper! What about Number One?!"

The group then turned to the Coon, who scoffed loudly. "Oh, come on, you guys!" He shouted. "Do you really think I would kidnap Tweek, especially when our franchise is in a fragile state already?!"

Super Craig opened his mouth, only for the Coon to interrupt with, "Don't answer that."

"We'll put a pin in that," Toolshed said, narrowing his eyes. "Alright, let's get back to Super Craig's description. Which of the people on the list best fits it?"

"Well, the 6th Graders and Professor Chaos' minions," Fastpass said.

"But Butters said he wasn't involved," Tupperware reminded.

"He could've been lying," The Coon said.

"Well, it's a moot point, since he's in the hospital," Toolshed replied. "Let's focus on interrogating the 6th Graders instead."

"Eh, we should probably be safe and check on Butters, anyways," Mysterion said. "He did have quite a few kids under his employ who might have something to do with this."

"Fine," Toolshed said in an exasperated tone. "Alright then, we'll split up. One group will head to the hospital to see Butters, the others will go talk to the 6th Graders. I'm heading to the hospital."

"I'm coming with you," Mysterion declared, getting out of his seat.

"Me too," Mosquito said, joining Mysterion's side.

"And me," The Coon added.

"I'm gonna talk to the 6th Graders," Super Craig said, a determined expression on his face. "If anyone can handle them, it's me. Who else is coming?"

"Us," The Human Kite said, joined by Fastpass, Professor Timmy, and and Tupperware. "If things get ugly down there, we'll have your back."

"Then let's get a move on!" The Coon shouted. "Besides, filming for our Netflix show is in several hours! Let's go!"

The two groups were about to head off, when suddenly, Toolshed called out, "Wait, guys, stop!"

The team stopped in their tracks. "What?" The Human Kite asked, visibly annoyed.

"I feel like there was someone on that list we didn't account for," Toolshed pointed out, looking deep in thought.

"Well it's not like that list's going anywhere," The Coon replied, huffing. "We can just get re-read it later on. Come on, we can't waste anymore time! Let's go!"

With that, the team continued up the stairs and headed off to start their investigation.

* * *

 _"Wake up."_

Immediately, Tweek's eyes jolted open at the sound of the door to his room creaking open. Overcome with fear, he quickly scrambled over to the back of the wall, trying to put as much distance between him and his captor as possible.

The person who came in was wearing a clown mask, concealing his face. He almost casually strode over to where Tweek was sitting, a coffee mug in his hand.

 _"Here,"_ He said, handing the coffee mug over to him. _"I'm told this should keep you stable enough."_

Despite his terror, Tweek told the mug and quickly began drinking down its contents. Indeed, the coffee was the only thing keeping him from a full-blown panic attack.

"W-Why are you doing this?" Tweek asked, shaking profusely as he removed the mug from his mouth. "If you want m-money, I could just-"

The masked person shushed him. _"Do not fret,"_ He said in a soothing, but menacing, tone. _"It won't be long now."_

"Long until what?" Tweek asked, twitching anxiously. "What do you want?!"

 _"All you need to know is a hero always saves their damsel in distress,"_ The masked person replied. _"Superman will always come to rescue his Lois Lane. And so, the mighty Super Craig will always come to rescue his boyfriend. And so, he'll do exactly what we want."_

Without speaking another word, the masked figure exited the room, locking the door behind him.

"Wait!" Tweek cried out, practically throwing himself at the locked door. He banged against the door as hard as he could, but to no avail.

"Please!" He cried out. "I just want to go home!"

When he received no answer, Tweek slowly slid down against the door. Crumbling onto the floor, he curled up into a ball and softly began to sob.

"I just want to see Craig," He whispered in the midst of his sobs, silent to all but himself.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	12. A Two-Pronged Investigation

_South Down, Frostylicious, WickedInk: Yeah, I felt we should get some insight into Tweek's situation, so as to not simply reduce him to a "thing that needs to be rescued"._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Really? I would've thought it'd have been one of the prior action scenes. I guess you mean in terms of emotional turmoil?_

 _Guest1: Well his captors kind of need him alive..._

 _Chcknrice: Apology accepted, I suppose._

* * *

"Alright, Mr. Stotch, luckily for you, the physical trauma was not too severe," The doctor at the Hell's Pass Hospital informed Butters as he lay in the hospital bed. "You should be good and ready to leave by tomorrow."

"Um. . . okay," Butters said, huddled in the bed, looking somewhat uncomfortable.

"Until then, it would be best if you just got some rest," The doctor said, then added, "And next time, don't play doctor with a bunch of perverted little girls."

"I'll, uh, remember that," Butters replied.

"Alright then, you get some rest," The doctor told him, then switched the lights off and exited the room, leaving Butters alone. The moment he was gone, Butters let out a deep sigh, sunk into the bed, and closed his eyes to fall asleep.

 _"Butters."_

Jolting awake, Butters nearly let out a terrified scream, but was swiftly silenced by a hand being slapped over his mouth. "Shush!" Toolshed hissed into his ear he kept Butters from making any noise. Close by, Mysterion, the Coon, and Mosquito appeared at the side of the bed.

"Butters, don't worry," Toolshed reassured the panicked boy. "We're not going to hurt you."

"If you cooperate, that is," The Coon growled, but was jabbed in the elbow by Mysterion.

Once Butters had calmed down, Toolshed hesitantly removed his hand from his mouth. "Okay Butters, we want to make this as quick as possible," He said, keeping his voice low. "If you do as we say, we'll be out of here as quickly as we came."

"Why are you guys here?" Butters asked. "I already did what you asked, and now I'm in the hospital."

"It's not about the List," Mysterion informed him. "We just need to know for sure if you know anything about Tweek's disappearance."

"But I told you guys, I had nothing to do with Tweek's kidnapping," Butters confessed to the group.

"And we believe you," Toolshed reassured him. "It's just, you've employed a lot of kids to work under you as Professor Chaos."

"My agents of Chaos?" Butters inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Mosquito said, nodding. "We were just thinking if, maybe, they might've had anything to do with kidnapping Tweek."

"Well my Chaos Minions don't do anything without reporting to me first," Butters explained to the group. "They surely would've told me if they planned to kidnap Tweek."

"Unless they decided to go behind their boss' back," The Coon suggested.

"Well gee, that wouldn't be good for business," Butters pointed out.

"We're getting nowhere!" Mysterion suddenly exclaimed. "Butters, is there anyone under your employ that would stand to benefit from abducting Tweek?"

"I dunno," Butters admitted. "I only come into contact with them during business. I don't get involved in their personal lives."

The Coon let out a frustrated growl. "Well this sucks!" He shouted, stamping around the room. "Now we've hit another roadblock!"

"Hey, calm down," Mosquito said, placing a hand on the agitated Coon's shoulder. "The rest of the team is still undergoing their side of the investigation. Perhaps they'll be able to find some useful information."

"Fuckin' better," The Coon warned.

"Um, guys, can you please go, now?" Butters said meekly. "The doctor says I need as much rest as possible after those girls' full-body operation."

The team stared at Butters silently for a few moments. Eventually, they complied and headed for the window.

As they did, Mosquito muttered under his breath, "Lucky bastard."

* * *

While Toolshed had led one half of the team to interrogate Butters at the hospital, Super Craig had led the rest towards the 6th Graders hideout by the riverbed.

The group wasn't without their worries; heading towards the 6th Graders hideout was practically a death wish for any 4th Grader. Luckily, they weren't any ordinary 4th Graders.

As they neared the riverbed, Super Craig halted the team. "There they are," He said, pointing out towards the distance. Sure enough, on the riverbed, over a dozen 6th Graders were riding on their bikes across the hideout. So far, they hadn't noticed the team approaching.

Tupperware let out a small gulp. "You _sure_ we should be here?" He asked nervously.

Super Craig sucked in a deep breath. "We're superheroes, aren't we?" He said, to himself as much as to his team. "Sometimes that means facing our fears."

Turning to the Human Kite, Super Craig said, "Follow me. The rest of you stay back unless we need you."

"You got it," Fastpass replied.

Shaking off whatever nerves they still had, Super Craig and the Human Kite strode over towards to the riverbed and into the hideout. As they did, the 6th Graders, one by one, began to take notice. Quickly, the pair was met with malicious glares and menacing laughter as the older kids began to converge. Despite this, the two stood tall and kept a straight face, unwilling to show fear.

The leader of the 6th Graders rode up to the pair on his bicycle. "Well, well, well," He chuckled as his cohorts joined his side. "What do we have here?"

"A pair of fourthies in Halloween costumes," One of his friends sneered.

"Well you won't find any trick or treats here," Another snickered, grinning.

Super Craig stared up at the leader of the 6th Graders, retaining his stoic exterior. "We're not here for candy," He said calmly. "We just want to ask you some questions."

The leader exchanged glances with his comrades. " _You_ want to ask _us_ questions?" He asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Yeah," Super Craig said bluntly. "Just cooperate, and things won't get ugly."

"Ooh," The 6th Graders said in unison, amused at Craig's vague threat.

"Fourthie's got balls," One of them said, earning laughter from the rest of the group.

Super Craig narrowed his eyes and took a step forward, but the Human Kite gripped his shoulder, silently warning him not to try anything rash, and stepped forward instantly. "Look, we just want to know if you have any information about Tweek's disappearance," He said.

"And what makes you think we have anything to tell?" The leader of the 6th Graders asked, folding his arms.

"We know he was kidnapped by kids," Super Craig replied. "And we know they have connections to the kids in our school. And no offense, there aren't a lot of people who fit the description better than you guys."

The 6th Graders glared down at the two, and the Human Kite was worried Super Craig might've set them off. However, the leader of the 6th Graders then grinned.

"Actually, we may have a piece of valuable information after all," He whispered.

Super Craig's eyes widened. "You do?" He asked, raising his voice for the first time since the conversation had started. "Tell us!"

The leader leaned in close towards Super Craig, and his grin grew wider. "Sorry," He sneered. "It's _classified_."

Super Craig's smile switched to a grimace in the span of a second. "You _will_ tell us!" He threatened, stomping forward before the Human Kite could stop him. Before he could react, however, one of the 6th Graders roughly tossed him onto the ground.

"It's for us to know and you to find out, losers!" He growled, and the other 6th Graders started laughing.

Super Craig slowly got onto his hands and knees, spitting dirt out of his mouth. "You're right," He said, looking up to face the leader of the 6th Graders. "And we're gonna find out _now_."

The 6th Graders only laughed harder. "Please!" The leader snickered. "What could a pair of fourthies possibly do?"

Super Craig closed his eyes for a moment. Then, a smile grew on his face, and he looked up.

"This," He whispered, and then sprang upwards before shouting at the top of his lungs, "Coon and Friends, assemble!"

Instantly, everyone went silent. The 6th Graders ceased their laughter and stared at Super Craig in awe.

A few moments passed. Half a minute. Eventually, Super Craig's shoulders slumped and he turned towards the side of the riverbed where he and the Human Kite had arrived.

"Guys?" He said, and finally noticed Tupperware, Fastpass and Professor Timmy on the other side of the riverbed, playing charades in the ground, utterly oblivious to the confrontation only a small distance away.

"GUYS!" Super Craig shouted, causing them to snap their attention over to him and away from their game. "Get over here and help me kick these 6th Graders' asses!"

"Sorry!" Tupperware called out, and he, Fastpass, and Professor Timmy made their way across the riverbed.

Once they were at Super Craig and the Human Kite's side, the former grinned, turned to the 6th Graders, and said, "Let's dance. I mean, not literally, because I don't dance. Let's _punch_."

And with that, Coon and Friends jumped into battle.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	13. Things Get Complicated

_Chcknrice: Thanks._

 _South Down: Ugh..._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Hope I don't disappoint._

 _Frostylicious: Thanks for the support._

* * *

After their visit to the hospital had turned up no results, Toolshed's team had decided to head off towards the 6th Graders hideout to check on how the rest of the team was doing.

"Well this blows," Mosquito complained to the rest of the group as they headed down the street. "We've wasted our time talking with Butters, and if the rest of the team also turns up no results, we'll be back at square one."

"Will you quit being a pessimist?" Toolshed snapped. "We're superheroes. We can't let one little setback lead us astray. We just have to regroup with the others and figure out a way to deal with this."

Suddenly, the group heard the sound of a trash can get knocked over within an alleyway. "What was that?" Mosquito asked nervously as the group turned towards the source of the sound, only to see nothing.

The sound of footsteps running across the ground put the group on edge. "Hey, am I the only one who noticed just how barren this part of the town is?" Mosquito asked as the team backed up against each other, forming a protective circle as they surveyed the area.

 _"Why yes,"_ A distinctly child-like voice echoed out. _"This part of town is barren. Barren, and so. . ._ alone _."_

The team whipped their heads around, trying to find the source of the voice, but it seemed to be coming from everywhere. "Show your face, you cowardly fiend!" The Coon called out. "We need to see you to kick your ass!"

 _"I'd be more concerned about my own ass,"_ The voice retorted. _"If I were you, that is."_

"Stop playing around and show yourself!" Mysterion called out. "We haven't got all day!"

Finally, the figure stepped out of the shadows in front of the group. _"The time has come for you to surrender yourselves to chaos!"_ He snarled.

The team all turned to stare at the figure, only to ease up when they saw who it was. "Oh," The Coon said, deflating immediately. "It's just you, Dougie."

"My name is not Dougie!" The red-headed 2nd Grader declared, dressed in his alter-ego costume. "It is General Disarray!"

"What do you want, Dougie?" Toolshed asked dismissively, all fear having vanished the moment the 2nd Grader had revealed himself.

"You guys put our boss Professor Chaos in the hospital!" General Disarray accused, pointing a finger at the team. "All of our businesses have been put on hold because of you! We're here for revenge!"

"Who's 'we'?" Mosquito asked.

"Don't even bother," Toolshed replied, waving Dougie off. "Come on guys, let's go check up on the others." The team promptly turned and headed off in the opposite direction.

General Disarray's jaw dropped. "W-Where do you think you're going?!" He called out after the team. "Come here and face me! It's time for you to kneel before chaos!" However, the team ignored him and simply continued walking.

His face red, General Disarray called out, "Chaos Minions! Attack!"

Immediately, several Chaos Kids pounced out of the darkness, cutting off Coon and Friends' escape routes. More appeared out of the alleys and from behind dumpsters, surrounding the group.

"Oh fuck, here we go," The Coon said in an annoyed tone.

"Beg as much as you want, it won't save you!" General Disarray said. "We're gonna kick your asses so hard your grandchildren will feel it!"

"Ooh, that's the closest you've done to damage since you got here," Mysterion taunted, causing General Disarray to growl.

"Look, we're really busy right now," Toolshed said. "We can do this some other time, but right now, we have stuff to do."

"You're not weaseling your way out of this!" One of the Chaos Kids declared. "Come on, guys, let's kick their asses!" With that, the Chaos Kids roared out and charged at Coon and Friends.

Toolshed sighed. "And this day just keeps getting better," He said sarcastically.

With that, Coon and Friends jumped into battle.

* * *

At the 6th Graders' hideout, the other members of Coon and Friends were busy finishing their own battle.

"Tupper Tornado!" Tupperware shouted, knocking back four 6th Graders at once with his attack. The four crashed in a heap on the ground, covered in bruises. Before they could get up, Fastpass dumped another 6th Grader on top of them.

"Take that, s-s-sixies!" He stuttered out.

Nearby, Human Kite fired his laser beams at the 6th Graders as they rode around on their bicycles. "Stay still!" He shouted out as his beams continued to miss their targets.

"Never!" One of the 6th Graders called out, riding circles around the Jewish superhero. "Your lame laser eyes are too slow for us!"

"Well I'm not!" Fastpass called out, zooming into the fray. Quickly, he ran circles around the bicycle-riding 6th Graders, summoning a tornado that quickly engulfed his opponents. The 6th Graders let out screams of terror as they were pulled off their bikes and into the tornado, being sent flying in different directions, crashing onto the ground in a heap.

"Thanks, Fastpass," The Human Kite said as Fastpass came to a stop by his side.

"No p-p-problem," He replied.

"I'll give you a problem!" One of the 6th Graders shouted out from behind Fastpass, rushing in with a baseball bat in hand. Before he could reach his target, however, the Human Kite fired a laser blast into his chest, sending him flying backwards and into one of the ramps.

A distance away, Tupperware was holding one of the 6th Graders in a headlock. Two others, however, charged at him with baseball bats and began swinging at him, striking his armor.

"Guys!" He called out to the others. "A little help here?"

Quickly, the other three members rushed over to aid their comrade. The Human Kite soared over and grabbed one of the 6th Graders, carrying him into the air. "Hey, put me down!" The older boy shouted as the Human Kite flew up higher into the air.

"If you say so," The Human Kite said, and nonchalantly released the 6th Grader. The preteen let out a high-pitched scream as he plunged downwards, landing in the river surrounding the hideout.

The Human Kite returned to his comrades' sides just as they were finishing up on subduing Tupperware's assailants. They huddled together as the remaining 6th Graders surrounded them.

"Come on, guys!" One of them said. "They're just a bunch of loser Fourthies! Let's get 'em!" With that, the 6th Graders all charged at the outnumbered 4th Graders.

"We're wasting time," The Human Kite said. "We have to end this now!"

 _"Indeed,"_ Doctor Timothy said. _"Step back; I shall handle this."_

As the 6th Graders closed in, Doctor Timothy rolled in front of the team. Closing his eyes, he pressed his hand against his forehead as he charged up his final attack.

 _"Psychic Scream."_

Instantly, a blast of pure psychic energy was released from Doctor Timothy. The blast caught the 6th Graders full-force, sending them soaring backwards. They crashed onto the ground on the edges of the hideout in a bruised, bloody heap.

This time, they didn't get up.

For a few moments, the team surveyed the area, making sure all the 6th Graders were down. "Does that account for everybody?" The Human Kite asked.

Before anyone could answer, the team heard a crashing sound coming from behind one of the ramps. Quickly, the team rushed over to the source of the noise.

Behind the ramp, Super Craig had just finished burying the leader of the 6th Graders and his cronies under a pile of bicycles. "Say it," He snarled, picking up another bicycle, preparing to throw it onto the pile. "Say it."

The leader of the 6th Graders let out a painful cough. "U-Uncle," He groaned out after a few moments.

"I can't hear you," Super Craig taunted, raising the bicycle over his head. However, the Human Kite walked up and snatched the bicycle out of his hands.

"Enough, Super Craig," He said, tossing the bicycle away. "We have more important matters to attend to."

"Sorry, just letting off some steam," Super Craig said. Turning to the beaten 6th Grade leader, he knelt down towards him and whispered, "Now, what do you know?"

The leader of the 6th Graders heaved heavily before responding. "The night your boyfriend went missing. . . me and some of the boys were returning home after a fun night out. We happened to be in the Tweak's neighborhood."

"Okay," Super Craig said. "Go on."

"While we were walking, we saw a figure emerge from the window of his house," The 6th Grade leader explained. "He had your boyfriend."

"He did?!" Super Craig cried out, instantly losing his composure. "What did he look like? Was Tweek hurt?"

"We don't know what he looked like!" The 6th Grade leader confessed. "None of us can remember. We remember your boyfriend, though. He was bound and gagged, and he wasn't moving, so he must've been unconscious."

"Why didn't you do anything?" The Human Kite interrogated.

"We were considering it," One of the other 6th Graders explained. "But someone else beat us to the punch."

". . . What?" Tupperware asked.

"While the guy was dragging your boyfriend down the street, a truck drove up," The 6th Grader said. "Whoever was driving clearly didn't have their license, because they had no idea what they were doing. They nearly ran the guy over, which freaked him out, I guess, because he took off running."

"What happened then?" Super Craig asked.

"Some kids in costumes emerged from the back of the truck," The leader of the 6th Graders said. "They picked up your boyfriend, tossed him into the back, got in, and then they just drove off!"

"Wait, _what?"_ Super Craig said, flabbergasted. "So you mean to tell me that Bill and Fosse broke into Tweek's house to kidnap him, but someone else beat them to the punch, and then someone _else_ came in and took him from him?"

"We don't know anything else, man!" The leader of the 6th Graders said. "It happened so fast!"

Super Craig turned away from him, trying to process this information. Not one, not two, but _three_ separate parties had been out to target his boyfriend. It just didn't make sense; Craig and his boyfriend weren't the most likable people, but certainly neither of them had pissed off so many people to the point of abduction.

What was going on?

The other members of Coon and Friends continued to interrogate the 6th Graders. "Is this all you know?" Tupperware questioned.

"It's all we know, honest!" One of the 6th Graders said, feebly raising his hands in submission.

Super Craig turned to the others. "Come on, we're wasting time," He told the others. "Let's get out of this dump." He turned and started heading off. After some hesitance, the others followed suite.

The Human Kite rushed to Super Craig's side. "Well, do you have any clues on who could've kidnapped Tweek?" He asked.

"No," Super Craig replied bluntly. "If anything, this just complicates matters. It's like this whole town is out to get us."

The rest of the team didn't speak a word as they exited the hideout.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	14. Unexpected Help

_South Down: We'll see._

 _Guest: We'll see._

 _Chcknrice: Thanks._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Okay._

 _Melonmoody: Hey, a comment worth more than a two-word response! I'll admit, I actually do find the Coon and Friend episodes somewhat underwhelming, but mainly because I feel like more can be done with them. Granted, the joke is that they aren't really superheroes, but the idea of them actually engaging in hero work is a fun concept I feel can be played around with much more than it is._

* * *

The sound of punching, kicking, and crashing filled the vacant area of the town as Toolshed's team contended with the Chaos Minions led by General Disarray.

Ever since the team had been ambushed, they had been attempting to fight off their fiendish attackers so they could rejoin the rest of Coon of Friends; however, the Chaos Minions were putting up more of a fight than they expected.

Toolshed grunted as he grappled with two Swarmers, the two of them attacking him from the front and rear. The one from behind twisted his arms behind his back, allowing the other to get in several punches in Toolshed's face and chest. Kicking out his legs, Toolshed struck his attacker in the groin, causing him to double over and collapse on the ground, dazed.

With one of his attackers down, Toolshed threw back his head, hitting the other Chaos Kid in the nose with the back of his skull. The force of the blow caused his attacker to release him and clutch his bloody nose in pain. Toolshed took advantage of the brief distraction to spin around and land a left hook in his opponent's cranium, knocking him out cold.

Nearby, the Coon and Mysterion stood back-to-back, several Chaos Kids advancing upon them. The Coon glanced over and gave a hand signal to Mysterion, who nodded in response.

"Get 'em!" One of the Chaos Kids shouted, and the group charged. As they did, Mysterion athletically sprung over the Coon's head and landed on two Chaos Kids charging him, bringing them down. At the same time, the Coon spun around and slashed the Chaos Kid across the face, sending him flying. He crashed onto the ground, clutching his bleeding cheek, before getting up and running off, crying.

"Yeah, you better run!" The Coon taunted. However, he was suddenly struck in the back of the head with a red lego brick, eliciting a cry of pain. Spinning around, he saw two Chaos Bombers standing on a garbage bin, hurling lego bricks at them.

"Ow!" Toolshed cried out as one struck him in the face. "Knock it off!"

"Mosquito, air support!" Mysterion called as he shielded himself from the flying bricks.

"On it!" Mosquito declared a short distance away. As three Chaos Kids all dove towards him, he flew up into the air, causing the three Chaos Kids to collide into each other.

"Zika Rush!" He declared, zipping through the air and barreling into the Bombers, sending them flying off the garbage bin and crashing onto the ground in a heap. He continued to zoom through the air, knocking down any Chaos Minions in his path and inflicting his Lifesteal attack on them.

"Yeah, go Mosquito!" Toolshed shouted as he, Mysterion and the Coon cheered him on.

A distance away, General Disarray watched on in dismay as his forces were cut down. Growling in frustration, he glanced upwards towards a small balcony and gave a signal to an unseen figure. As Mosquito flew by, the figure slung a CD disk through the air right at him. Mosquito didn't see the disk coming until it was too late, and it sliced right through his wings.

"Oh shit!" Mosquito shouted out as he immediately lost control of his flight. "I'm going down, guys!" Barrel-rolling in midair, he spiraled downwards and crashed into a garbage can.

"Mosquito!" Toolshed called out in horror as his teammate was downed. "No!"

Nearby, General Disarray laughed. "You fools are no match for the forces of Chaos!" He declared. "Snipers, attack!"

Quickly, several Chaos Snipers appeared on the balconies, carrying disks. Taking aim, they began flinging their disks at the three standing members of Coon and Friends.

"Shit, shit, shit!" The Coon shouted as he, Toolshed and Mysterion struggled to dodge the flying disks. Without Mosquito to provide air support, they had no real defenses against the Snipers as they attacked from above. All they could do was find cover behind a nearby parked car.

"You won't be able to hide forever!" General Disarray sneered as the Snipers continued to rain down the CD disks at them. "Come out and submit to chaos!"

"Guys, this is bad!" The Coon said to the other three. They flinched as one of the disks crashed through the car window, sending small glass shards in their direction.

"We need to take out those snipers," Toolshed whispered, covering his head.

"But how?" The Coon asked. "We don't have guns."

"Well shit," Mysterion replied.

As the three considered their options, they heard one of the Snipers let out a scream of pain. Peaking out from behind the car, they saw the Chaos Sniper plunge from the small balcony and land on a car, unconscious.

"What the-" The Coon shouted out in shock.

As the three watched, a hidden figure zipped across the balcony, knocking out the Snipers before they could react. One-by-one, they fell from the building, landing on the ground below.

"What's going on here?" Toolshed asked, confused.

It appeared General Disarray was pondering the same thing, as he had look of utter shock on his face as the Snipers were taken out by the new arrival. However, his shock was replaced with fear, and he turned to try and flee, realizing the tables had turned. He didn't get far, though, as Mysterion saw him running. Grabbing a trash can cover, he flung it at the fleeing 2nd grader. It struck him in the back of the head, causing him to collapse onto the ground.

By now, all the Chaos Snipers had been taken out. Realizing the battle was over, the three got up off the ground and strode over to the downed General Disarray. The Coon grabbed him roughly by the scruff of the neck, yanked him into the air, and slammed him against the nearby wall.

"No, please!" General Disarray pleaded, raising his hands in surrender. "I give up! We won't bug you anymore!"

"If we ever see your wimpy ginger face again, you're dead meat!" The Coon threatened, raising his fist into General Disarray's face. "Now get lost, before I change my mind!" He tightened his fist around General Disarray's throat as a warning, then released him, allowing the 2nd grader to drop onto the ground. Clutching his sore throat, General Disarray got up and meekly ran off.

As General Disarray fled, the three turned their attention to their unexpected savior. The figure stood atop the balcony, concealed in darkness, staring down at the three as they approached.

"Hey you!" Toolshed called out to the figure. "Whoever you are, thanks for helping us out."

"No need to be sentimental, Stan," The figure replied.

The three superheroes froze as they recognized the voice. "Oh, no. . ." The Coon said in dismay, face-palming.

Careening over the balcony, the figure landed soundlessly on the ground before them, revealing herself. It was Call Girl.

"Wendy?!" Toolshed blurted out in shock.

"Who's this 'Wendy' you speak of?" Call Girl replied, her hands on her hips.

"Don't play games with us, you stupid skank!" The Coon shouted. "Why the Hell are you here?"

"I noticed you were in a bit of a jam and thought you could use some assistance," Call Girl replied.

"We had things perfectly under control, for your information!" The Coon snapped. "We would've taken those stupid Chaos Kids out easily if you hadn't interrupted."

"Yeah, sure thing Coon," Call Girl said sarcastically, and began pacing a bit.

"Why _are_ you here?" Toolshed asked. "It's not like you just happened to be in this part of the neighborhood in your costume."

Call Girl paused for a moment. "The truth is, ever since Tweek went missing, I felt you would need some help," She said, her back turned to them. "I decided to follow your movements for a while."

"Well thanks for the concern, but we don't need help," The Coon declared. "We're Coon and Friends. We're handling things fine."

Call Girl turned to face him. "I know you think putting on a Halloween costume makes you some sort of superhero, but even superheroes need help sometimes," She told him. "Especially when lives are at stake."

The Coon scoffed. "The last person we need help from is some stupid girl," He sneered. "Now get lost."

Call Girl rolled her eyes. Turning to Toolshed and Mysterion, she said, "If you guys need any assistance, call me." With that, she turned and disappeared into the shadows.

"What a dumb bitch," The Coon said, folding his arms. Turning to the others, he said, "Alright, Mysterion, go pick up Clyde. We need to see how the rest of the group is doing."

Rushing over to the injured Mosquito, Mysterion slung him over his shoulder. Then, the group took off, passing by the unconscious Chaos Kids as they did.

* * *

A short time later, the two groups had rendezvoused at the Human Kite's house to discuss the information they had learned.

"So our part of the investigation turned up nothing," Toolshed revealed once all the members had shown up. "Butters had nothing to do with it, as expected. Though we did have a run-in with some of his minions."

"Cool," Super Craig said dismissively. "Anyways, let's talk about the _important_ stuff. The 6th Graders weren't responsible, but they did have some useful information."

"Alright then," Mosquito, who was bandaged up after his damaging fall, said. "Shoot."

"The 6th Graders said they were in the Tweak's neighborhood the night my boyfriend went missing," Super Craig revealed. "They saw whoever kidnapped Tweek carry him out the window."

"Did they see what he looked like?" Mysterion asked.

"No, they said they forgot," The Human Kite replied.

"How could they forget?" The Coon asked, baffled. "That seems like something you would remember."

"Well, _anyways_ ," Super Craig said, enunciating his voice to get the others to pay attention. "According to them, as the figure was dragging Tweek off, some other people showed up in a truck and abducted Tweek from him."

"What?" Toolshed asked, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Bill and Fosse and whoever that other guy was weren't the only ones out to kidnap Tweek that night," Super Craig explained. "Some other people apparently shared the same goal. They showed up, kidnapped Tweek, and the other guy ran off, I guess."

"So whoever those truck people are have Tweek," Fastpass said.

"Okay," The Coon said. "What did they look like?"

"They were wearing costumes," The Human Kite said. "And they were all kids."

"And yet they know how to drive?" Toolshed pointed out.

"Apparently not, as they seemed to be doing a sucky job at it," Super Craig noted. "Alright then, we just need to figure out who those kids are."

"Well if it wasn't the 6th Graders, who could it be?" Mysterion asked.

"I. . . have no idea," Super Craig confessed. "The 6th Graders seemed to be the most likely option, but if it wasn't them, I got nothing."

"Maybe we should go back and re-check the list," Tupperware suggested.

Before any of the group members could respond, Toolshed's phone rang. Picking it up, he placed it against his ear. "Hello?"

"Toolshed, where is your team?" An adult voice responded. "Filming for your Netflix series' are within an hour. We cannot afford any delays."

"Within an hour?!" Toolshed shouted out in horror. Checking his watch, he realized that shooting, indeed, was only a short time away.

"What's going on?" Super Craig asked.

"Filming for our shows are starting soon," Toolshed revealed to the rest of the group. "We're gonna be late! We need to get to the studios now!"

"Oh shit!" Tupperware shouted. "I can't miss my show! The second season of _The Tupperware Series_ is supposed to premier tomorrow!"

"But what about the investigation?" The Human Kite asked.

"We'll get to it later!" Toolshed reassured him. "We can't miss filming now!"

With that, the team headed off to make it to the studios before it was too late.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	15. Ambush

_LivingOnLaughs: Just you wait._

 _Guest1: I could, but it has nothing to do with the story._

 _For the recurring reviewers of this story, I would suggest commenting on the previous chapter before this one, but with that said, let's continue._

* * *

When Coon and Friends made it to the studios, they were relieved to find they had just barely made it before filming began. Shooting began, and for the next few hours, the team commenced production on their Netflix series. They were also enjoyed to find that even more of their schoolmates had decided to join their shows as extras.

Eventually, when filming was over, the cast disbanded to return home after a long day at work. The superhero team stayed at the studios for a little while, though, to speak with the crew.

"So, Human Kite, are you sure you want to take your series off-hiatus?" The Netflix executive questioned the redheaded superhero. "I understand there have been some technical difficulties after one of your cast members'. . . departure."

"I'm pretty sure," The Human Kite replied. "If everything goes well, we could also discuss restarting production on _The Human Kite Movie_."

"Alright, kid," The executive said. "I admire your confidence. Anyways, I'm gonna go get a drink. I'll leave you and your co-stars to their own devices." With that, he headed off.

As the executive left, the Human Kite turned towards Super Craig, who was standing a small distance away with some of the other cast members. He hadn't partaken in any of the filming itself, but had watched from the sidelines.

The Human Kite silently ushered the rest of the team towards him, and they approached Super Craig, who was talking with some of the extras.

"So, I'm just wondering, how come we always have to be the helpless victims?" Red was saying to Super Craig. "It's like every episode, some bad guys shows up, and we immediately become utterly powerless until the hero shows up and saves the day."

"Well there wouldn't be much point in having the hero be there if you weren't powerless," Super Craig replied with a shrug. He then noticed the rest of the team approaching, and said, "Hey?"

The Human Kite turned to the extras. "Could you go, please?" He asked politely. "We need to speak with our co-worker."

The extras shrugged, but nonetheless complied and left. Once they were gone, the team turned towards Super Craig.

"What's up?" He asked.

The Human Kite exchanged glances with the rest of the team, then finally turned back to Craig. "Alright, Craig," He said, clasping his hands together. "We've been talking, and we just wanted to know. . . are you, by any chance, reconsidering?"

"Reconsidering?" Super Craig asked.

"Reconsidering the Franchise Plan, I mean," The Human Kite said. "Like, is there any chance you'll restart production on _The Super Craig Movie_? When we rescue Tweek, I mean."

Super Craig raised his hand to his chin and looked to the floor, deep in thought. He'd been so focused on rescuing Tweek, he hadn't actually considered whether or not he'd rejoin the film industry.

"I. . . don't know," He admitted after a few moments of silence. "I have to admit, it's been pretty fun hanging out with you all these past few days, but. . . I'm not sure I want to go back."

"But why?" Toolshed asked. "If you liked hanging out with us, why won't you rejoin us?"

"I'm happy to rejoin the team," Super Craig said. "I'm just not sure I want to be part of the franchise."

The team stared at him blankly. Super Craig shrugged and said, "I'm still 50/50. Maybe wait until after we've found Tweek."

"Alright," The Human Kite said, casting his eyes away. Taking out his cellphone, he said, "Oh jeez, my mom's texting me. Hold on, I gotta text her back." He strode off, typing into his cellphone.

"I need a breath of fresh air," Tupperware mumbled. "Come on, let's go." With that, the team exited the room and began to head outside the building.

As they walked, Super Craig said, "So, uh, what are we going to do now? Regarding the mission to find Tweek, that is."

"Well, we were thinking of rechecking the List," Mysterion explained. "Toolshed noted that we might of missed a suspect."

"Cool," Super Craig replied, opening the exit door of the building and stepping outside. "Then, we can finally get to cracking the-"

He froze. Behind him, the rest of the team followed him outside, only to freeze up as well, their mouths hanging open in horror, when they saw what had caused Super Craig to stop speaking.

Before their eyes, several of the team's extras lay on the ground, bound and gagged. They had looks of terror strewn across their faces as they attempted to scream through their gags.

"What the-" The Coon said, only to be struck across the head by a disc so hard it sent him crashing to the ground. The restrained extras screamed out in horror.

Caught off-guard, Coon and Friends scattered, trying to spread out to make themselves harder to route. "Dammit!" Toolshed exclaimed as he dove to find cover. "Don't tell me those stupid Chaos Kids are trying to fuck with us again!"

Next to him, Mosquito peaked out over the bench they were kneeling behind, and his eyes widened in terror. "Um, I don't think it's Chaos Kids," He said, his voice trembling. "It's _worse_."

"What?" Toolshed said, and peaked over the bench as well. Once he did, he saw who their attackers were, and his skin paled.

Mosquito was right. It wasn't Chaos Kids.

It was _far_ worse.

Standing in the center of the yard were a group of children. They had sickly pale skin. They had dark rings under their eyes. They had a splattering of black freckles across their faces.

But most importantly, they had blood red hair.

 _"Rote leistung!"_ The Ginger Kid in the center called out in German, giving a Nazi-esque salute. As he did, the team noticed the Swastika emblem on his arm.

"Oh shit, dude," Super Craig whispered from behind a trashcan.

As Coon and Friends stood stricken in terror, one of the Gingers unveiled a Molotov cocktail. Igniting it with a lighter, he hurled the cocktail towards a garbage bin, where Fastpass and the Coon were hiding.

"C-C-Crap!" Fastpass shouted, and he grabbed the Coon and zoomed them to safety right before the cocktail made contact with the bin, causing it to burst into flames. The force of the blast sent the nearby team members flying onto the ground.

As they lay, dazed from the explosion, the Ginger Kids advanced forward. Quickly, Toolshed dove from his hiding spot and rushed in to defend his teammates. With an angry growl, he collided into the nearest Ginger, knocking him backwards. Before he could recover, Toolshed landed several vicious punches to his face and chest, culminating in a spinning kick, sending him flying backwards and crashing onto the ground.

Toolshed breathed heavily, getting into a fighting stance. However, the fallen Ginger slowly got off the ground, seemingly unaffected by the beating he'd received. His face expressionless, he got to his feet before cracking his neck.

Toolshed's eyes widened in shock, but he shook off his fear and charged forward to continue fighting. Before he could reach him, however, the Ginger reeled back his head, then expelled a green liquid from his mouth. It splattered onto Toolshed's face and eyes, momentarily blinding him and causing him to falter.

"Ew," He said, wiping the green goo off his face. He looked down at his hands, which were now coated in the green liquid, and froze up for a few moments as he seemed to recognize it. However, his distraction allowed the Ginger to retaliate; with a powerful backhand, he sent Toolshed flying off his feet and landing in a heap on the ground next to his teammates.

"Stan!" Super Craig shouted out in horror. Rushing out of his hiding place, he knelt down next to Toolshed, who was coughing in pain. Super Craig looked up to see the Gingers continuing to advance towards them. Hesitantly, he stood and faced them, raising his fists.

Even as he willed himself to fight, Super Craig could feel himself faltering. He was outnumbered, and something about these Gingers seemed different from the groups' previous attackers. Something felt. . . _off._

The Gingers only stared at him, illuminated by the burning garbage bin behind them. Nearby, the tied up schoolmates watched on, sweat dripping from their foreheads. Super Craig could feel sweat streaming down his face as well.

Eventually, one of the Gingers charged forward. Super Craig shut his eyes tight, bracing himself for battle.

Suddenly, Super Craig felt a rush of air, and the attacking Ginger was sent soaring backwards into a trashcan, knocking it over. As Super Craig watched, the Human Kite appeared before him in battle formation, facing their assailants.

"Kyle?" Super Craig whispered in shock.

The Human Kite only spared a glance towards him for a few seconds. "Free the others," He said, his voice urgent. _"Now!"_

Suddenly, one of the Ginger Kids pounced in front of the Human Kite, nearly knocking him off-balance. He swung a baton, missing him by inches. The Human Kite was quick to retaliate, stepping forth and forcing the Ginger back.

For a few seconds, Super Craig stood still, watching the battle. Eventually, he snapped out of his trance and rushed towards the rest of the team. Quickly, he began urging them to their feet.

"We have to free those hostages," He told them, pulling Tupperware up. The rest of the group complied, rushing to untie their bound schoolmates.

Nearby, the Human Kite struggled to dodge the Gingers as they swung their batons at him. Jumping backwards, he blasted one of them in the chest with his laser vision, sending him flying into a brick wall. Behind him, another Ginger jumped into the air and landed on the Human Kite's back.

"Human Kite!" Toolshed shouted in horror.

The Ginger began to tear at the Human Kite's costume but was thrown off. The Human Kite stumbled for a bit, wounded, and was tackled by the lead Ginger. The two grappled for a while until the Human Kite eventually broke free. The Ginger paused, appearing to be catching his breath, but continued his assault. His movements were slower, though.

Eventually, the Human Kite took advantage of the Ginger's lowered stamina and delivered a vicious elbow to the face. The blow knocked the Ginger backwards, sending him tumbling across the ground and crashing into a fence.

Rushing forward, Toolshed and Mysterion grabbed onto the Human Kite and pulled him towards the rest of the team, who by then had freed all of the extras. They watched as the lead Ginger slowly got to his feet and faced the team, his eyes ablaze.

 _"Rote leistung!"_ He repeated, giving one last salute.

Then, he and the other Gingers fled, vanishing into the alleys.

For a few moments, the team stood still in shock, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

Eventually, the Coon spoke.

"Guys. . . what the hell was that?"

* * *

 _Read and review._


	16. The One They Missed

_LivingOnLaughs: It's killing me._

 _Guest: So did Coon and Friends._

* * *

"Um. . . excuse me?" Tweek whispered from one side of the door he was currently trapped within.

 _"What is it?"_ Came the steely response on the other side. The voice amplifiers masked the speaker's true voice, but Tweek could sense a hint of irritation from his captor's tone.

"I. . . I need to pee," He said, after a moments hesitation.

It was true. Being kidnapped and held hostage didn't erase his body's natural functions. His captors had apparently known this, as they'd made sure to keep him well-fed while he was in their clutches. However, he wasn't quite sure how they'd react to this.

Tweek thought he heard a sigh coming from the other side of the door. After what seemed like an eternity, the door creaked open, and Tweek instinctively backed away. A kid, his face concealed by a skull mask, strode into the room, a blindfold in his hands.

 _"Put this on,"_ He demanded, holding the blindfold out to him. Tweek was too scared to refuse, so he took it and placed it over his eyes. Immediately, terror washed over him as he found himself engulfed in pitch blackness, blind to his surroundings.

He felt a rough hand grab his wrist and, slowly, begin to lead him out of the room and into what appeared to be a hallway. Relief washed over Tweek as, for the first time in what seemed to have been days, he was freed from the small room.

Briefly, it occurred to him to take advantage of his freedom. Now that he was no longer trapped within the confines of the room, he could fight back somehow, try and escape. However, something kept him from it. Caution, perhaps. He still had no idea where he was, or how many of his captors were inside the building. If he tried to escape now and was caught, they may never let him out of the room again.

No, it was best not to squander his chances. He had no cooperate, at least until he had some idea of what he was going to do.

Whoever was guiding Tweek stopped, and the blond heard the sound of a door being opened. "Inside," He ordered, and roughly shoved him in before shutting the door.

Slowly, Tweek removed his blindfold, and found himself inside a small restroom. He looked around for a bit, wondering if he was being watched. Upon concluding he wasn't, he walked up to the toilet, unzipped his pants, and began to relieve himself.

As he peed, he began to hear footsteps coming from outside the restroom, followed by voices. They were also amplified, of course, but nevertheless, he could tell there were two or more people talking.

 _"The attack at the studio went just as planned,"_ One of the people outside the restroom informed the others.

Tweek froze up. They'd attacked the studio? He could only assume it was the one that Coon and Friends did their filming and business ordeals at. Had they ambushed his friends? Had they been hurt, or worse?

 _"Good,"_ Another replied. _"It was a risky move playing our hand like that, but the boss couldn't stand to wait much longer. He wants everything to go down tomorrow, preferably."_

Tomorrow. Whatever his kidnappers had abducted him for, it was all going to go down tomorrow. But what?

 _"If everything goes as planned, we should have lover boy at our doorsteps in due time,"_ Came another voice. _"Then we can end this."_

Craig. They could be referring to no one else but Craig. They wanted Craig to find him, and in doing so, walk right into their trap. He had no idea what they were going to do once they had him, but he knew it couldn't be good.

 _"Hey!"_ One of the voices said, followed by a banging on the door. _"Are you done in there?"_

It was then that Tweek realized he'd finished peeing; he'd been so preoccupied eavesdropping on the conversation outside to notice. "Um, yeah," He said, zipping up his pants and flushing the toilet. "I can come out now."

 _"Good,"_ The voice said. _"Put your blindfold back on and come out. I don't want you leaving that room from now on, got it?"_

"Um, got it," Tweek complied, and put his blindfold back on. The door creaked open, and Tweek felt the familiar hand grip him by the wrist and lead him back to his entrapment.

He tried to remain calm. But as he was led back to his room, all he could think about was Craig.

His boyfriend was being led into a trap, he knew it.

Which meant he had to find a way to save him.

* * *

After the ambush at the studio, the police were called in to investigate. Fortunately, the Gingers hadn't taken any hostages, but the extras were unable to provide sufficient info that would prove useful to the authorities. Coon and Friends, on the other hand, had returned to HQ to discuss the event.

"Seriously guys, what the hell was that?" The Coon asked once they had regrouped.

"It was Gingers!" Mosquito replied, stating the obvious. "But creepier."

"And German," Tupperware noted.

"Guys, one at a time here," Mysterion said. "Alright, I'm pretty sure none of us saw that coming. We have to think about this rationally."

"They must've been responsible for kidnapping Tweek, I know it!" Super Craig stated. "They must've been trying to abduct another one of us!"

"But why?" Fastpass questioned. "What would Gingers stand to benefit from ruining out F-F-Franchise Plan?"

"Guys, these weren't just gingers," Toolshed said, causing all eyes to turn to him. Pulling off one of his gloves, he tossed it onto the center of the table. "Look at that."

The rest of the group peered down at the glove, and saw that it was covered by a dark green goo. "Hey, doesn't that goo look familiar?" Mosquito said, squinting his eyes at the glove.

The rest of the team went deep in thought, when suddenly, the Human Kite blurted out, "Hey, remember that time we were playing that game, and a bunch of people got infected by that goo?"

The rest of the group stared blankly at him. "You know, when we were fighting over the stick?" The Human Kite went on. The rest of the group continued to stare at him silently.

"Kenny was a princess," He said dully.

"Oh!" The rest of the group said in unison, remembering what he was referring to. "You mean that goo that turned people into Nazi Zombies?" The Coon asked.

"Yeah," The Human Kite said. "Including poor Chef. . ." The team collectively hung their heads at the sad memory.

"Hey, weren't the hall monitors among the people infected?" Toolshed asked. "You know, those lame ginger kids?"

"Oh yeah, that did happen," Mysterion said.

"So what are you saying?" Super Craig asked. "That the gingers have turned back into Nazi Zombies?"

"Of course!" The Human Kite exclaimed. "Someone must've taken that goo and used it on those gingers. Whoever it is might've taken control of them somehow, gotten them to kidnap Tweek."

"Yeah," Toolshed agreed. "They do fit the criteria. They're kids, and there's a group of them. But who would turn them into Nazi Zombies?"

Silence fell over the group. Finally, Mysterion said, "Tupperware, can you show us the list? We need to see who we missed."

Tupperware complied and pulled the list out of the folder before tossing it onto the table. The Coon was the first to grab it, pulling it close to his face, preventing the others from seeing it.

"Cartman, let us see the list!" Toolshed demanded, but the Coon ignored him, simply mulling over the list of suspects, writing off those who and already been discussed, until he paused on one of them. His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped open.

"Holy shit. . ." He whispered in horror.

"Cartman, what?" The Human Kite asked, unnerved by how horrified Cartman looked. He knew that was never a good sign.

"Holy _shit_ , you guys!" The Coon repeated, louder this time. "I can't believe we missed this one!"

"Missed who?" Super Craig asked.

Slowly, the Coon flipped the list over so the rest of the ground could see. With a shaking hand, he pointed at one of the names on the list, the one that the others had failed to notice the first time.

Slowly, their eyes widened in shock as well. "But, that can't be possible," Mysterion said, baffled. "He's locked up. Right?"

The team all exchanged concerned glances with each other. "I think it'd be best if we checked," Toolshed suggested. "Just to be safe."

"I'll go," The Coon said, his eyes darkening. "If he really does have something to do with this, I'm serving his ass on a silver platter personally."

"I'll go with you," Mysterion replied. "The rest of you, try and see if you can locate where those Ginger Nazi Zombies' hideout may be."

"On it," Toolshed replied.

As the Coon and Mysterion exited the HQ, Super Craig's cellphone rang. "Dammit it," He whispered, annoyed that someone would be calling him at this time. Picking up the phone, he said, "Who is it?"

"This is Sergeant Harrison Yates from the police department," Came the gruff reply.

Super Craig rolled his eyes. "What do you want?" He asked, annoyed. He wasn't in the mood to converse with the police, especially at such a turbulent time.

"Your friends the 6th Graders sent a report to the police regarding their activities the night your boyfriend disappeared," Sergeant Yates replied. "It encouraged us to do some more investigating at the Tweak Residence, and we found something that you might find interesting."

This got Super Craig's attention. "Really?" He asked.

"Yeah," Yates said. "Come over here and see for yourself."

"Alright," Super Craig replied. "I'll be there." The call ended.

The Human Kite walked up to him. "What was that about?" He asked.

"I need to make a stop at the police department," Super Craig explained. "They said they found something important."

"Cool," The Human Kite said. "I'll go with you."

"You don't have to-"

"No, I insist," The Human Kite interrupted. "If this will bring us any closer to finding Tweek, I'm in."

Super Craig sucked in a deep breath, then sighed. "Alright," He said, relenting. "The rest of you, get to work on uncovering my boyfriend's whereabouts. We'll be back in a flash."

As the two were about to leave, Toolshed called out, "Super Craig, can I borrow your phone?"

"What?" Super Craig asked, raising an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Just give me it," Toolshed said, extending his hand.

Super Craig narrowed his eyes, but nonetheless handed him the phone. "Give it back when you're done," He ordered, and with that, he and the Human Kite exited the basement.

Fastpass hobbled up to Toolshed. "Why do you need his phone?" He asked.

"Super Craig mentioned that whoever took Tweek sent him an anonymous phone call," Toolshed pointed out. "Well, I think I know just the person who could help us track the call. . ."

* * *

"Hello nurse, we're here to visit one of the patients," Mysterion said once he and the Coon had arrived at the South Park Mental House.

"Reason?" The nurse replied dully.

"Uh, just a family reunion," The Coon said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Alright, just turn left and enter the hallway," The nurse said casually.

Mysterion and the Coon complied, heading down into the hallway. The two passed by rows of padded cells, trying to ignore the insane ramblings of the patients trapped within, until they finally arrived at the room they were looking for.

For a few moments, the Coon simply stared at the door silently, as if contemplating whether he should go through with it. Mysterion appeared to notice his conflict, as he placed a hand on his shoulder and said, "Are you sure you're ready for this."

The Coon sucked in a deep breath. "I'm ready," He said, clenching his fists.

With that, he opened the door and stepped in, along with Mysterion.

Inside, the cell's occupant sat silently against the wall, his head lowered, preventing the two from seeing his face. He was bound in a straitjacket, and was so still that one might've thought he was dead, if not for the slight breathing coming from his mouth.

But then, he rose his head to look at the two who had disturbed his rest, his eyes hollow and filled with bitterness. Slowly, his lips curled into a disturbed grin.

"Hello, _brother_ ," Scott Tenorman sneered.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	17. The Visit

_South Down: Nice to see you back._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Let's see._

* * *

"Hello, _brother_."

The Coon's eyes narrowed as he glared down at his half-brother, seething at the reminder of their shared parentage. Behind him, Mysterion took a cautious step forward, ready to intervene within a moments notice if things got too tense.

Scott Tenorman grin widened, amused by his younger half-brother's display of anger. "So, what brings you to my humble abode, brother?" He asked jeeringly. "Here for a loving family reunion?"

The Coon closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, then opened them, his face showing resolve. "Earlier today, our studio was attacked," He explained, trying to reign in his anger. "The culprits were a group of ginger children."

There was a flicker in Scott's eyes. "Is that so?" He asked, sounding half-intrigued.

"They showed all the symptoms of people infected by a green goo, one that turns you into a Nazi Zombie," The Coon went on. "What do you know about it?"

Scott chuckled grimly. "That someone's been watching too many corny B-movies," He said slyly, resting up against the wall. "Sounds like a good rental."

"If you're behind this in any way, we will find out," Mysterion warned, taking a step forward. "We won't tolerate anyone messing with our Franchise Plan."

"Oh yeah, that," Scott replied in a dismissive tone. "Heard about wonder boy going missing. Tragic."

"It's Wonder Tweek," The Coon corrected. "It's Wonder Tweek and without him, we're gonna miss out on several million dollars! Now tell us what you know!" He took a step forward and gripped Scott by the collar, shaking him hard.

Scott stared into the Coon's eyes, unfazed. "I have many gingers in the palm of my hands, but I don't know of any Nazi Zombie goo or that shit," He admitted. "And besides, if I was directing their actions, don't you think I would've had them go after you instead of Wonder Tweek?"

"To be fair, Coon's not as essential to our Franchise Plan," Mysterion pointed out.

The Coon turned and shot a glare at him, muttering a few curse words, before turning back to Scott. He stared long and hard into Scott's eyes, but could detect no hint of a lie.

After a while, the Coon reluctantly released him. "If we find out you're lying, I'll find the spiciest chili I can find, and shove it up your ginger ass!" He threatened. With that, he turned out and stormed out of the room, Mysterion following close behind.

"Oh, wouldn't miss it for the world, brother!" Scott called out as the two left, and began cackling maniacally, his laughter echoing throughout the mental house.

* * *

"Wendy, open up!" Toolshed shouted as he banged on the front door of the Testaburgers' house. Behind him, the other members of Coon and Friends watched anxiously.

Eventually, the door creaked open. However, Toolshed's face fell when he saw it wasn't Wendy at the door.

"Goddammit," He muttered under his breath.

"What do you want?" Nelly asked, her hand on the doorknob, ready to slam the door in his face. She had an annoyed expression on her face, and her tone let the team know she hadn't forgotten the stunt they'd pulled not too long ago.

"I need to see Wendy," Toolshed explained. "It's important."

"Can't you see we're busy right now?" Nelly said through gritted teeth.

Suddenly, Wendy showed up at the door next to the brunette, lightly shoving her off. "Nelly, back off," She warned. Nelly grumbled and rolled her eyes, but nevertheless turned and headed off down the hallway.

Once she was gone, Wendy turned to Toolshed. "What is it, Stan?" She asked.

"Toolshed," He corrected. "Look, we need you to trace a call from Craig's phone. It might be our best chance at finding where Tweek is being kept."

Wendy's eyes flickered. "Come in," She said, ushering the team into her house. She led them into the living room and upstairs to her room. As they did, they noticed several of her girl friends scattered across the house. A few of them acknowledged the team, but made no comments.

Once they were in Wendy's room, Toolshed and Wendy approached her desk. "Explain," She demanded.

"Craig received an anonymous phone call a couple nights ago," Toolshed explained to her. "He says whoever was holding Tweek allowed him to speak to Craig, briefly."

"Why would they do that?" Wendy asked.

"We don't know," Toolshed confessed. "However, if Tweek was speaking to Craig, that means the call was sent from wherever he's being held. Wendy, you're the most tech-savvy person I know; we need you to track that phone call to see where he's being hidden."

Wendy paused for a few moments. After a while, she furrowed her eyebrows and said, "On it. I'll have Tweek's location within the hour."

Toolshed grinned. "Thanks, Wendy," He said, and placed a small kiss on her cheek as he handed her Craig's cellphone.

The other members of Coon and Friends exchanged anxious, but hopeful, glances.

If things turned out right, they could have Tweek rescued by tomorrow morning.

* * *

"Alright, Sergeant Yates, what did you find?" The Human Kite asked the lead detective once he and Super Craig had arrived at the Park County Police Department.

The detective showed the two young superheroes to a small desk. "You see this?" He said, pointing to a small piece of black fabric under a microscope.

Super Craig and the Human Kite glanced down at the fabric. "You called us here to inspect a piece of cloth?" Super Craig asked, irritated that he'd wasted such precious time.

"It's not just any cloth," Sergeant Yates replied. "We found this on the sidewalk in front of the Tweak Residence, where the 6th Graders say the culprit disappeared. We placed it under a few scanners, and we found that the piece of fabric matched those cheap Batman costumes sold at Dollarama for less than a dollar."

Super Craig and the Human Kite exchanged glances. "Okay?" The latter said, signaling for the police detective to continue.

"Whoever kidnapped your boyfriend was wearing a Batman costume," Sergeant Yates explained. "Do you know anyone who owns a Batman costume?"

Super Craig quickly searched his memory for anyone he knew who fit the description. "Uh, few people spring to mind," He confessed after a while. "I mean, anyone could get that Batman costume. It costs so little."

"Well just keep that in mind while you continue your investigation," Sergeant Yates. "We'll continue questioning anyone on if they know anything about your boyfriend's disappearance."

"Thanks, officer," The Human Kite said. With that, he and Super Craig turned and began to leave.

"Who _does_ own a Batman costume?" Super Craig questioned as he and the Human Kite strode down the hallway. "I think I know of somebody, but I just can't put my finger on it."

"Well whoever it is, they can't be the one who's holding Tweek," The Human Kite reminded him. "The 6th Graders did say that whoever it was was scared off when those kids in the van showed up and took him."

"Yeah, but they still tried to kidnap Tweek," Super Craig pointed out. "Even if it turns out the gingers are the ones holding Tweek and we get them, what's to stop that Batman-cosplaying freak to take him away? They _all_ need to be found, all the people who've targeted my boyfriend!"

The Human Kite went silent for a moment. Suddenly, his cellphone rang, and he took it out. Noticing it was coming from Mosquito, he answered it.

"Yes Mosquito?" He asked.

"Toolshed wants you to come to Wendy's house," Mosquito explained. "He says Wendy's managed to find a lead. It could lead us to where Tweek's being kept."

Super Craig, who had been listening in on the call, immediately sprung up at the news and snatched the phone out of the Human Kite's hands. "Really?!" He exclaimed. "You've found the place."

"Uh, we hope," Mosquito says. "Just get over here, and we discuss our next course of action!"

"You got it!" Super Craig said, and handed the cellphone back to the Human Kite.

"Huh," The Human Kite said, genuinely impressed. "This is pleasant news. Come on, Super Craig, let's go."

As they headed off, Super Craig said, "You know, Kyle, I have to admit, it's actually been pretty great hanging out with you guys again. I feel like we're actually doing some real good for the town."

"Well we are Coon and Friends, after all," The Human Kite replied. "It's kind of what we do."

Super Craig chuckled. "I can't wait to see Tweek again," He said. "I want to tell him about all the stuff we've done."

The Human Kite frowned. "Hey, Craig, can I ask you something," He said, pausing.

"What?" Super Craig asked, stopping as well.

"Well, you seem to really enjoy hanging out with us," The Human Kite said, rubbing the back of his head. "I just want to know; why _did_ you quit?"

Super Craig paused for a few moments, his face turning black. He shifted his eyes downwards, as if struggling to remember the reason.

"Well, to be honest. . ." He said, looking up to stare into the Human Kite's eyes. "I kind of felt you guys weren't interested in being superheroes."

The Human Kite's eyes widened. _"What?"_ He exclaimed, shocked. "What are you talking about? We're the best superhero team in South Park! We have the costumes, the TV show, the movies, everything!"

"Yeah, that's it," Super Craig said. "You guys looked like heroes, but you weren't really acting like it."

"What do you mean?" The Human Kite asked.

"When you first formed Coon and Friends, you did it to help people," Super Craig explained. "You tried to save lives, or aid those who were in need. The result may not have been that impressive, but there was a genuine desire to be a hero. But once you formed that whole Franchise Plan, all you talked about was how to make a billion dollars. It was all deadlines, and budgeting, and casting crews."

"But I thought you wanted to be rich," The Human Kite asked.

"Don't get me wrong, making a billion dollars would be great," Super Craig said. "But so would actually being the thing we advertised ourselves as. You know, actually doing the things we said we'd do. Fighting crimes, solving mysteries, bringing bad guys to justice. . . we only do those things in our shows, rather than actually doing it in reality."

The Human Kite stared at him silently.

"I guess I just wanted you guys to be more than actors," Super Craig confessed. "I wanted you guys to be real heroes. Someone my little sister could really look up to. Someone. . . Tweek could look up to." He turned away, not wanting the Human Kite to see him looking so sad.

"I kind of wish I'd just told you guys that," He admitted. "Because you really proved me wrong. These past few days, you've been more than actors. You've actually been. . . heroes."

Super Craig's eyes widened when he heard sniffling coming from the Human Kite, and turned to him. The Human Kite's back was turned, but Super Craig could notice him breathing heavily and choking back sobs.

"Kyle?" He asked, and walked up to him, concerned. "Are you okay?"

For a few moments, the Human Kite tried to compose himself. Straightening up, he turned around to face Super Craig. "It was nothing," He denied, even as his eyes were stuffy from crying. "Let's. . . let's get your boyfriend back."

"Um. . . okay," Super Craig said after a few moments of silence.

With that, he and the Human Kite rushed down the hallway of the police department to rendezvous with the others.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	18. Ticket to Freedom

_LivingOnLaughs: Oh, he did? Interesting._

 _South Down: One can only wonder._

 _Your Face: Thanks for the support._

* * *

When Super Craig and the Human Kite made it to Wendy's house, they were greeted by some of their female classmates.

"Hey, Super Craig," A couple of them said in a flirtatious tone.

Super Craig grumbled. "Where are the others?" He bluntly asked, not wanting to waste anymore time. He wanted to have Tweek safely retrieved by tonight.

Esther pointed upstairs. Super Craig roughly pushed past the girls and stormed up the stairs, the Human Kite trailing closely behind him. In no time, they had reached Wendy's room, where they saw the other members of Coon and Friends watch as Wendy finished putting on her Call Girl outfit.

"What's up?" Mosquito asked once he noticed Super Craig and the Human Kite arrive. "What did the police have to show you?"

Super Craig ignored him and turned to Call Girl. "Did you do it?" He asked. "Did you find Tweek's location?"

Call Girl nodded, holding up Craig's phone. "I tracked the call's IP address," She informed him. "The call appears to have come from the Airport Hilton."

"Of course!" The Human Kite exclaimed. "That was the Ginger Separatist Movement's HQ during their rallies. It makes sense they'd use it as their base of operations this time."

"And their hotel staff bends over backwards to accommodate their guests," Toolshed added. "Including helping harbor a hostage."

Super Craig thought to himself, taking in their words. It was true, when Cartman had previously rallied the Gingers into a genocidal frenzy and got them to cage every non-ginger in South Park, the staff at the Airport Hilton had no qualms with abetting their crimes. If this really was the work of the gingers, and they had kidnapped Tweek, he wouldn't put it past them to aid the gingers once more.

"If that's true, then we mustn't waste anymore time," He told the rest of the group. "We have to go to Airport Hilton now!"

"Well then what are we waiting for?" Toolshed asked. "Let's get Coon and Mosquito and do this thing!"

"Yeah!" The rest of the team exclaimed, and began to rush out of Wendy's room and head down the stairs, where the other girls were currently lounging about.

"Alright ladies, we're off to do some hero work!" Mosquito informed them. "Wish us luck!"

"Wendy, where are you going?" Red questioned, noticing her superhero costume. "And why are you wearing that?"

"I'm going with them," Call Girl informed the others. "Nelly's in charge while I'm gone. But no playing doctor in my house!"

At the mention of her name, Super Craig's eyes briefly fell on the pigtail-wearing brunette. She met his gaze and narrowed her eyes, immediately causing him to avert his eyes away from her.

Too late.

"Do you have something on your mind?" Nelly abruptly asked in an aggressive tone, standing up from the couch she was sitting on. Immediately, the other girls shrunk away, unwilling to have any part in the confrontation they knew was about to happen.

Super Craig said nothing, simply keeping his eyes on the ground. Behind him, the other members of Coon and Friends were frozen on the spot, staring silently at the two. Even Wendy's mouth was a thin line.

"Well, is there anything you have to say for yourself?" Nelly asked, her hands on her hips. "For trespassing into _my house_?"

". . . No," Super Craig willed himself to say through gritted teeth.

Hoping to defuse the situation, Toolshed quickly said, "Dude, let's go."

Eager to leave, Super Craig slowly turned and was about to head out the door when Nelly sneered, "Yes, go and save your cute boy-toy. Wouldn't want him hurt before you're done playing with him."

Super Craig froze. Nearby, every member of Coon and Friends straightened up, noticing the way his expression shifted darkly. His look sent the equivalent of a golden shower to their groins.

Without thinking, Super Craig whirled around on Nelly and stormed towards her.

"Craig!" The Human Kite called out quickly, not wanting his friend to do something he'd regret.

However, Super Craig didn't lay a finger on Nelly. He didn't even raise a fist towards her.

Instead, he locked eyes with Nelly, and spoke through gritted teeth, "His name is _Tweek._ And I love him more than you've _ever_ loved anyone in your miserable life."

Nelly's hardened expression changed. Her mouth dropped open, but she said nothing. She simply stared at Craig with a crestfallen look.

"Craig," The Human Kite repeated, his voice softer. "Let's _go_."

Not losing his glare, Super Craig turned away from Nelly and stormed over to the front door, swinging it open and heading outside.

After some hesitation, the rest of the group followed.

* * *

Soon after leaving Wendy's house, the team regrouped with the Coon and Mysterion near the woods.

"Alright, Mysterion, status report," Toolshed commanded immediately.

"Well, the good news is that Scott Tenorman's still secure in his cell and isn't up to anything," Mysterion informed him. "Bad news is, that means we still don't know who's behind Tweek's kidnapping."

"Well, we have some good news of our own," Toolshed replied. "You see-"

"Hey!" The Coon suddenly barked. "What the Hell is _she_ doing here?!" He pointed a finger at Call Girl, who was utterly unfazed.

Toolshed's gaze shifted between Call Girl and the Coon. ". . . I was getting to that," He said, somewhat uncomfortable. "You see, thanks to Call Girl, we've managed to track down Tweek's location to the Airport Hilton. We think that's where the Ginger Kids' base is."

"Oh, that makes sense," The Coon said, easing up. "Those hotel staff guys have always been ass kissers." He then furrowed his eyebrows and then added, "But why the Hell is she coming with us?!"

"Come on, Coon, we could use all the help we can get," Mosquito said. "We're not dealing with simple Chaos Kids. These Gingers are really dangerous, and you should know that better than anyone."

The Coon grumbled, but relented and said, "Alright, fine."

Mysterion turned to Super Craig. "What did the police have to show you at the department?" He asked.

"Apparently, they found evidence that whoever nabbed Tweek was wearing a Batman costume," Super Craig replied.

"How did they know?" Mysterion asked quickly.

"I dunno," Super Craig said, shrugging his shoulders. "They just found some cloth and managed to connect it to some cheap Batman costumes. At the very least, though, whoever it is can't have Tweek, so they're not a priority at the moment."

"That's a relief," Mysterion said.

"Come on, guys!" Toolshed interrupted. "We have to do this quickly! After that whole setback with Bill and Fosse complicated things, I just want to get this over with. Does anyone have any plans for how we're going to infiltrate Airport Hilton?"

"I do!" Super Craig immediately said. "Everyone, listen closely."

When he was sure he had the rest of the group's attention, Super Craig whispered, "Alright, so if it really is the Ginger Kids behind this, then the airport is going to be crawling with those Nazi Zombies. So, we're gonna have to be very stealthy. . ."

* * *

At the entrance of the Airport Hilton, two masked kids stood guard, baseball bats in hand. One was wearing a hockey mask, while the other was wearing a witch mask.

"This is so boring," The kid in the hockey mask said. "Why are we just standing here, doing nothing?"

"The boss says Coon and Friends may be showing up sooner than expected," The kid in the witch mask replied. "So we gotta be ready for them when they arrive."

"Well do you see anything?" The hockey mask kid asked.

"Wait a moment," The witch kid said, and pulled out a pair of binoculars. Placing them before his eyes, he scanned the streets and woods surrounding the hotel.

"Um, nothing yet," He said, surveying the area, only to pause. "Wait, I think I see something!"

"Really?" The hockey mask kid asked. "What?"

"Um, looks like a kid," The witch kid explained, still looking through the binoculars. "He has a blue coat and a chullo hat with a yellow puffball on top."

"What's he doing?" The hockey mask kid asked.

"He. . . he's running," The witch kid replied, squinting his eyes. "He's running pretty fast. Wow, he has a pretty pissed off look on his face. . ."

"Where's he running?" The hockey mask kid asked, trying to follow where the witch kid was staring at.

"He seems to be running towards us," The witch kid said. "Seems to be in a bit of a hurry. Hey, is that an 'S' on his chest-"

Before he could finish his sentence, Super Craig rammed his fist into the witch kid's gut, knocking the wind out of him. Wrenching the binoculars out of his hands, Super Craig smashed it into the kid's face so hard it broke. Before his foe could recover, Super Craig grabbed him by the head and kneed him in the nose, resulting in an audible _crunch_ sound. The witch kid collapsed onto the ground, unconscious.

Quickly, Super Craig then dashed past the hockey mask kid and burst through the doors of the Airport Hilton. Behind him, the other members of Coon and Friends scrambled out of the woods and followed him inside, leaving the hockey mask kid standing next to his downed comrade.

". . . Hey," He said, offended.

* * *

In a higher section of the Airport Hilton, the kid wearing the clown mask approached the one in the skull mask. _"I just got news that Coon and Friends have just now infiltrated the building,"_ He informed his comrade.

 _"Good,"_ The kid in the skull mask replied. _"Release the Ginger Nazi Zombies. I'll go get twitchy."_ With that, the two headed off in opposite directions.

The kid in the skull mask strode over to Tweek's cell door. Unlocking it, he creaked open the door, saying, _"Well, Wonder Tweek, have I got news for you. It appears your boyfriend's here for you-"_

He stopped, however, when he noticed that the cell was empty. There was no sign of Tweek anywhere.

 _"What the-"_ The skull-masked kid spluttered in disbelief. Racing inside, he whirled around, saying, _"Where did-"_

Too late, he noticed a certain twitchy blond boy, hanging off the top of the open door. He was shirtless, his green shirt rolled up and in his fist, looking like furled rag.

Before the skull-masked kid could respond, Tweek let out a angry shout and sprang from the door. Using his furled-up shirt like a whip, he struck his captor across the face, causing his head to whip around. Before he could retaliate, Tweek threw the furled shirt over his captor's head and tightened it around his throat, cutting off his oxygen.

Gagging, the masked kid fell backwards, squishing Tweek beneath him. He held on, however, continuing to choke the life out of him with the shirt. The masked kid thrashed wildly in his grip, but Tweek held on with all of his strength, not daring to loosen his grip.

After several agonizing moments, the masked kid fell still. His arms fell to his side, his legs stopped kicking, and he went limp on top of the short blond boy. When he was sure his captor was unconscious, Tweek let go of his shirt and let his arms fall to the side.

For a few moments, Tweek lay on the cold floor, his unconscious captor lying on top of him, breathing heavily. Eventually, he shoved the masked boy off of him and scrambled towards the wall, staring at the masked kid in fright. Each second, he expected him to spring up off the ground and attack.

Eventually, Tweek managed to find it within himself to calm down. He recalled what the masked boy had said just before entering.

Craig, his boyfriend, was _here_. He was here, looking for him.

Which also meant that he was in grave danger.

Picking up the keys the masked boy had dropped, Tweek looked towards the open door. His ticket to freedom. He knew he couldn't waste any time.

"I'm coming for you, Craig," He whispered, a determined look on his face.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	19. Battle in the Hilton

_South Down: Won't be their last interaction._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Be prepared; the excitement is only beginning._

* * *

"Dude, what the hell was stealthy about that?!" Toolshed shouted at Super Craig once the group had made it inside the hotel.

"We were on a time crunch here!" Super Craig shot back. "We didn't have enough time to form strategies!"

"Guys, shut it!" Call Girl snapped at them, causing them to shut up immediately. "All that matters is that we're inside now, and the guards at the entrance are proof that this is where Tweek is being kept. So we're all gonna have to scour this building to find him."

"We'll cover more ground by splitting up," The Human Kite suggested.

"Right, but we have to be careful," The Coon said. "This place is crawling with Gingers."

" _Nazi_ Gingers," The Human Kite pointed out.

"Yeah, that too," The Coon replied dismissively. "But anyways, we got to be stealthy and vigilant. Who knows what's lurking right behind the corner-"

Suddenly, the Head Concierge strode down the hallway towards the team. "Hey, what are you kids doing in here?" He asked upon noticing the superhero team. "You're not members of the Ginger Rally."

"Dammit, our positions' been compromised!" The Coon shouted out. "Everyone bail!"

Quickly, the team took off in different directions. The concierge tried to stop them, but they were too fast. Within moments, the team had vanished from the front entrance.

* * *

"Shit, shit, shit!" Toolshed repeated in a panic as he repeatedly pressed the Up button for the elevator. In the group's panic, he'd been separated from most of the team, with only Call Girl by his side.

"Stan, calm down!" Call Girl said to her boyfriend. "We have a mission to execute!"

Suddenly, the two heard footsteps racing down the lobby. Whipping around, the two saw a pair of masked children materialize at the end of the hallway, one wearing a werewolf mask and the other wearing a goblin mask. The two of them held crowbars in their fists.

"There they are!" The kid in the werewolf mask said, pointing at the two. "Get 'em!" Immediately, he and the other fiend charged towards them.

Toolshed and Call Girl exchanged glances, then nodded, a determined look on their faces. The two charged to meet their assailants individually; Stan went for the one in the werewolf mask while Wendy faced down the one in the goblin mask.

As the werewolf boy reared his arm back to take a swing, Toolshed delivered a headbutt to his nose, knocking him off-balance. Regaining his composure, the werewolf boy swung the crowbar towards Toolshed, the tip of it scraping his arm. Toolshed let out a scream of pain, clutching his bleeding arm. The werewolf boy raised his crowbar to deliver another blow, but before he could strike, Toolshed quickly whipped out his screwdriver and jabbed the tip of it into his opponent's arm.

The boy let out a high-pitched yelp and dropped the crowbar. Toolshed took the opportunity to ram his head into his opponent's face once more, sending him hurtling backwards. He crashed onto the floor, dazed.

Only a few feet away, Call Girl and the goblin boy circled each other, fists raised. The goblin boy eventually took a swing at Call Girl's face, but the dark-haired girl ducked under the boy. She struck her fist out and delivered a vicious punch to her assailant's groin, causing him to double over in pain. Call Girl then delivered a swinging kick to his head, causing him to whip around and face-plant into the wall. He slid onto the ground, unconscious.

Their opponents down, Toolshed and Call Girl raced into each other's arms. "That was amazing, Toolshed," Call Girl said. "I always told you you should use your head."

"Uh, thanks Call Girl," Toolshed replied awkwardly.

It was then that the elevator door finally opened. "Took that thing long enough," Toolshed mumbled, turning towards the door. "Come on, Call Girl, let's go and find-"

He froze, however, when he saw who was inside the elevator. Call Girl did the same.

 _"Rote leistung!"_ The head Ginger Nazi Zombie declared, giving a salute with his free hand, the other holding a machine gun trained on the superhero couple. By each side were two other armed Nazi Zombies.

". . . Oh shit," Toolshed said, his skin turning pale.

* * *

"Fastpass, are you done checking these rooms yet?!" The Coon called out as he finished punching out one of the Ginger Nazi Zombies in the hallway. He, Mysterion, Tupperware and Mosquito were busy attempting to fend off the masked kids and undead nazis while their brisk teammate zipped in and out of every door in the hallway.

"Halfway done!" Fastpass replied as he zoomed out of one room. He dashed into another room, followed by a high-pitched scream and a man shouting, "Hey, what the Hell?!"

Fastpass quickly exited the room, muttering, "Definitely not t-t-that one!"

"Why are you checking the guest rooms?" Tupperware asked as he placed an alien-masked kid in a headlock. "Craig says Tweek was locked in a cell."

"Well where the Hell are we going to find a cell in a hotel?!" The Coon retorted, tossing a Ginger Nazi Zombie aside.

Nearby, one of the bellboys casually pulling a luggage cart through the chaotic hallway paused at the question. "Oh, the cells?" He asked. "We have those in hallway 6." He then continued on his way.

The members of Coon and Friends paused for a few seconds. Eventually, the Coon snapped out of it and said, "Coon and Friends, hallway 6, pronto!" They then dashed down the hallways, dodging the Ginger Nazi Zombies continuing to hound them.

Bursting through the door, the small team dashed up the stairs until they'd eventually made it to the 6th hallway. Tupperware shut the door behind them and held onto the doorknob, keeping their assailants from following them, while the other four scoured the hallway.

"Look!" Mosquito exclaimed, pointing at one cell door that was hanging wide open. The team rushed towards it and glanced inside, but saw no one.

"This has to be Tweek's cell!" Mosquito said.

"Well, where's Tweek then?" Mysterion asked.

"You think he escaped?" Fastpass suggested. "Or was taken somewhere else?"

The Coon stroke his chin, deep in thought, before his eyes lit up. "I think I may have an idea where!" He said, snapping his fingers. "Follow me, guys!" He then dashed down the hallway, the others following suite.

* * *

In a darkened hallway, Super Craig, the Human Kite and Doctor Timothy walked down the lobby. "We've looked everywhere and we still can't find Tweek!" Super Craig exclaimed in frustration. "Where could he be?"

"Calm down, Super Craig," The Human Kite said. "He's here somewhere. We just need to find him!"

An inhumane howl ripped through their ears at that very moment, causing the three to duck behind a luggage cart to avoid being seen. Peaking out, they saw the kid with the hockey mask scanning the hallway, a pair of Ginger Nazi Zombies by his side.

"I think I heard something down there," He said to his undead comrades. "Check the hallway."

The zombies turned and slowly limped towards the darkened hallway where the three superheroes hid. Super Craig gulped nervously, hearing their footsteps get closer and closer.

The Human Kite, however, had a determined look on his face. He turned and nodded silently towards Super Craig, who shrugged in response.

Sighing and rolling his eyes, the Human Kite suddenly sprang out from behind the cart, eliciting surprised groans from the Ginger Nazi Zombies. Before they could move, the Human Kite blasted one of them in the chest with his laser eyes, sending him flying across the room. The other took aim with his machine gun and fired, but the Human Kite summoned his Kite Shield, deflecting the fire. Taking flight, the Human Kite let loose another laser blast, incinerating the machine gun before blasting the zombie to the ground.

"Oh shit!" The hockey mask kid exclaimed as his comrades were taken out. He turned to flee, but the Human Kite was on him in seconds, grabbing him and hurling him at Super Craig's feet.

"Don't hurt me!" The masked kid pleaded as Super Craig grabbed him by the collar and hoisted him to his feet. "I'm just hired help!"

"Where's my boyfriend?!" Super Craig shouted, reeling back his fist. "Talk, while you still have a jaw!"

The masked kid let out a panicked squeal, raising his hands to his face. However, the Human Kite called out, "Wait, Super Craig! I have a better idea!"

Begrudgingly, Super Craig released the masked boy, allowing him to drop onto the floor. The Human Kite turned towards Doctor Timothy and nodded. The wheelchair-bound boy nodded in response, understanding.

Rolling up to the downed masked boy, Doctor Timothy placed his hand onto his massive forehead. _"Listen to me, fiend,"_ He spoke to the boy's psyche. _"You will lead us to our comrade's location."_

The masked boy struggled for a few moments, but eventually got to his feet, his eyes looking dazed. "As you wish," He said in a hypnotic tone, before turning and slowly walking down the hallway. The trio followed close by.

After a few minutes of walking, the group turned down a hallway leading to a door. Even from a distance away, they could notice an orange glow coming from within.

"Hey, I know that room," Super Craig pointed out. "That's the Sunset Room!" Shoving past the hypnotized masked boy, he dashed down the hallway and burst through the door.

Almost immediately, Super Craig was met with the burning heat of lava, causing him to recoil briefly. Willing himself to look, he saw a massive lava pit in the center of the room, identical to the one that had been used the last time Super Craig had been in the Sunset Room against his will.

Unlike last time, however, there was only one cage this time, dangling precariously above the pit and covered in a blanket. And at the front of the pit, their backs turned to Super Craig, were two masked children, one wearing the clown mask and the other, the skull mask.

Turning around to face Super Craig, the clown-masked boy whispered, _"Greetings, Super Craig. We've been expecting you."_

Super Craig immediately got into a defensive pose. "Where is he?" He asked through gritted teeth. "Where. Is. _Tweek_?"

 _"Oh, you want to know, do you?"_ The clown masked boy replied. _"Well, I'll be happy to indulge you."_

He snapped his fingers, and a Nazi Zombie Ginger that Super Craig hadn't noticed pulled a lever. Slowly, the blanket was lifted from the cage, revealing a lone boy, his head covered in a pillowcase, dressed in Tweek's clothes.

Super Craig let out a horrified gasp.

"Tweek!" He cried out in horror.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	20. Saving Tweek

_Nicole980: Oh, happy to see a new face here. Hope you enjoy the rest._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Well I'll be happy to indulge you._

* * *

Toolshed and Call Girl raced down the hallway as fast as they could. Behind them, three Nazi Zombie Gingers pursued them, raining bullets after them.

"Shit, Wendy, they're shooting at us!" Toolshed shouted frantically, hearing the gunfire behind him.

"It's a good thing they can't aim, though," Call Girl noted. Indeed, the zombies seemed to be aiming everywhere except at them. The bullets bounced off the walls, doors, and lights, darkening the hallway.

The two turned down a hallway, and that's when they noticed the Sunset Room down the hall, its doors wide open. They saw the glowing orange light coming from within it, and knew immediately that something important must be happening there. "Come on, Stan," Call Girl said, taking her boyfriend by the wrist and half-dragging him down the hallway and into the room.

Immediately, the two came to a stop, their eyes widening in shock and horror. Super Craig, the Human Kite and Doctor Timothy all stood before them, their backs turned, facing the two malevolent masked children standing before the massive lava pit. And hanging above the pit was a small cage holding none other than Tweek, his head covered in a pillowcase.

"Tweek!" Call Girl half-shouted, half-whispered in horror.

The three superheroes standing in front of them didn't appear to notice their entrance. Instead, Super Craig took a step forward towards the masked children, growling, "Let him go!"

 _"Not so fast,"_ The clown masked boy said as Super Craig approached, snapping his fingers. Quickly, the Nazi Zombie Kid pulled another level, and the cage was lowered an inch towards the lava pit. Inside the cage, it's captive let out a muffled scream.

Super Craig's face contorted into horror, and he complied, taking a reluctant step backwards. Even as he did, he clenched his fists, wanting nothing more than to strangle the masked boy in front of him.

 _"That's better,"_ The clown masked boy whispered snidely. _"If any of you get any more funny ideas, my friend here will drop that cage smack-dab into that pit, and your pretty little boyfriend along with it."_

"Dude, no need to get so hostile," The Human Kite said, trying to keep things as calm as possible. "Now, you've obviously wanted us to come to you. Now that you have us right where you want us, what do you want?"

 _"What do I want?"_ The clown masked boy repeated, tilting his head. Chuckling deeply, he turned away from the team, folding his arms behind his back.

 _"What do I want?"_ He repeated, pacing slightly. _"What do I want. . ."_

Losing patience, Super Craig shouted, "Dammit, stop playing games with us! What is it that you want?!"

Turning back towards Super Craig, the masked boy whispered, " _I'll tell you what we want. We want. . . money."_

The team stared at the two masked children blankly for a few moments. ". . . Money?" Toolshed said, tilting his head.

 _"Oh yes,"_ The masked boy said. _"You see, with this Franchise Plan you've acquired, you Coon Friends have the potential to be the most profitable kids in the whole town. Wonder Tweek alone is worth millions."_

"Yeah, so?" Super Craig asked, confused as all Hell. "What's your point?"

 _"The point is that together, the lot of you are worth a billion dollars,"_ The masked boy said. _"Which is why we needed a way to lure you all into one place."_ With another snap of the finger, the boy then summoned over a dozen of Nazi Zombie Gingers standing atop the cages on both sides of the room, their guns aimed at the team. They were surrounded.

"Oh shit," Toolshed whispered. He took Call Girl's hand in his own, trying to find comfort in such a stressful situation.

Super Craig, however, looked unfazed. "Well you have us," He said coolly. "What are you gonna do with us?"

 _"It's very simple,"_ The masked boy said. _"Now that we have you, we're going to sell all of you. . . on Amazon."_

The team continued to stare at him blankly. ". . . That's insane!" Call Girl exclaimed, breaking the silence.

 _"Oh is it?!"_ The masked boy shouted. _"Do you have any idea how much people will pay for you? I bet quite a few girls at this very school would give millions to have a superhero gay best friend as an accessory."_

"We're gonna make billions!" One of the Nazi Ginger Kids exclaimed from on top of one of the cages. "Huzzah!"

"That'll never happen!" Super Craig declared, pointing at the masked boy.

 _"I don't think you have a choice,"_ The masked boy sneered. He turned to the Ginger at the level and nodded, and he began to pull the lever, lowering the cage Tweek was trapped inside down towards the pit.

"Wait, stop!" Super Craig shouted in a panic.

 _"That's what I thought,"_ The masked boy said. Pointing towards the empty cages at the side, he snarled, _"Now get in. We got some bidding to do."_

Watching on, Toolshed whispered, "Dude, this is really fucked up right now."

At that point, the rest of the team barged into the room, the Coon at the front. "Aha!" He shouted, pointing at the masked boy on the other side of the room. "I knew this is where you'd be keeping Tweek! Alright, surrender ya fiend, we got you surrounded!"

At that point, half of the Nazi Ginger Kids turned and aimed their machine guns at the rest of the team. "Ah, shit," The Coon said, realizing they were at a disadvantage.

The masked boy cackled evilly. _"You super-losers just don't understand!"_ He taunted. _"You never stood a chance. We're gonna make a billion dollars, and nothing can stop us no-"_

 _THWACK!_

Coon and Friends jumped in surprise as, without warning, the skull-masked boy cracked the clown-masked boy upside the head with a crowbar. The clown-masked boy soundlessly dropped onto the ground, unconscious.

For a few moments, everyone was silent. Even the Ginger Nazi Zombies stared at their fallen leader, a stunned look on their faces.

"Dude," The Human Kite said, at a loss for words. "What the fuck?"

The skull-masked boy turned to the rest of the team, but his gaze was on Super Craig. The two locked eyes with each other, a confused look on Super Craig's face.

Then, the masked boy tore his mask off, eliciting an audible gasp from everyone in the room.

It was Tweek.

For a moment, Super Craig stared at his boyfriend, a stunned look on his face. Eventually, Tweek broke the silence and shouted, "What are you guys waiting for?! Kick these guys asses!"

Quickly, Mysterion sprung into action, unveiling a strand of firecrackers and hurling them at the distracted Gingers standing on top of the cage. The firecrackers exploded, causing the gunmen to spring backwards. The resulting string of crackles blinded the Gingers, who stumbled off of the cage and plummeted onto the ground.

"Get 'em!" Toolshed shouted. The team rushed forward, falling upon the wounded Gingers and quickly began pummeling them into the ground. Some of the Gingers attempted to fight back, but they were quickly overpowered.

On top of the other cage, the Nazi Zombie Gingers snapped out of their distraction and began firing wildly. However, they, too, appeared to have no training with guns, as the bullets all missed their targets by a long shot, bouncing off the walls and ceiling.

"Mosquito, air support!" Mysterion commanded. The bug-themed superhero complied, taking to the air and soaring towards the Gingers on top of the cage, knocking them off. The kids screamed as they plummeted onto the ground, their guns clattering out of reach.

Quickly, Coon and Friends were on them. The Coon body-slammed one of them, crushing him under his girth; Toolshed hurled screwdrivers at several approaching Gingers, knocking them backwards; Mysterion went to work on three Gingers at once, putting them down with his karate skills; the Human Kite fired several lasers at even more oncoming Gingers, sending them flying into the walls.

Several more Nazi Zombie Gingers appeared at the door and began firing at the team. However, Tupperware was on it in seconds, racing forward and summoning his Tupper Turret.

"You want to see real firepower!" He shouted. "Then take this!" He fired his gun turret at the Gingers at the door, blasting them away.

Standing at the lever, the Ginger watched the chaos in horror, seeing his comrades get beaten down ruthlessly. It was then that he noticed a shadow over him. Gulping, he slowly turned around and found himself face-to-face with Super Craig.

"Hey," He said, cracking his knuckles menacingly. The Ginger gulped.

Jumping backwards, Super Craig shouted, "Mega Fist Punch!" Then, he sprang forward, his fist connecting with the Gingers face. The blow could be hard for miles, the force of the punch so powerful that even the rest of the team could feel the whiplash effect.

The Ginger was sent soaring backwards, smacking into the wall so hard that he left a large dent in it. He slid down onto the ground, blood dripping from his mouth and nose, and went limp.

For a few moments, everything was still. Coon and Friends stood over their fallen enemies, who all lay on the ground, bleeding and unconscious.

They had won.

Slowly, Super Craig turned to face Tweek, who stared at him. "Craig," He whispered, tears beginning to spring from his eyes.

"Tweek," Super Craig said in response, his lower lip quivering and tears of joy bursting from his eyes. With a speed that rivaled Fastpass, he surged forward, practically enveloping Tweek in an embrace.

"Tweek!" He shouted, lifting his boyfriend off the ground and spinning him around in the air. "Oh, Tweek! I thought I'd never. . ." He stopped, however, choking back his tears.

"It's okay, Craig," Tweek said, holding him close to comfort him. "I'm here."

"B-But how?" Craig asked, looking up to gaze into Tweek's eyes.

"When that boy in the skull mask came to get me, I knocked him out," Tweek explained. "I knew you were here, but I also knew I needed to be rational. So I swapped clothes with him and borrowed a pillowcase from one of the guest rooms to cover his head so that guy in the clown mask would think he was me. Luckily, he was none the wiser."

Super Craig looked up at the boy in the cage, who was wearing Tweek's clothes and had the pillowcase covering his head. "So that's. . ." He said, trailing off.

"Yes," Tweek revealed. "He's one of the guys who kidnapped me. I pretended to be him until you and the rest of the team got here, then I waited for that masked boy to let his guard down so I could take him out."

"Huh," The Human Kite said, a distance away. "Didn't see that coming."

Super Craig stared at Tweek in shock. "Wow, Tweek," He said. "I didn't think you had it in you to pull that off."

"Neither did I," Tweek admitted. "But I knew you were in danger, so I felt I had to rescue you."

Super Craig stared at Tweek silently for a few moments. After a few moments, he said, "Tweek? You're _my_ hero." Then he hugged him close.

Meanwhile, Toolshed walked up to the boy in the clown mask. "Who is this guy, anyways?" He said curiously. Reaching down, he grabbed the mask and ripped it off. Then, his jaw dropped, along with the rest of the team.

"Gary Nelson?!" He exclaimed in shock, dropping the clown mask.

"That creepy ginger hall monitor?" The Coon said. "What about that other guy in the cage?"

Propping up a ladder, Mysterion climbed up towards the cage, pulled it open, and released the caged boy, bringing him down. Gripping the pillowcase, he pulled it off, revealing none other than Davin Miller.

"Holy shit," Toolshed said. "What's going on here?"

Super Craig walked up to him. "Davin Miller, what the Hell?" He exclaimed. "It was you guys this whole time?"

"Yeah," Davin replied, grumbling. "And we would've gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling super-kids."

Super Craig was about to reply, but the Human Kite cut him off. "Well too bad for you, you didn't," He said. "And I'm sure your parents will be all-too-happy to know what you and your friends have been up to these past few days."

* * *

The police were there in no time, having been alerted by the hotel staff in the midst of all the chaos. Soon enough, police cars had the Airport Hilton surrounded, and Tweek's kidnappers, who had turned out to be Davin Miller and the South Park Elementary hallway monitors, were led outside into police custody.

"So Gary Nelson and the other hallway monitors were behind Tweek Tweak's abduction?" Sergeant Yates asked the Human Kite for clarification. "And they purposely infected some of their own members with the goo to turn into Nazi Zombies to make for a more powerful battalion?"

"Yes, officer," The Human Kite said. "Luckily, it's not permanent. It should wear off after a while."

"Well, it's a good thing you superheroes were able to put an end to this crime racket," Yates replied. "Good on you."

"Thanks officer," The Human Kite said.

As the Sergeant walked off, Super Craig walked up to the Human Kite, his hands intertwined with Tweek's. "Hey, Kyle, aren't you surprised?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" The Human Kite asked.

"I mean, I got a good look at those guys, and they were all signed actors for your movie," Super Craig said. "Aren't you shocked that they would try to ruin everything?"

"Well yeah," The Human Kite replied. "But I'm just glad your boyfriend is safe. At the very least, it's all over and we can just go home now."

"But what about those other criminals?" Super Craig asked. "The ones who hired Bill and Fosse, and the Batman guy who took Tweek out the window?"

Toolshed and Mysterion walked up to them. "Something tells me the first guy won't be an issue," Toolshed said.

"Ditto," Mysterion added.

"But, guys. . ." Super Craig said.

"Hey, look!" Toolshed exclaimed, pointing to the crowd that had arrived at the hotel after news had spread that Tweek had been found. "It's our fans! Let's go discuss our victory with them!" With that, the team, except Super Craig, rushed forward to greet the crowd.

Tweek placed a hand on Super Craig's shoulder. "Hey, Craig," He said. "I know these past few days have been stressful for all of us, but at least we're back together now. Aren't you happy?"

"Of course, Tweek, but. . ." Super Craig trailed off, continuing to stare at the team as they conferred with the crowd.

"Everybody, calm down!" The Coon was saying to the crowd, who were all chattering at the same time. "One at a time, people, please!"

"Is it true you guys saved the Tweak's son?" Gerald Broflovski asked from within the crowd once they'd calmed down

"Yes, he's right over there," The Human Kite said, pointing to Tweek, who was still at Super Craig's side.

Quickly, Tweek's parents burst out from the crowd. "Tweek!" They shouted, rushing over and embracing him, nearly shoving Super Craig to the ground in the process.

"We were so worried!" His mother said, hugging him tight.

"Yes, very worried!" His father added.

"It's okay, mom and dad," Tweek said, hugging them back. "I'm here. Super Craig saved me."

"You mean Coon and Friends saved you!" The Human Kite corrected. Turning to Super Craig, he said, "You know, if you're back in, that is. Are you?"

"Um. . . yeah," Super Craig said, shrugging his shoulders.

Immediately, the crowd cheered. "Coon and Friends have saved the day!" They shouted.

"You're our heroes!" Lola exclaimed from within the crowd, blowing kisses towards the group along with the other girls.

"Okay, okay folks!" Toolshed said. "No need to praise us too much. It's all in a days work with Coon and Friends!"

"We've faced some challenges, but it was nothing we couldn't handle!" The Human Kite added. "I'm happy to report that our Franchise Plan is back on track!"

At that, the crowd cheered even louder. "That means we can sign up for _The Human Kite Movie_!" Annie said to her girlfriends. "Thanks for rejoining the team, Super Craig!"

"No problem," Super Craig grumbled under his breath, his eyes dark.

Noticing his boyfriend's cold expression, Tweek turned to him. "Super Craig, aren't you happy?" He asked.

"Couldn't be happier," Super Craig replied through gritted teeth, though he wasn't facing his boyfriend.

Nearby, Toolshed walked up to the Human Kite. "Man, these past few days were stressful," He admitted. "I was so sure it was going to be over after we busted Bill and Fosse, but then that other stuff happened and really caught me off-guard."

"Yeah, me too," Mysterion replied.

"Well, all that matters is it's over," The Human Kite reassured them. "The bad guys have been brought to justice, Tweek is safe, and we can all relax-"

Just then, the three heard the crowd's cheering abruptly shift to horrified gasps of shock. The rest of the team whirled around, and their eyes fell upon Super Craig, who was holding a pistol.

"What the-" Sergeant Yates shouted, grabbing onto his empty gun holster from which Super Craig had covertly swiped his weapon from.

"Craig!" The Coon shouted out in shock as Super Craig held the gun in his hands. "What the fuck?!"

"It was you!" Super Craig roared out, a fury in his voice nobody thought was possible as he took aim with the gun.

"Craig!" Tupperware shouted.

"Huh?!" Mosquito exclaimed.

"Holy shit, dude!" Toolshed blurted out.

Super Craig didn't respond. He only aimed the gun at the guilty, hot tears streaming from his eyes. Tweek watched on in shock, his face blank as he saw his boyfriend lose himself in anger and grief.

"It was you!" He exclaimed, his voice hoarse with anger and betrayal. "It was _all_ you!"

* * *

 _Read and review._


	21. The Truth Revealed

_LivingOnLaughs: You'll see._

 _South Down: You'll see._

 _Nicole980: Or is he..._

 _Guest1: It's not the ending._

* * *

 _"I thought you were mad at me," Craig said when Stan, Kyle and Kenny appeared at his door. "I quit Coon and Friends, remember?"_

 _"So what?" Kyle asked, shrugging. "Part of being a superhero means helping those in need, even if you're upset at them."_

―

 _"Are you sure it's them?" The Human Kite asked Toolshed as the group advanced towards Fosse's house._

 _"I'm dead sure, man," Toolshed replied._

―

 _"I can't believe it," Toolshed said once the group was outside. "They don't have him. I was so sure it was them!"_

―

 _"Who knows if it's just two?" Mysterion pointed out. "For all we know, there could be more criminals trying to accomplish the same thing."_

―

 _"If everything goes well, we could also discuss restarting production on The Human Kite Movie," Kyle said to the Netflix executive._

―

 _"How did they know?" Mysterion asked quickly when Super Craig conferred with him that whoever kidnapped Tweek had been wearing a Batman costume._

 _"I dunno," Super Craig said. "They just found some cloth and managed to connect it to some cheap Batman costume. At the very least, though, whoever it is can't have Tweek, so they're not a priority at the moment."_

 _"That's a relief," Mysterion said._

―

 _"Come on guys!" Toolshed shouted. "We have to do this quickly! After that whole setback with Bill and Fosse complicated things, I just want to get this over with."_

―

 _"These past few days, you've been more than actors. You've actually been. . . heroes," Super Craig said, only to see the Human Kite struggling to choke back sobs, his back turned to him. "Kyle? Are you okay?"_

 _"It was nothing," The Human Kite denied, even as his eyes were stuffy from crying. "Let's. . . let's get your boyfriend back."_

* * *

"You pieces of shit!" Super Craig shouted, his voice hoarse with anger and betrayal. "It was you! It was _all_ you!" His arms shaking, he raised the gun and took aim.

Took aim at Toolshed, the Human Kite and Mysterion.

Nearby, the crowd let out horrified gasps of shock as they saw one of the town's superheroes threaten the lives of his teammates. Super Craig could vaguely hear his own parents, calling to him from within the crowd, but he tuned them out. He tuned it all out. All he could hear was his own voice, screaming within his mind.

Toolshed, the Human Kite and Mysterion all had their hands raised, clearly stunned by this turn of events. "Craig," The Human Kite said, trying to calm his friend even as his voice cracked. "Put down the gun."

"You were behind it all this whole time!" Super Craig shouted, tears streaming from his eyes. "All three of you!"

"W-What?" Toolshed said, laughing nervously as he heard the crowd gasp in shock. "Craig, are you even hearing yourself?"

"Craig?" Tweek said, still being held by his parents. "What are you talking about?"

"When we went to confront Bill and Fosse," Super Craig recalled, his voice wobbly. "You were so sure that they were the culprits more than anyone, even though they've never caused trouble like that in the past and haven't been trouble for a while."

"Well, they did fit the description. . ." Toolshed pointed out.

"And when we caught them, they said someone had bribed them by offering them a lot of money," Super Craig continued, ignoring Toolshed's defense. "Toolshed, your movie had just come out and had grossed up to $200 million, the biggest gross in the franchise so far. If anyone could make good on that bribe, it would be you."

Toolshed gulped, and noticed the rest of the team staring at him suspiciously, including Mysterion and the Human Kite.

"Of course, you didn't get to take Tweek," Super Craig reminded. "Because someone else beat you to the punch! That someone being _you_!" He turned the gun on Mysterion, who immediately snapped up to attention.

"W-What?" Mysterion said as all eyes fell upon him. "How could you think-"

"You own a Batman suit, Kenny!" Super Craig shouted. "Remember, when you were diagnosed as a sex addict and attempted autoerotic asphyxiation while wearing it? And it was a cheap suit, one of the few that someone of your standing would be able to just barely afford."

"Oh, dammit," Mysterion muttered under his breath, before saying, "Come on, Super Craig, that doesn't prove anything. Anyone can own a Batman suit."

"But not anyone has the skills to effortlessly scale a rooftop and attack someone through their windows!" Super Craig said. "Like you did when you ambushed Tweek! Nobody's better at infiltrating windows than you!"

Mysterion shrunk down as the crowd stared at both him and Toolshed, their jaws hanging open in utter disbelief.

"But you didn't make off with Tweek, either," Super Craig said. "The one who had him in their grasp this whole time. . . was _you_." As he spoke, he aimed the gun at the Human Kite.

"Kyle?!" The Coon exclaimed.

"Me?" The Human Kite said.

"Oh come on, Human Kite!" Super Craig said, rolling his eyes. "All those ginger kids that just got arrested now were signed up for your movie! Why would they sign up as actors for your movie if they were actively trying to sabotage our Franchise Plan at the same time?! And moreover, why would you be opening up a hiring bid for a movie that, as far as anyone knew, was cancelled? A movie that also happened to feature Nazi Zombie Gingers as the antagonists, uncannily like the miscreants we were facing just now?"

"Uh. . ." The Human Kite said, shifting his eyes.

"And why is it that you conveniently needed to give someone a text message _right before_ we got ambushed by those Gingers outside the studio?" Super Craig pressed on. "And how come you were able to take down all of them by yourself when the rest of us got beaten in seconds?"

"Well. . ."

"Then it hit me!" Super Craig continued. "Each member is in charge of hiring actors for their own movie, which means you would have to personally seek out and verify who would be acting in your movie! Which would be the perfect opportunity for you to seek out those Gingers at your school and offer them a role in your movie if they did the deed and kidnapped Tweek. And as a bonus, have some of them play Ginger Nazi Zombies to show off their acting skills. Am I right?"

"Well, uh," The Human Kite stuttered, sweat dripping down his forehead. "You see, uh. . ."

"Come on," Super Craig said. "Selling Coon and Friends on Amazon? What the Hell kind of plan is that? Unless it was something Gary Nelson made up on the spot and had no intention of going through with, just needing to be convincing enough before he was taken down, Tweek was rescued, and I'd be oh so grateful enough as to rejoin Coon and Friends and restart production on _The Super Craig Movie_ , and by extension saving your own movie!"

By this point, Super Craig's face was flustered and his breathing was ragged, his voice nearly thrown out after screaming so much. His brief silence allowed the others to recollect themselves.

"Wait a minute," Toolshed said, furrowing his eyebrows before turning towards Mysterion. "Kenny, you were the one who interfered with Bill and Fosse's operation?"

"Interfered?" Mysterion said, stunned. "How was I supposed to know you were going to kidnap Tweek at the exact same time I was? At least I had the balls to do it myself instead of bribing someone else to do it for me!"

"That's because you're too poor to bribe someone!" Toolshed retorted. "I mean, your movie made a lot of money, but considering how your family spends your money. . ."

"Stan?!" Call Girl blurted out, flabbergasted. Toolshed immediately whipped around to face his girlfriend and quickly shut up, realizing what he'd just admitted to in front of everybody. He then turned to Super Craig, who was staring at the trio with a look of absolute disbelief on his face.

"Craig, dude," Toolshed said, daring to take a step forward. "I swear, it wasn't supposed to end up as serious as it did. I only intended for Bill and Fosse to hold onto him for a couple hours or so until you, well. . ." Abruptly, he shifted gears, pointing at the Human Kite and saying, "Hey, he was the who was really holding Tweek, not me!"

The Human Kite turned to stare at Toolshed, a shocked and betrayed expression on his face, before turning to Super Craig. "Craig, you know how much _The Human Kite Movie_ meant to me," He said, trying to be as reasonable as possible. "When you quit, and you dropping out meant my movie would have to be altered, or even cancelled, I just got desperate, you know?"

Super Craig muttered something under his breath, staring at the ground. "What?" The Human Kite asked, squinting his eyes.

"I said this is exactly why I quit in the first place!" Super Craig repeated, only much louder in tone. He looked up to stare at his three 'friends', his eyes burning with rage.

"You're not heroes!" He shouted at them, throwing the gun onto the ground as he did. "You're all just a bunch of money-grubbing whores!"

Seeing his boyfriend in such distress, Tweek broke free from his parents grip and rushed over to Craig, throwing his arms around him. The chullo-hat wearing boy fought back tears as Tweek held him tightly. Nearby, the crowd stared at the two, looks of pity etched on their faces.

Eventually, Super Craig gently released himself from Tweek's grasp. "Screw you guys," He said to Coon and Friends. "I. . . I'm going home." Without speaking another word, he wandered off, his head lowered.

"Craig?" The Coon said as he watched his teammate leave. "Craig! Come on, dude, don't leave! It's not our fault Kyle was being a Greedy Jew! Craig, dude!"

But Craig didn't respond. The only indication he heard anything was when he raised his arm to flip the team off, not even bothering to turn around as he did so.

Toolshed, Mysterion and the Human Kite watched as Super Craig left. But as he vanished, they felt eyes on them, and slowly turned around to see the crowd shooting glares at them. The police, their parents, their schoolmates, even the other members of Coon and Friends only stared silently in their direction, anger and disappointment clear in their expressions.

After a few moments, they, too, left, heading away from the hotel and back towards the town, leaving the three disgraced superheroes alone in the darkness.

* * *

Craig didn't say a word as he wandered in an almost zombie-like state back towards his neighborhood. Halfway there, his family stopped by in their car and picked him up, driving him back to their house. Even then, he didn't say a word.

Once they arrived at home, Craig was the first to get out of the car. As they stepped inside, only then did his family try to talk to him.

"Honey," His mother said, as tender as she could be. "I know this is a lot to take in. Believe me, I'm just as appalled as you are that this happened. But the best we can do is try and get through this as a family."

"Well if you ask me, the best thing we can do is go over to that Broflovski house and kick the shit out of his parents for raising such a bad influence!" Thomas snapped, his voice steely. "Then the Marshes and McCormicks!"

"Thomas, violence isn't the best option right now," Laura replied. "We have to think of our son here."

"What do you think I'm doing?" Thomas barked. "We can't just let this go unabated!"

"Well I know that!" Laura snapped, raising her voice. "I'm just saying that shouldn't be the first course of action!"

"Well it'll help Craig get some closure!" Thomas retorted sharply.

Craig once again tuned his parents out as they quickly began to bicker with one another. Silently, he walked up the stairs, his legs feeling heavier than normal. Trudging over to his room, he opened the door, stepped inside, and pressed it shut.

Once he was inside, Craig turned to look at himself in the mirror. Slowly, his glazed eyes wandered down to the piece of paper with the big red 'S' taped onto the front of his jacket.

His eye twitched staring at it. Slowly, he raised a trembling hand and tore the piece of paper off his chest. Then, he slowly ripped the paper up, letting the pieces float onto the floor. As he did, he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes.

It was only once the paper had been shredded to pieces that he finally broke. Crumbling onto the side of his bed, Craig let the tears spring from his eyes as he wept softly, his fingers curling into the bed sheet covers.

His sobs carried out into the empty night sky, silent to everyone but himself.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	22. Things Get Worse

_Nicole980: You and me both._

 _South Down: That has nothing to do with anything._

 _LivingOnLaughs: The poor kid._

* * *

The following morning, Craig was awoken from his slumber by the familiar feeling of his boyfriend's soft hands, nudging him from his tearful sleep.

It was a feeling he hadn't experienced for days ever since Tweek was abducted. To have that feeling brought back, to remind him that his Tweek was truly back and out of harm's grasp, was the only bright spot in the entire miserable mess.

"Craig," He heard Tweek whisper to him as he slowly sat up from his bed. His eyes were fuzzy, and it took a few moments to adjust. When he did, his eyes immediately fell upon his spiky-haired boyfriend. For a few moments, he briefly wondered if it was merely an illusion, but soon enough, he knew that his boyfriend was really there.

"Tweek!" He exclaimed, and almost immediately threw his arms around him, holding him tightly, as if fearing that even now, someone could swoop in and take him away again.

"I'm so sorry, Tweek!" He said as he pressed his face against Tweek's shoulder. "I shouldn't have just up and left you last night! I was just so lost and I-"

"It's okay, Craig," Tweek reassured, hugging him back. "I'm here."

Once the two had released each other, Tweek said, "Craig, your dad wants to know if you're up for returning to school. If you feel you need to take a day off or two to recoup at home, I'm happy to keep you company."

Craig was silent for a few moments. After some thinking, he said, "No, I'm good to go back to school. As long as I can keep my distance from a few select people." His eyes darkened ever so briefly.

The two were silent for a while, and Craig eventually said, "So, uh, how are you feeling? Now that you're free and all."

"I don't know," Tweek said, rubbing the back of his head. "Normally, this would be the best day of my life, now that all the pressure of being kidnapped is off my shoulders. But to know who did it. . . I actually considered quitting, like you."

"Wait, you're still gonna be Wonder Tweek?" Craig asked, his eyes widening. "After all that?"

"Hey, you know what you said," Tweek said, placing his hand on Craig's shoulder. "Super Craig or no Super Craig, Wonder Tweek is still Wonder Tweek. And nothing will change that, even our friends turning out to be a bunch of money-grubbing whores."

"Huh," Craig said, his shoulders slumping.

Another awkward silence passed.

"Tweek?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you still keep me company at school?"

"Of course, Craig."

* * *

By the time Tweek and Craig arrived at school, the ground was covered in newspaper articles. News of Coon and Friends' recent escapades, not least of which being the surprising culprits behind Wonder Tweek's disappearance, were plastered all over pages. Which wasn't particularly good news for said culprits.

While Token was generous enough to convince his parents to bail the trio out of juvenile detention, given the alternative, the three culprits probably would've preferred being locked away from civilization. As Stan, Kyle and Kenny headed over to school, even with their heads lowered, they could still feel the way everyone's heads instantly turned in their direction, followed by the glaring and murmuring.

For the first time since they'd started their franchise plan, Stan, Kyle and Kenny didn't appreciate the newfound attention they were receiving.

However, while it was hard enough to stomach all the death glares and gossip, by far the worst was when they ran into the two people they'd wronged the most.

Tweek and Craig could feel their hands tighten in each others grips as they locked eyes with Stan, Kyle and Kenny. Their 'friends', or at least, they used to be. Craig himself almost immediately felt sick to his stomach just looking at them.

The trio didn't look much better. Sweat was dripping down their foreheads, and Stan took a huge gulp. All five of them looked like they had something important to say to the other, but none of them could muster the courage to do so.

Eventually, Tweek took the initiative and pulled Craig away from the three, dragging the taller boy in the opposite direction. As they did, Kyle briefly opened his mouth to speak, but shut it as soon as he did.

As soon as Tweek and Craig had left, the three noticed a large shadow behind them. Turning around, they were met with the rest of Coon and Friends, none of them looking particularly happy.

"Oh. . . hey, guys," Stan said awkwardly. The rest of the group just continued to stare at them angrily.

"Okay, I think we have some explaining to do," Kenny said through his parka. "Kyle, explain."

Kyle shot a glare at his friend, but as he turned to the group and opened his mouth, Cartman cut him off, saying, "Well, you guys fucked up royally."

"Yeah, we know," Stan muttered. "We're never gonna get Craig back, now. And probably Tweek, too."

"Oh, not just that!" Clyde shouted. "Didn't you hear?"

"Hear what?" Kyle asked.

"The studio's backing out," Token revealed, causing the trio to gasp. "After Netflix found out what you did, they didn't want to be involved in such negative press. Our franchise plan is over!"

"Goodbye, billion dollars!" Cartman shouted.

"T-That's horrible!" Stan exclaimed.

"You think?!" Clyde retorted. "Thanks a lot! And I was just about to start production on _The Mosquito Movie_!"

"Look, we're sorry," Stan apologized.

"E-Easy for you to say!" Jimmy replied. "At least your movie already came out and made m-m-millions! What about us?"

"Look, we'll make it, we promise!" Kyle reassured the group.

"How?" Cartman asked. "Is there someone else you plan to kidnap?"

Kyle opened his mouth to reply, then cast his eyes to the ground before biting his tongue.

Stan groaned and pinched his nose. "Could this day get any worse?" He muttered to himself.

* * *

Coon and Friends spent the rest of the school day attempting to lay low, those involved in Tweek's kidnapping or those who weren't. Even if most of them had had nothing to do with Tweek's imprisonment, they were still connected to the ones who did, which wasn't good for their image.

Of course, a couple glares and gossips were too much for them to hope for. As lunch break was starting, the group noticed the other kids gathering around what appeared to be a brewing fight in the hallway and arrived to see what was up.

"Admit it, Coon and Friends sucks!" Douglas was yelling at Kevin in the center of the crowd, giving the half-Asian boy a hard shove.

"It's not like Craig gave them much of a choice!" Kevin retorted, shoving Douglas back. "Their franchise plan was gonna be ruined!"

"Their movies sucked ass, anyways!" Douglas shouted back.

"You wanna fight me on that, pal?!" Kevin growled.

". . . Yes, yes I do!" Douglas said, and delivered a right hook to Kevin's face. The two boys collided with each other and landed on the floor, exchanging punches and kicks as the crowd roared in excitement, cheering for either Douglas or Kevin.

"Oh, shit," Stan whispered, pulling his hat over his head as he watched the two duke it out over his and his group's credibility. Slowly, he and the rest of the group tried to slink away and take an alternative route to the cafeteria, only to be stopped by Heidi.

"Mysterion, tell me you weren't involved in Tweek's kidnapping!" She demanded to the parka-wearing boy.

"Uh, well, I. . ." Kenny stuttered, at a loss for words.

"I can't believe you!" Heidi exclaimed. "I just signed up for the next season to your Netflix series!"

Suddenly, Heidi was slammed over the back of the head with a chair by Esther. "Hey, don't take that tone of voice with him!" She shouted to the downed girl. "We all know Craig made them do it!"

"Guys, it isn't Craig's fault," Kyle said, a little disturbed that some of the kids were actually taking their side.

"Of course it is," Esther replied. "If he quit, I wouldn't be able to sign up for his movie!" Suddenly, she was tackled by Jason and slammed into the wall.

"Holy shit!" Stan shouted as chaos erupted in the hallways, their schoolmates beating each other to a pulp. He was pulled to the ground by Kyle as Lola was hurled in his direction and slammed into one of the lockers. The two flattened themselves against the floor, covering their heads as all around them, their friends went insane.

Suddenly, a voice shouted out over all the fighting, _"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"_

Immediately, all heads whipped over to the source of the shout, including Stan, Kyle and Kenny. Their eyes landed on none other than Craig, his face red and his chest heaving in and out violently. Tweek was standing next to him, a shocked look on his face.

Rushing over to the nearest locker, Craig pounded his fist against it so hard he left a dent. He kicked the locker before rushing over and grabbing Bebe's dropped schoolbag, hurling it against the wall, causing all its contents to spill out. Then, he let out an enraged growl and stormed down the hallway towards the school exit.

"Craig!" Tweek exclaimed, rushing after his boyfriend out the school.

For a few moments, the rest of the school stared at where Tweek and Craig had disappeared to. Their faces, seconds ago filled with rage, were instead replaced with confusion, as well as shimmers of guilt.

Eventually, Stan, Kyle and Kenny rushed down the hallway after the two. They didn't care that school hadn't ended; the only things on their minds were their former friends.

"Tweek?!" Stan called out once the three had exited the school and rushed out onto the fields.

"Craig?!" Kyle shouted out as well. However, the two boys had vanished.

"Ah shit," Stan whispered, stomping his foot on the ground. "Shit, shit, shit!"

After a few moments, the rest of Coon and Friends joined them outside, along with Wendy. "Where are they?" Cartman asked.

"We don't know," Stan replied. "They just disappeared."

"Why did you do it, Stan?" Wendy asked harshly.

It took Stan a few moments to realize what she was talking about. "I. . . I don't know," He said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Ever since we started our franchise plan, everyone's been giving us so much special treatment. Everyone wanted to be our friends. When Craig quit, it felt like everything was gonna go downhill. I thought everyone was just gonna leave us if they thought our franchise plan wouldn't work."

"So you decided to betray your friends' trust?" Wendy asked the three of them.

"No!" Kyle denied. "We're still their friends! They were never supposed to find out it was us! I just wanted Craig to be back on the team, and we could act like him quitting never happened."

"Dude, do you have any idea the sort of trauma you caused them?" Token asked. "You know how bad Tweek's anxiety is!"

"I know, I know!" Kyle shouted. "Ugh. . . how the hell are we gonna fix this?" He buried his face in his hands as he spoke.

At that, the rest of the group went silent. They tried to think of an answer, but none came up.

Unexpectedly, Clyde started bawling. "Oh what's the matter with you?" Cartman asked, annoyed.

"Nothing," Clyde said, sniffing. "It's just, I think we're in trouble."

"Oh really?" Cartman asked sarcastically. "And what makes you say that?"

Still weeping away his tears, Clyde pointed out towards the distance and whispered meekly, "That."

It was then that the group noticed a pale-skinned, red-haired, freckly-faced boy staring at the group a distance away, a creepy grin on his face. The group let out a surprised gulp.

"And that," Clyde gulped, pointing at another ginger boy who peaked out from behind the bushes.

Slowly, several Ginger Kids made their presence known, peering out from the trees, garbage cans and other hiding places. They surrounded the group from all sides, wearing identical grins on their faces.

Cartman narrowed his eyes. "Get out of here, ya stupid hallway monitors!" He called out to them, waving them off. Turning to Kyle, he demanded, "Kyle, tell your stupid friends to get lost!"

Shaking, Kyle whispered, "T-T-Those aren't the hallway monitors."

Cartman's face paled as he realized, to his horror, that the Gingers surrounding them weren't the same ones they'd fought last night. They weren't actors. They were the real deal.

"You're coming with us," One Ginger boy hissed as he approached the group.

"Oh, I don't think so!" Stan retorted. "Coon and Friends, assemble!"

Quickly, the group opened up their backpacks, unveiling their costumes within it. Without wasting a second, they pulled their costumes on and donned their superhero personas.

"Let's fix these idiots!" Toolshed shouted, striking a battle pose. "Mosquito, air support!"

"On it!" Mosquito replied. Taking to the air, he zoomed towards the Head Ginger, shouting, "Zika Rush!"

The Head Ginger stared on as Mosquito soared towards him, an unimpressed look on his face. As Mosquito was seconds away, he casually stepped to the side, revealing another ginger behind him, a can of bug spray in his hands.

Before Mosquito could react, the ginger sprayed the can right into his face. "Ah! My eyes!" He shouted in agony, covering his face. Flying out of control, he flew backwards and splatted against the school wall, landing in a heap on the ground.

Coon and Friends let out a terrified yelp. Surrounding them, the gingers giggled menacingly.

Then, they closed in.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	23. Coon-napped

_South Down: I think that's the least of their worries now._

 _LivingOnLaughs: You'll see._

 _Nicole980: Wait and see._

* * *

"Okay, I know it was rude barging in here uninvited," Craig said after he and Tweek had left school prematurely. "But I'm just desperate, okay. Everyone wants me to be something different, and I don't know how I can manage them all. Some people want me to be a superhero, other people want me to be a celebrity, others want me to be a good boyfriend, and I just can't do them all and please everyone. You're the best person I can think of who understands. Can you please help me?"

"Of course, sweetie," Mr. Slave replied generously. "You just have a seat right there. Al will bake some cookies. Is that alright, hon?"

"No problem, Slave," Big Gay Al replied and headed off to the kitchen to do just that.

"I'll leave you two alone," Tweek added before following Al inside.

Once they were gone, Craig took a seat on the couch next to Mr. Slave. "You see Craig, people have different ideas of what's right," The older man explained. "Everyone leads different lives and have different experiences that affect what they value the most. Because of that, their priorities conflict. For example, some people disagree with my life choices because I enjoy BDSM and inserting small animals into my anus. But that's just who I am. I could never picture myself different."

"But what do I do?" Craig asked. "Do I go back to the life of a superhero celebrity and make tons of money off of superhero geeks and fangirls? Or do I devote myself to being a good boyfriend and role model to my family?"

"Craig, you can never be more than who you are," Mr. Slave replied. "If being a superhero isn't for you, then it's just not for you. Other people can tell you what you have to be, but what matters is the choice you make."

Craig went silent, resting his chin on his hands as he stared blankly at the television.

"While you're here, would you like if I turned on the TV?" Mr. Slave asked.

Craig sighed. "I got nothing better to do, so why not?" He replied.

Mr. Slave switched the television onto the news. Almost immediately, Craig's eyes went wide at what he saw on the screen.

 _ **Breaking News! Coon and Friends Coon-napped!**_

"What the hell?" Craig exclaimed in horror.

 _"Panic has gripped the hearts of South Park, Colorado as, a mere night after Coon and Friends member Wonder Tweek was rescued from his abduction, the entire team has found themselves under the mercy of evil!"_ Anchor Tom reported on the television. _"Their abductors are a terrorist organization known as the Ginger Separatist Movement, and they are currently being held at the Airport Hilton."_

As he spoke, the screen switched to show the Sunset Room where Coon and Friends had battled the Ginger Nazi Zombies last night, only this time, it wasn't Davin Miller being held in a cage above a pit of lava. Instead, it was none other than the entirety of Coon and Friends, save for himself and Tweek of course. Utter terror was stricken on their faces as they dangled precariously above certain death, an expression mirrored by Craig himself.

Surrounding the trapped team were dozens upon dozens of Gingers, only these weren't the ones who Super Craig had fought a short while ago. They weren't actors; they were the real deal, the same Gingers who had kidnapped him and the other non-Ginger kids and later threatened to destroy all of South Park during the Muhammad controversy.

 _"The spokesperson for the Ginger Separatist Movement says they won't release the superhero team unless their demands are met,"_ Anchor Tom said. _"He is with us now to deliver his ultimatum."_

The screen moved to show the Lead Ginger, the same spokesperson during the Muhammad controversy. "Thanks for having me, Tom," The Lead Ginger said. Gesturing to the caged Coon and Friends, he said, "As you can see, South Park, your greatest heroes have been defeated and lay at our mercy! We have cowed them as easily as any other fool who dares to oppose us! You have no choice but to surrender yourselves to our demands, lest we crush your precious heroes under our indomitable might! The choice is yours! Huzzah!"

"Oh, Jesus," Mr. Slave said, covering his mouth with his hand.

Craig simply stared at the screen, his eyes wide with horror.

"No. . ." He whispered.

* * *

"Help us!" Mosquito screamed at the top of his lungs as he and the rest of the team hung above the lava pit within the cage. "Somebody! Please help us!"

"You assholes get us down from here!" The Coon shouted down at the Gingers, rattling on the cage bars. "I demand you release us right now! You're ruining our image here!"

The Lead Ginger turned to stare up at the group. "Oh, I don't think so," He sneered up at them. "You'll be enjoying a nice, long stay in that cage until we get what we want. Besides, there's someone who's dying to speak with you." Snapping his fingers, he summoned a hotel bellboy who pushed in a cart carrying a tiny TV into the room. Once it was in position, he switched it on, revealing none other than Scott Tenorman's freckled face on the screen.

"Hello, _brother_ ," He said with a wicked grin as he stared at the caged Coon and the rest of the team.

"Ah dammit, I should've known you were behind this!" The Coon said, squeezing his fists around the cage bars. "Let us out, right now!"

"What's the rush?" Scott Tenorman asked from inside the screen. "It's not like you have a film shooting to go to. At least, not anymore." His grin grew at the way the Coon's eyes darkened with anger.

"How do you even have a TV inside your cell?" The Human Kite questioned.

"That's not important!" Scott Tenorman snapped. "All that matters is that you're under our control now! And now that we have subdued South Park's greatest heroes, this town's spirit will be crushed, and they will yield to our every command!"

Despite the dire circumstances, Toolshed found the courage to retort. "You haven't gotten all of us!" He said. "Super Craig and Wonder Tweek are still out there!"

Scott replied with a cackle. "You mean the spaz and the quitter?" He asked. "What makes you think they'll be able to do anything? Heck, what makes you think they'll _want_ to do anything? Especially Super Craig."

At that, Toolshed's face fell. He, the Human Kite and Mysterion stared at the ground in shame.

"Oh yeah, we heard about what went down the other night," Scott Tenorman sneered. "I haven't seen anything that coldblooded since Mr. & Mrs. Tenorman Chili. I'll bet your two friends are laughing their gay little asses off right now at the sweet irony."

The team said nothing in response. They simply stood in the cell, silent for the first time since their capture.

"Well then, I think it's about time we get on to business," Scott said. "Alright my loyal Ginger underlings, get on with the demands!"

"On it, boss!" The Gingers said with a salute. With that, they stood still, doing nothing.

Scott Tenorman furrowed his eyebrows. "Well, what are you waiting for?" He asked. "Give the demands."

The Gingers were silent for a few moments before the Lead Ginger spoke. "Um. . . what are our demands, again?" He asked, scratching his head.

"W-What do you mean?" Scott asked, confused.

"Well you told us to kidnap them to use them for ransom," The Lead Ginger said. "But you didn't exactly tell us what to ransom them for."

Scott Tenorman facepalmed. "Oh, you got to be shitting me here," He muttered to himself. Collecting himself, he said, "Alright, one of you get a paper and a pencil, and then the lot of you make some ransom ideas."

The Ginger Kids complied, one of them pulling out a paper and a pencil. "Any ideas?" He asked.

"We could demand a billion dollars," One of the Gingers suggested.

"Good idea, Paul," The Lead Ginger said as the other Ginger wrote it down on the paper. "Any others?"

"We could demand Christmas," One Ginger girl said.

"Nice idea, Annie. Any others?"

"Non-censored episodes?"

"Great!"

"No more non-Ginger-washing in Hollywood movies!"

"Now we're talking!"

Inside the cage, Toolshed pinched the bridge of his nose. "We are so fucking screwed," He muttered.

* * *

Craig rushed home as fast as he could, panic etched onto his face. Tweek followed him as he swung the doors open to his house and rushed inside.

"Craig, honey-" His mother started, but didn't get the chance to finish as Craig zoomed past her and the rest of his family. He rushed up the stairs and into his room, whereupon he fell onto his bed, throwing the bed sheet covers around him as a protective blanket.

Tweek followed him inside. "Craig?" He said, closing the door behind him as he saw his boyfriend cover himself.

"I don't know what to do," Craig said, tightening the covers around him. "Our friends. . . they're in trouble."

"Craig, you _know_ what we have to do," Tweek said, surprisingly calm.

"But I. . . I can't," Craig confessed, his voice cracking. "I can't go back to that. Not now."

"Craig, our friends are in danger," Tweek said, climbing onto the bed and gripping Craig by the shoulders. "If we don't do anything, they could die. You and me both know how dangerous those Ginger Kids are."

"But what can we do?" Craig asked. "We're just two kids, up against the entire Ginger Separatist Organization. We'll be crushed. You already saw that even the rest of the team couldn't stand against them."

"Well that's the price of being a superhero," Tweek said. "You have to go up against unfavorable odds sometimes."

"Why do you even care?" Craig asked, getting angry. "If you haven't forgotten, three of those guys kidnapped you!"

"Well those guys are our friends, and they've helped us more than they've hurt us," Tweek replied. "We can settle our issues with them after they're safe. After all, being a superhero means helping those in need, even if they've wronged you."

"Dammit Tweek, I'm not a superhero!" Craig shouted, throwing Tweek's arms off of him. "Super Craig is an illusion! A fake! I can't keep pretending to be something I'm not!" He climbed out of the bed and walked away, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

Tweek stared at him for a few moments before getting out of bed as well. "What was a fake?" He pressed as he approached his boyfriend. "Was it the boy who was willing to face off against giant guinea pigs in Peru? Or the boy who was willing to brave a creepy forest stalked by a deranged President to rescue his friend's little brother? Or the boy who would move heaven and earth to rescue his true love, and wouldn't rest until he was out of harm's way? Was that all fake?"

Craig's shoulders slumped and he hung his head. He felt Tweek rest his hands on his shoulders and softly turn him around so they were face-to-face.

"Craig, you helped show me that I was capable of more than I thought I was," He said, looking Craig in the eyes. "Not too long ago, I never dreamed I could turn the tables on my kidnappers. You made me realize that was possible. Now I'm telling you that _you_ are capable of more than you think. You have to believe in me."

Craig stared long and hard into Tweek's eyes. He could feel the tears glistening as he slowly choked out the words, "I'm sorry Tweek. I tore up my costume last night. Super Craig is gone." He gestured to the torn pieces of paper scattered across the floor.

Tweek closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. When he finally opened them, his eyes were filled with resolve.

"Well if Super Craig can't help, then I guess Wonder Tweek will have to do," He said in a determined tone. "Goodbye, Craig." With that, he turned and left the room. As he did, though, he knocked something off of Craig's counter at the dark-haired boy's feet.

Craig didn't move until he heard the sound of his door slamming shut. Finally, he glanced down at what Tweek had knocked over.

It was a DVD case of the complete season of _The Super Craig Show._

Intrigued, Craig reached down and picked up the case. As he turned it around to stare at the back cover, he was immediately struck with memories.

 ** _Super Craig vs the Super Adventure Club_**

 ** _Super Craig Battles the Catholic Church_**

 ** _Super Craig Tangles With NAMBLA_**

His eyes widened as he vividly recalled his experiences on the show. The heroics, the adventures. . .

They may not have been real, but there was something authentic about it nonetheless. He couldn't deny the feeling in his chest every time he faced off against the bad guys and brought them to justice.

More than merely playing the part, he felt like a hero. A genuine hero.

But as he stared at his tattered costume on the ground, he knew he couldn't be Super Craig.

But maybe he didn't need to be.

Maybe just Craig would suffice.

* * *

Tweek returned home just long enough to get his costume, kiss his parents goodbye, and then head off towards the Airport Hilton.

As he walked down the sidewalk, he couldn't help but get cold feet. He knew he stood practically no chance of winning. He was heavily outnumbered, outgunned, and he wasn't even the strongest member of Coon and Friends. Chances were, he would get captured just like the others.

Or worse.

But still, he willed himself to keep going. After all, if he didn't make the effort to save his friends, who would?

"Tweek!"

The blonde boy jumped and let out a startled shriek as he heard someone shout his name from behind him, accompanied by the sound of a car zooming up to him. Whirling around, he saw the Tucker's car skid to a stop next to him.

Quickly, the windows were rolled down, revealing Craig in the seat, along with his parents and sister. "Need a lift?" He said, smiling.

"Craig!" Tweek said, joyfully. "You came! I knew you'd come!"

Pushing the door open, Craig rushed out to greet him. "Well I couldn't let you go and face those gingers alone," He said, placing a hand on Tweek's shoulder. "If you die, I'll happily join you."

The two chuckled softly, only for Tweek to sigh and whisper, "We _are_ gonna die, aren't we?"

"Guess so," Craig muttered, shrugging his shoulders. "Well, wouldn't wanna keep the others waiting. Let's go."

The two were about to enter the car when a voice called out to them in the distance, "Tweek! Craig!"

The boys stopped and whirled around in the direction of the voice. In the distance, they saw all of their schoolmates, rushing down the field towards them. They came to a stop around the Tucker car, concerned looks on their faces.

"Uh. . . hey, everybody," Craig said awkwardly.

"We've been looking for you ever since you left," Nichole said in a worried tone. "What are you doing?"

"We. . . we're going to save our friends," Craig answered, trying to sound confident. "The Gingers have them trapped at the Airport Hilton. We have to go get them."

Their schoolmates exchanged glances. "But you'll die," Butters pointed out, finally out from the hospital.

Tweek let out a sigh. "We know, but we can't do nothing," He admitted. "Those guys are our friends, and they've always been there for us. All of us. We can't let them down."

"I know some of you have mixed feelings about them, and me," Craig added. "But it's not your choice. We're going to save them. Or at least, die trying." As the words left his mouth, he hung his head and stared at the ground, realizing which of the two outcomes was most likely. Around him, his schoolmates stared at him and Tweek, looks of guilt and concern etched across their faces.

"We'll help you."

Craig's head snapped up towards who had spoken, his eyes widened with shock. It was Nelly.

Slowly, the leader of the 6th Graders pushed through the crowd so he was standing in front of Craig. The dark-haired boy looked up at the bully, and saw an unfamiliar look in his eyes. A look of earnestness.

"We'll _all_ help you," He declared.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	24. A Preemptive Strike

_No replies this chapter as we get onto the climax. However, before we proceed, I would like to recommend Favoriz Animation's works, one of which, Toolshed Animation, actually served as inspiration for this story._

 _With that said, let's go._

* * *

"Hey Coon Friends, I got some news for you," The Lead Ginger called up to the trapped superheroes. "The boss has been successfully released from the Mental House as per our demands. He's on his way here right now to personally oversee our demands. How ya like that?"

"You won't get away with this, you assholes!" The Coon threatened, tugging on the cell bars. "When we get out of here, we're gonna kick your asses! You hear me?!"

The Lead Ginger grumbled and snapped his fingers. Immediately, one of the Gingers aimed a water gun up at the Coon and squirted a stream of chili sauce into his eyes. Screaming in pain, the Coon fell backwards, causing the whole cage to sway violently. The other kids let out panicked shouts.

"I'd be careful up there," The Lead Ginger taunted. "I'd hate for that rope to snap and send you plummeting into a hot death." His eyes trailed down to the lava pit below the cage.

The Coon covered his burning eyes as he slowly sat up. "Come on, you guys," He said to the others. "We're superheroes. It'll take more than a cage to lock us up. Come on, we got to think of something."

"What's the point?" Toolshed asked. He, the Human Kite and Mysterion sat on the edge of the cage, their backs turned to the rest of the group. They stared outwards, their eyes empty.

"What do you mean, 'what's the point'?" The Coon asked, narrowing his eyebrows. "We're Coon and Friends! We're supposed to persevere when things look tough!"

"It's not that," Toolshed replied, heaving. "Even if we get out of here, things won't change. Our franchise plan is over. Coon and Friends is over. And all because we were a bunch of money-grubbing whores."

"Scott's right," The Human Kite muttered. "We betrayed the trust of everyone and drove away two of our best friends. Tweek and Craig will never forgive us. I doubt they even care we've all been kidnapped."

"Hey, we didn't kidnap Tweek, you three did," Tupperware pointed out. "I mean, they at least have to care about us, right?"

Call Girl sighed. "Look, I may not be as close to Tweek and Craig as you guys, but if I know them at all, they won't stay mad at you," She said, taking a seat next to the three. "I mean, for crying out loud, you guys continue to hang around Cartman after all this time. If that doesn't prove how forgiving you all are, I don't know what will."

"The skank's right," The Coon agreed.

"Yeah, but we expect this behavior from Cartman," Toolshed said. "Us three, we're supposed to be the good ones. How could we let money cloud our morals like this? I mean, Kenny's poor, so I could maybe understanding him getting desperate. . ."

"You know, I've been meaning to ask," The Human Kite said. Turning to Mysterion, he said, "Kenny, how come you just dropped Tweek and ran when my gingers drove up? I mean, it doesn't seem like you to just bail like that."

Mysterion's eye twitched. "You really don't get it, do you?" He said through gritted teeth.

"Get what?" The Human Kite asked.

"I didn't run away," Mysterion growled, before standing up and turning to face him. "Your asshole gingers RAN ME OVER!"

"What?!" Coon and Friends exclaimed in unison.

"Gary Nelson and his friends couldn't drive, and they ran me over!" Mysterion shouted at them. "Then they took Tweek, and next morning forgot what they did and assumed I ran away, because OF COURSE THEY DID!"

"But that can't be possible," The Human Kite replied, confused. "You're still alive."

"This is exactly what I'm always talking about!" Mysterion shouted in frustration. "I die, all the fucking time, and no one ever fucking remembers! They just assumed I ran away, or took a nap, even when my blood is splattered all over the place!"

"Kenny, calm down," Toolshed said.

"No I won't calm down!" Mysterion raged. "Because we keep having to have this stupid conversation and I'm sick of it! I swear, this cage will fall right into that lava pit, and by tomorrow, all of you will be getting mourned except for ME!"

On the ground, the Ginger Separatist Organization watched the superhero team bicker with each other in mild amusement. "Excellent, we've broken both their spirit and their sanity," The Lead Ginger said, his hands clasped together. "With any luck, they'll kill each other before we do. Huzzah!"

"Huzzah!" The Gingers repeated.

"Nothing can stop us now!" The Lead Ginger declared.

* * *

Outside the Airport Hilton, a crowd of grownups stood at the entrance of the building. Standing before them was a legion of Ginger Kids, guarding all entrances to ensure that nobody got in or out.

"You got all our current demands prepared?" The Ginger Lieutenant asked, a walkie-talkie in his hands.

"Um, yes," Randy Marsh, standing at the front of the crowd, reassured the terrorist group. "We have all your demands. Just let our kids go."

"Nuh uh," The Ginger retorted. "Your precious Coon and Friends aren't going anywhere for a while. Not until we have all our demands met."

"Um, out of curiosity, how many demands do you have?" Gerald Broflovski questioned from within the crowd.

"We don't know!" The Ginger shouted. "We're still thinking about it!"

"Okay, okay!" Randy shouted, before muttering, "Jeez."

"Look!" One of the Gingers called out, pointing at the small police car driving up towards the front of the building. "It's him!"

The Ginger Lieutenant grinned. "The boss has arrived," He revealed, eliciting flurries of panic within the crowd.

The gingers made way as the police car came to a stop in front of the Ginger Lieutenant. Slowly, the doors opened and a pair of cops pulled out none other than the head of the Ginger Separatist Organization, Scott Tenorman.

"The boss is here!" The Gingers chanted, invigorated. "The boss is here!"

"Release him and bring him to us!" The Ginger Lieutenant demanded. "Do it, while your precious heroes still draw breath!"

Sergeant Yates reluctantly nodded to the police, who uncuffed Scott Tenorman. The ginger teen cackled wildly and strode over to his ginger underlings, snatching the walkie-talkie.

"Free at last!" Scott declared, laughing wickedly. Pointing to the townspeople, he snarled, "Now I'm running this town! I hold the lives of your superheroes in my hands, and if you want to keep them from being crushed, you better do exactly as I say!"

"Okay," Randy Marsh muttered somberly.

"Now, on with the demands!" Scott Tenorman said, snapping his fingers and summoning a Ginger carrying the demands list. "First up: the billion dollars!"

Slowly, the townsfolk carried a large steel safe over to the gingers. They dropped it onto the ground at Scott's feet, then backed off into the crowd.

"You sure there's a billion dollars in there?" One of the Gingers questioned suspiciously.

"Eh, give or take," Gerald replied.

"Good enough," Scott said, then looked back at the list. "Now: Christmas!"

At his command, a handcuffed Santa Claus was led out of the crowd. Immediately, the gingers laughed triumphantly. "Yes, South Park is under our complete control!" Scott declared. "Nothing can stop us now!"

Or so he thought.

* * *

Standing atop a hill overlooking the hotel, a group of kids from South Park Elementary watched the exchange take place with a pair of binoculars. Several of them were wearing costumes.

"OMG, those gingers are making our parents their bitches," Douglas noted as he handed the binoculars over to Kevin.

"We can't stand for this!" Kevin replied, dressed up as Spock. "We have to do something!"

"Uh, that's why we're here," Bebe reminded him. She was wearing her Blood Elf costume.

"So what's the plan again?" Annie asked, dressed up as a fairy.

"You know, Tweek and Craig weren't very specific," Bebe muttered. "They just wanted us to launch a preemptive strike as a signal to the others. Something chaotic."

"Did someone say 'chaotic'?" A voice asked from behind the group. They turned around and saw none other than Professor Chaos, flanked by General Disarray and a few Chaos Kids.

"Not now, Butters," Bebe snapped in an annoyed tone. "We're thinking of how to launch our preemptive strike."

"Hey, how about you take that golden bow and arrow of yours and shoot it through Scott's head?" Jason suggested, also dressed as an elf.

"Good idea," Bebe said, taking her bow and arrow. "However, he's pretty far away. I don't know if my aim's that good, but it's worth a shot." Getting onto one knee, she placed the arrow into her bowstring and began to take aim.

As the kids watched Bebe ready her shot, Kevin turned to one of the Chaos Kids, who was wearing a tinfoil mask concealing all but his eyes and had what appeared to be a pair of buttons attached to his body. "Hey, who are you?" He asked out of curiosity.

"Adam Borque," The Chaos Kid replied.

"You're dressed funny," Kevin noted. "What kind of Chaos Kid are you?"

"Oh, I'm a Chaos Exploder," Adam explained casually. "I explode whenever General Disarray detonates his remote control button. Good thing that won't be necessary here." He chuckled softly, but his laughter stopped when he noticed everyone else giving him a funny look, including Bebe.

"W-What?" He asked, uncomfortable.

Jason exchanged glances with Bebe. "Hey Bebe, what are the limits to what your bow can launch?" He asked.

* * *

"Alright, next up: no more non-Ginger-washing in Hollywood movies!" Scott Tenorman continued with his demands. "Any non-Ginger who's played as a Ginger shall be executed immediately! Bring in Quvenzhané Wallis; she's first!"

The townsfolk exchanged glances. "Uh, we don't really have any Hollywood people here at the moment," The Mayor explained.

"Are you shitting me?!" Scott Tenorman asked. "Then call her and tell her to come here immediately! My patience is wearing thin, and I hardly had any to begin with."

The townsfolk collectively gulped. The Mayor pulled out a phone, but before she could send out a call, everyone heard the faint sound of a high-pitched scream fill the air.

"What the Hell is that?" Gerald asked as everyone, including the Gingers, looked around in confusion, trying to locate the source of the scream.

The sound rapidly rose in volume, as if whoever was screaming was approaching fast. In the middle of the crowd, Mr. Mackey glanced upwards, then gasped, pointed up in the air and shouted, "Look!"

All eyes snapped upwards towards where Mackey was pointing. Up in the air, they saw Adam Borque soaring over their heads, his arms spinning like a windmill. His eyes were wide with shock and terror as he went flying towards the steel safe, which several gingers were clambering around, trying to open.

Too late, they realized Adam was flying right at them. "Hit the decks!" One of the Gingers cried, and they attempted to flee. Alas, they weren't quick enough. The moment Adam made contact with the safe, it exploded into flames, sending the Gingers nearby flying in all directions.

Scott Tenorman collapsed and attempted to shield his face as burning embers flew towards him. "What the Hell?!" He shouted.

It was at that moment that the kids of South Park Elementary made themselves known. Rushing out of the woods on all sides, they charged at the disoriented Ginger Kids, many of them wearing tinfoil suits and hats.

Nearby, the crowd shouted out in surprise. "It's the Minions of Chaos!" One of them shouted. "It's a supervillain showdown! We're all doomed!"

"Run away!" Officer Barbrady shouted as the townsfolk began to scatter in a panic. "Run away!" They fled in all directions, leaving the kids and the Ginger Separatist Organization to battle.

Getting off the ground, Scott Tenorman clutched his wounded arm and seethed angrily. "Don't just stand there!" He shouted at his bewildered underlings. "Get them!"

The Ginger Kids complied and let out a battle cry before charging to fight their assailants. As his minions held off the school kids, Scott limped over to the entrance of the Airport Hilton and shuffled inside.

As the kids battled, none of them noticed a small car drive past them and head over to the back of the Airport Hilton. Coming to a stop at the rear of the building, the car doors opened, revealing Craig, his family, and Tweek.

"Okay, for the last time, are you _sure_ you want to do this?" Craig asked his family as they walked over to the backdoor entrance. "Things could get ugly in there."

"If our son is willing to risk his life for his friends, we'll do the same for him," Thomas said.

"Alright then," Craig said, resting his hand on the doorknob. "Okay, so we need to find the Sunset Room and bust out the guys. Any questions?"

Tricia raised her hand. "Yes, Tricia?" Craig asked.

"Do you _really_ only care about Tweek and your guinea pig?" Tricia asked, raising an eyebrow.

Craig stared at her, a blank expression on his face.

". . . Are you still on about that?!"

* * *

 _Read and review._


	25. Battle in the Hilton (Again)

_South Down: Thanks._

 _Nicole980: With pleasure._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Okay._

* * *

After Coon and Friends had ceased bickering with one another, they'd simply gone silent, contemplating their current situation.

"Um, hey, Ginger Kid?" The Human Kite eventually called down to the Lead Ginger. "Not to sound impatient or anything, but what exactly is going to become of us after your demands are met?"

"Well that's up to the boss," The Ginger Leader replied. "I personally assume you'll all be drowned in chili, but I guess I'll just give Scott a call for confirmation." Whipping out a walkie-talkie, he began to call in his superior.

Behind the Human Kite, the Coon sighed. "So this is what will become of the mighty Coon?" He bemoaned. "Spending his final moments as a bargaining chip, and then drowned in chili. And all because three of our teammates had to be Greedy Jews."

"Oh, will you give that a rest?" Tupperware said as he sat in a corner of the cage. "Those three have made a dozen mistakes, but us getting captured isn't one of them."

"Well of course, Token," The Coon said sarcastically. "It's not their fault that Craig quit. It's totally not their fault that Tweek and Craig ran off, making us chase them, allowing us to be ambushed, humiliated, and captured. And it _definitely_ wasn't them who gave Scott Tenorman the idea to pull this whole thing off in the first place!"

"Yeah, and who caused Scott Tenorman to go nuts again?" Call Girl asked, folding her arms and narrowing her eyes at the Coon.

"Don't even bother," The Human Kite said, staring out of the cage. "It's not worth it."

"Yeah, sure it's isn't, Human _Kike_ ," The Coon muttered under his breath.

The Human Kite's head snapped up. Immediately, a collective gasp arose from the caged members of Coon and Friends. The air temperature dropped.

Slowly, the Human Kite craned his neck over to stare at the Coon, a deathly glare in his eyes.

"What the _fuck_ did you just call me?"

"Uh. . ." The Coon started, only to be violently tackled onto the floor by the Human Kite, causing the cage to swing violently in the air, tossing the rest of the team around, eliciting screams of panic from them.

"Take it back, you asshole!" The Human Kite shouted as he grappled with the Coon, their struggling only causing the cage to sway even more.

"Both of you, stop it!" Call Girl demanded, holding tightly onto the cage bars to keep from being thrown around.

Outside the cage, the Gingers watched the cage swinging to and fro with its occupants being flung around like ragdolls. A few of them laughed in amusement. The Lead Ginger, however, didn't mirror their glee.

"W-What are you talking about?" He asked, on the walkie-talkie with Scott. "What do you mean the hotel's under attack?"

Even in their scuffle, the Human Kite and the Coon overheard his words. Releasing each other, the two scrambled to their feet and rushed to the edge of the cage to listen in on the conversation, the rest of the team doing the same.

 _"The Airport Hilton is under assault,"_ Scott Tenorman's voice informed from the other end of the walkie-talkie. _"Mobilize all the gingers to defend our base. We mustn't have anyone infiltrate the hotel."_

"Oh shit!" The Lead Ginger exclaimed, panicked. Turning to the rest of the Gingers in the room, he ordered, "Go! We must keep the hotel from being overrun!"

"Yes, sir!" The other Gingers replied before scrambling out of the Sunset Room, leaving only the Lead Ginger and his lieutenants.

"Ha!" The Coon shouted down at the Lead Ginger from within the cage. "I knew someone would come save us! Looks like we won't be the ones drowning in chili after all!"

"Yeah, that's right!" The other members of Coon and Friends agreed.

"Shut up!" The Lead Ginger retorted. "Nobody's strong enough to overpower the Ginger Separatist Organization!"

Inside the cage, Toolshed furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Wait?" He said. "Who _is_ here to save us?"

* * *

Outside the hotel, it was utter chaos.

The kids of South Park Elementary had taken the Ginger Separatist Organization completely off-guard. The surprise bombing had disoriented the group, allowing the kids to swarm the terrorist group from all sides, attacking them with whatever weapons they could find.

However, the Gingers had been quick to recover and retaliate. Their large numbers made it so that an easy rout was unmanageable, even with the element of surprise, and they also had the entire building fortified. Overrunning it would not be an easy task.

"Watch your left, Lola!" Blood Elf Bebe shouted as she fired an arrow at a Ginger Kid creeping up on Warrior Lola. The arrow caught him by the collar, propelling him backwards and pinning him against the wall of the hotel.

Suddenly, Bebe was tackled from behind. Two gingers pinned her to the ground and began to grapple with her costume.

"Hey, watch the curls!" Bebe shouted as she struggled to free herself. "I just got it done at the hair salon!"

Seeing this, Theresa roped the gingers with her jump-ropes, yanking them off of Bebe. Quickly, she and Isla went to work, tying up the gingers with the jump-ropes until they were immobilized on the ground. Then, the two rushed over to Bebe,

"Thanks, babes," Bebe said as the two helped her to her feet, Isla placing her fallen crown back on her head.

Suddenly, Bebe noticed a flash of light behind her friend's heads. "Watch out!" She shouted in a panic, grabbing her friends and tackling them out of the way to avoid a rocket fired from one of the windows.

In the midst of the fighting, Nelly spun around the battlefield, wielding a pair of red and green toy shovels. With stunning speed and ferocity, she struck multiple advancing gingers across the face, sending them flying backwards.

Eventually, she stopped. "Spinning makes me dizzy," She commented to herself. As she paused momentarily, one ginger took the opportunity to deliver a left hook across her face, sending her head whipping to the side.

For a few moments, Nelly stood still, as if comprehending the blow. Then, she slowly craned her head forward, a murderous look in her eyes that send a shiver down the boy's spine.

"I'll dig you a shallow grave," She whispered.

The very next second, the ginger was convulsing on the ground, gagging violently on the two shovels jammed down his throat.

Nearby, Calamity Heidi was cornered against the wall by three gingers. "Keep back, you dogs!" She warned, swinging a broken bottle at her assailants. One of the gingers lunged forward anyways, and was swiftly slashed across the face by the broken end of the bottle. He let out a scream of agony as blood streamed from his torn cheek.

"I warned you," Heidi whispered. Then, she lunged forward, bashing her attackers across the face until the glass bottles had been broken completely, leaving only the handles. By then, all three gingers lay on the ground, bruised and bloody.

"Looks like Heidi needs to sober up," Calamity Heidi joked as she dropped the destroyed bottles. "See? I'm smart AND funny!"

Suddenly, a large shadow loomed over Calamity Heidi. Her skin paling, Heidi slowly turned around and was immediately grabbed by the neck and lifted into the air by one of the older gingers. She squirmed helplessly in his grasp, but it was useless. The older boy tightened his grip around Heidi's neck, choking the life out of her.

As he reeled back his head for a punch, he was suddenly torpedoed from behind by an alien egg, leaving a dark purple splattering on his back. The force of the blow caused him to stumble forward, dropping Heidi in the process.

As Heidi struggled to get up, she saw the ginger howl in agony as the purple quickly expanded in size, covering his entire body. He collapsed onto the ground, writhing in pain.

"My poison has no cure," Heidi heard a voice whisper, and turned to see Alien Queen Red, several alien eggs in her hands.

Quickly, Alien Queen Red hurled the alien eggs across the battlefield, bombarding several oncoming gingers. Immediately, they collapsed on the ground as the poison took effect.

"You're ginger, I'm Red!" She declared as she bombed another ginger.

Suddenly, Alien Queen Red was blasted into the air by a sudden explosion, sending her flying across the battlefield. More explosions erupted across the streets, sending kids from both sides sailing into the air.

Captain Stoley glanced upwards. "Rocket launchers!" He shouted in a panic, pointing up at the windows of the hotel. Within them, multiple gingers stood, rocket launchers in hand, aiming down at the battlefield.

Quickly, the kids rushed to take cover as more rockets were fired. Blood Elf Bebe rushed to grab an injured Red, carrying her towards the entrance area of the hotel, out of view of the rocket launchers.

"I can't feel my legs. . ." Red moaned, covered in scratches and bruises. Another rocket was fired, causing the kids near the entrance to recoil.

"We need to take out those rockets!" Blood Elf Bebe shouted.

"On it!" Professor Chaos called out. Pointing up at the windows, he commanded, "Go forth, my Minions of Chaos!"

Quickly, several Chaos Kids rushed out of hiding. Unveiling their discs, they hurled them up at the windows. Some of them struck the gingers wielding the rockets, causing them to recoil in pain, releasing the rocket launchers in the process, which plunged down the side of the hotel.

To counteract this, several gingers propped up Gatling guns at the windows and fired them rapidly, forcing the Chaos Kids to scatter to avoid being hit. One Chaos Bomber managed to hurl a red brick up at the window, striking one of the gunners in the face.

"My eyes!" The Ginger shouted, his eyes feeling like they were burning. In his agony, he redirected the Gatling gun upwards and fired wildly, causing his comrade holding the rocket launcher to stumble backwards. As he did, he dropped the rocket launcher, which landed on the ground and fired.

"Uh-oh," The Ginger whispered, realizing his mistake too late as the rocket went spiraling down the hallway.

* * *

In the lower sections of the hotel, Craig, his family, and Wonder Tweek rushed down the hallway as fast as they could. They didn't know how long Tweek and Craig's schoolmates could keep the gingers occupied, so they knew they had to free Coon and Friends quickly.

Suddenly, the small group heard a loud explosion coming from the higher sections of the hotel, accompanied by a small quaking that caused them to stumble briefly.

"What was that?" Laura asked once she and the others had regained their footing.

"Whatever it was, it can't be good," Craig said, holding onto Wonder Tweek and Tricia to keep them stable. "Come on, we have to keep going." With that, they continued running.

Before they could get far, three gingers appeared at the end of the hallway. "Intruders!" One girl shouted, and the three rushed forward.

The Tucker family stepped backwards, but Wonder Tweek stood his ground. "Here comes a shock!" He shouted, summoning his Supreme Lightning attack. Immediately, sparks of electricity struck two of the attacking gingers, sending them crashing onto the ground, twitching. The final ginger continued forward, but Wonder Tweek delivered an electric-charged punch to the face, knocking him out cold.

"Let's go!" Wonder Tweek shouted to the Tuckers, urging them forward. They continued running, stepping over the fallen gingers.

"We aren't getting anywhere running around aimlessly!" Thomas said to his son. "You've been here before; surely you know where to find the Sunset Room!"

"I did, but we entered the hotel from the front that time," Craig explained. "We had to enter from the backdoor this time. I've never been in this area before."

"No offense, but could you sound a little less gay?" Tricia commented, earning her a quick glare from her older brother.

"It's at least on the second floor!" Wonder Tweek said. "We just need to find an elevator!"

"Good idea, Tweek!" Craig replied as the group turned down a hallway. "Come on, let's go!"

Eventually, they did manage to find one of the elevators. "Perfect!" Craig exclaimed, and the group quickly rushed towards it. Suddenly, however, the elevator doors opened, revealing a horde of ginger kids inside.

The group instantly stopped in their tracks. "Oh shit," Craig said.

The gingers let out a battle cry and surged forward, colliding with the group. Tweek and Craig were pinned to the ground, but Thomas and Laura were able to throw off their smaller attackers with ease.

"Get off of my son!" Laura demanded, grabbing one of the gingers holding down Craig and hurling him across the hallway. Nearby, Tweek squirmed underneath the two gingers pinning him down. Managing to free his arms, he gripped both gingers' shoulders and send an electric shock rippling through them, causing them to scream in pain and spring off of him.

"There's too many of them!" Thomas said as several gingers crawled up his arms and body, trying to pull him to the ground. His foot shot out, catching one ginger in the mouth and sending him flying into the wall. He managed to shake off his attackers long enough to reach Craig.

"Quick Craig!" He said, hoisting his son into the air. "You have to reach the elevator!" With that, he tossed Craig over the heads of the oncoming gingers. He landed on the ground in front of the elevator door, which was still open.

Briefly, Craig turned to stare at his family, who continued to struggle against the gingers, a conflicted look on his face. "Go on, Craig!" Thomas called out to him. "We can handle these guys!" As he spoke, he grabbed one of the gingers and pried him off his body.

Craig bit his lip and hesitated, but eventually turned to rush to the elevator door before it closed. Just as he was halfway through, he was tackled from behind by one of the gingers.

"We can't let him pass!" The ginger shouted as he clambered on top of Craig, attempting to pull him out of the elevator.

"Get off me!" Craig shouted, attempting to throw off his attacker. However, the ginger was too strong.

Suddenly, the boy let out a high-pitched scream and released Craig, allowing him to scramble inside the elevator. Turning around, he saw Tricia sinking her teeth into the boy's leg. The boy briefly turned on her, only to be zapped by a lightning bolt from Wonder Tweek.

"Go Craig," Wonder Tweek ordered, his hands sparkling with electricity. "I'll protect your family!"

After a brief hesitation, Craig nodded and rushed to the elevator, pressing the button to get to the second floor and reach the Sunset Room. As the doors closed, he spared one last look at his family and boyfriend as they continued to battle the gingers.

"Be a hero, Tweek," Craig whispered.

That was the last thing he said before the doors shut, cutting him off from his loved ones and sending him to an unknown fate above.

* * *

 _Read and review._


	26. Operation: Save Coon and Friends

_South Down: Thanks._

 _LivingOnLaughs: DO NOT WANT!_

 _Nicole980: Glad you noticed._

* * *

Terrance Mephesto soared over the battlefield surrounding the Airport Hilton using his helicopter-backpack, raining death from above.

Bombs were fired from his rocket launcher, spiraling through the air and impacting with the ground near pockets of Ginger Kids, igniting vicious explosions that sent members of the terrorist group flying. Their scorched bodies tumbled and crashed onto the ground, bits of clothing and hair caught aflame.

Fiery explosions erupted from the windows of the hotel as the bombs were fired at the gunners. The gingers commandeering the guns and rocket launchers were thrown back as they were bombarded by the flying missiles. Entire sections of the airport billowed with pitch black smoke.

Within the hotel, Scott Tenorman limped as fast as he could down the hallways. Even in his injured state, he attempted to block his younger underlings as they fled from the destruction. "What are you doing, you idiots?!" He shouted, grabbing one ginger boy and slinging him back, preventing him from reaching the exit. "Stay and fight!"

"But boss, things are getting out of hand!" One ginger girl protested. "We didn't prepare for this kind of resistance!"

"What kind of minions are you?!" Scott Tenorman shouted, raising a threatening fist towards his underlings. "I didn't hire you to run from a bunch of 4th Graders!"

" _We're_ 4th Graders!" One boy retorted.

Scott growled in frustration and swatted one of his minions to the side. "Fine, do whatever you want!" He shouted at them. "I don't need you. I have something else in store."

As the Ginger Kids took the opportunity to run, Scott temporarily blocked one of his lieutenants. "Hey, did you guys bring the thing?" He asked, rubbing his hands together gleefully.

"Yes, boss," The lieutenant replied. "It's in the lower levels."

"Good!" Scott shouted, shoving his lieutenant aside. "That's all I need." With that, he continued hobbling quickly to reach the lower levels.

"Just you wait, _brother_ ," He sneered, a delirious grin on his face. "I'll show you that revenge is a dish. Best served _chili_."

* * *

After arriving at the second floor, Craig had exited the elevator and rushed down the hallway towards the Sunset Room, his heart filled with worry.

He couldn't believe he had just left Tweek and his family alone with those monsters. More than that, he couldn't believe they'd thrown him away, sacrificing themselves just to buy him time.

 _Go on, Craig,_ his dad had called to him. _We can handle these guys._

Had they really loved him so much, that ensuring that he rescued his friends overrode their own safety? He knew he'd had a rocky relationship with his parents and sister, so much that he'd took their familial bond for granted.

 _Do you really only care about Tweek and your guinea pig?_ Tricia had asked him, just before they'd entered the belly of the beast.

No. No he didn't. He only wished he'd said that when he had the chance. He only took comfort knowing that Wonder Tweek was with them. While his concern didn't fade, he was confident that with his boyfriend protecting them, his family would be safe.

Suddenly, he froze in his tracks. At the end of the hallway, a silhouette appeared from behind the corner. As he watched, a ginger boy, a crowbar in his hand, appeared at the end of the hallway.

At first, the boy didn't seem to notice him. But as he stood still, petrified, the boy slowly turned his head until their eyes met. The moment they did, the ginger boy's eyes narrowed and he gritted his teeth angrily, causing Craig to step backwards.

Letting out an angry cry, the boy charged.

For a moment, Craig felt his heart drop into his stomach. He was instantly reminded that these were the same kids that had taken South Park to the brink more than once. He himself had nearly lost his life to them, along with nearly all of his schoolmates.

But then he remembered why he was here. He was here to rescue Coon and Friends. He wouldn't let one redhead with a crowbar hinder him.

The ginger boy was inches away now. Growling, he swung the crowbar towards Craig's head, but the dark-haired boy was ready. Ducking under the swing, Craig punched the boy in the gut, causing him do double over in pain. The crowbar dropped onto the ground.

Grabbing the boy by the hair, Craig hurled him into the wall before continuing on his way. However, the boy wasn't finished yet. Grabbing the crowbar, he hurled it towards the back of Craig's head, the force of the blow knocking Craig onto his face.

Groaning, Craig slowly got to his knees. As he did, the ginger boy pounced onto his back, taking the crowbar and pressing it against his neck. Craig let out choked gags as the boy strangled the life out of him.

With a growl, Craig threw his head back, striking the boy in the nose and causing him to drop the crowbar. He stumbled backwards, clutching his bleeding nose, while Craig collapsed onto his hands and feet, rubbing his sore neck. As he did, he noticed the crowbar lying before him.

Behind him, the boy removed his hands from his nose and stared at the blood on his palms. Clenching his bloodied fists, he looked up at Craig and shouted, "You're gonna pay for-"

He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence. Before he could react, Craig whirled around and struck him in the face with the crowbar. The force of the blow caused the boy to spin around before noiselessly collapsing onto the ground, unconscious.

Craig breathed heavily, letting the crowbar slip from his fingers as he stared at his downed opponent.

He did it. And he didn't even need to be Super Craig to do it.

Turning to stare down the hallway, Craig narrowed his eyes. He had a mission to complete.

And he wouldn't let anyone stop him.

* * *

Coon and Friends let out a collective shout as the sound of another explosion rung through their ears.

"What the Hell is going on out there?" Toolshed wondered aloud, his hands tightening around the cage bars. With each explosion, the cage would swing back and forth, threatening to send its occupants tumbling.

On the ground, the Lead Ginger continued to speak into his walkie-talkie. "Boss, hello?" He said, a worried tone in his voice. "Boss, come in? Come in?"

It was no use. He got no reply.

"Ha!" The Coon taunted from within his cage. "Looks like your boss has fled with his tail between his legs!"

The Lead Gingers seethed and signaled towards one of his underlings. The ginger boy pointed the chili-filled water gun up at the Coon, who immediately recoiled, shielding his eyes.

"Hey!"

Immediately, all eyes turned to the source of the shout. Within the cage, the members of Coon and Friends' eyes widened in shock when they saw who was standing at the entrance of the Sunset Room.

"Super Craig!" They all shouted in unison.

"Just Craig," Craig corrected, his voice flat and empty. "Do you see an 'S' on my jacket?"

The Lead Ginger humphed. "All I see is a dead body," He sneered, then turned to the other gingers. "Get 'em!"

Two gingers rushed towards the intruder, water guns in their hands. Taking aim, the two fired a stream of hot chili sauce at Craig, striking him dead-center in the chest.

"Craig!" Toolshed shouted in horror as his friend was shot. "No!"

Craig simply stood still, the chili sauce splashing harmlessly against his jacket. Then, he casually strode forward, even as the gingers continued to spray him with the sauce.

"Uh, boss?" One of the gingers said as Craig approached. "The sauce isn't working. Help u-" Before he could finish the sentence, Craig swatted the water gun out of his hand. Taking two fingers, he then poked the boy in the eyes, eliciting a scream of pain from the ginger and causing him to stumble backwards, clutching his burning eyes.

Craig then turned to the other ginger, who was trembling in his pants. Eventually, he dropped the water gun and threw a half-hearted punch that Craig effortlessly caught in his own hand. Craig then tightened his grip on the boy's wrist, causing him to scream and futilely try to wrench his hand out of Craig's iron-like hold.

Eventually, Craig released the boy, who collapsed onto the ground, clutching his numb hand, and turned towards the Lead Ginger, who backed away, intimidated.

"Uh, uh, uh!" The Lead Ginger said, raising a finger. "Don't take one step closer!" Whipping out a small gun, he aimed it up at the rope attached to the cage holding Coon and Friends.

"If you take one step nearer, I'll shoot the rope and drop that cage and all your friends into the lava!" The Lead Ginger threatened.

To his confusion, Craig simply shrugged. "Go ahead," He replied in an uncaring tone. "You think I care about those assholes?"

Inside the cage, the members of Coon and Friends gasped. "Craig?" The Coon said, stunned.

The Lead Ginger looked just as dumbfounded. "R-Really?" He asked. "You're just gonna let me kill them?"

"If you do, you have no hostages," Craig pointed out. "Which you means you have no leverage over this town. Which then means there'll be nothing stopping me from pounding you senseless." As he spoke, he unflinchingly walked closer towards the Lead Ginger.

The Lead Ginger opened his mouth to reply, only for Craig to cut him off with, "And before you ask, that was totally intentional." As he finished, the hint of a smirk appeared on his lips.

The Lead Ginger gulped, his eyes darting to the gun, and then to Craig.

"Go ahead, flip that coin," Craig said, now inches away from the Lead Gingers. "And see where it lands you."

The Lead Ginger trembled slightly. As he did, his grip on the gun faltered.

There was a flash in Craig's eyes, and he whispered, "That was all the hesitance I needed."

With a speed the Lead Ginger didn't know existed, Craig elbowed him in the nose, causing him to drop the gun. Before he could recover, Craig headbutted him in the face before hurling him across the room. He slammed into the wall before sliding onto the ground, unconscious.

Inside the cage, the trapped superheroes cheered. "Way to go, Craig!" The Human Kite shouted.

"I knew you weren't serious when you said we were assholes!" The Coon called out to him. "Now quickly, get us out of here!"

Craig glanced up at the trapped superheroes, a blank look on his face as he stood there, motionless.

"Craig, what are you waiting for?" The Coon asked. "Get us out."

Craig narrowed his eyes. "Go fuck yourselves!" He suddenly shouted up at them.

"What the fuck, Craig?!" Tupperware called down at him as the other superheroes' jaws dropped in shock.

"I'm fucking mad at you guys!" Craig shouted, his face turning red with anger.

"Dude, we're sorry we kidnapped your boyfriend, alright?!" Toolshed called down to him. "It was stupid and selfish of us. But please, can we talk about it some other time?!"

"No!" Craig retorted. "I've been silent about my feelings one too many times! I'm not postponing them any longer!"

"Craig, Kyle and those two are sorry," Tupperware said to him.

"I'm fucking mad at you, too!" Craig screamed at him. "I'm mad at _all_ of you!"

"What?!" Mosquito exclaimed. "Why?"

"Ever since you formed that stupid Franchise Plan, you guys have been ass-raping what it means to be a hero!" Craig berated the trapped team. "Instead of saving lives and providing an example to others, you've been using it to get rich and attract girls! You used to have morals and principals that you stood by; now you're all just a shell of what you used to be!"

The trapped team were silent, taking in Craig's words. Eventually, Toolshed spoke.

"Craig, I. . . I'm sorry," He whispered, his voice cracking. "When _Mysterion Rises_ came out, it was like we were on top of the world. Everyone wanted to be our friend. Everyone thought we were cool. It was like our Franchise Plan was the best thing that happened to us."

"But those guys weren't interested in us for who we were," The Human Kite said. "They just wanted to profit off of being connected to such famous celebrities."

Craig humphed. "You know, it's funny," He said. "Because those same guys are the ones here right now, moving heaven and earth to save you."

The team's eyes widened. "Our schoolmates?" Toolshed whispered. "They. . . they're the ones here to save us."

"Yeah," Craig whispered. "Bebe, Kevin, Butters. . ."

"Nelly?" The Human Kite asked.

"Yeah, even Nelly," Craig said, beginning to smile.

The sound of a rocket exploding outside the hotel rang through the team's ears once more. "Well what the Hell are we standing around here for?" The Coon asked. "Tweek managed to get himself out of captivity; so should we!"

"So how are we gonna do that?" Mosquito asked.

"You think there's a ladder nearby, or something?" Toolshed suggested.

"A ladder?" The Coon asked, unimpressed. "Come on, we're Coon and Friends! We gotta think outside the box here!"

"Cartman, will you pipe down?" The Human Kite retorted, giving the Coon a rather hard flick with his wrist, causing him to stumble backwards into the other end of the cage. The small collision caused the cage to sway slightly.

There was a glint in Craig's eyes. "Hey, I have an idea!" He called out to them.

"What?" The team asked in unison.

Picking up the gun from the unconscious Lead Ginger, Craig said, "I'm gonna shoot through the rope!"

There was a brief silence. ". . . What?!" The team repeated, only louder.

"Are you crazy?" The Coon shouted. "Then we'll fall in the lava!"

"No, no, no," Craig clarified to them. "Look, I want all of you to swing the cage back and forth. Think of it like you're on the playground swings. Then, when I shoot through the ropes, the momentum will propel the cage through the air, over the pit, and onto the ground! Got it?"

"Uh, okay," The team replied. Slowly, the team took positions at opposite ends of the cage, grabbing onto the bars.

"This better work," The Human Kite muttered to himself as the team, in unison, pushed and pulled on the bars, causing the cage to sway slightly. The team began to pick up the pace, causing the cage to swing harder and faster.

As the cage swung back and forth, Craig took aim with the gun. He squinted his eyes as he readied the shot, aiming at the rope holding the cage.

Then, taking a deep breath, he fired.

The bullet ripped through the rope just as the cage was in mid-swing. Immediately, the cage plummeted fast towards Craig, causing him to dive out of the way. As he did, it crashed onto the ground, smashing into pieces upon impact and throwing bits of wood and metal around the room.

Getting off the ground, Craig hesitantly approached the destroyed cage. Lying in the rubble was the battered, but nonetheless freed, Coon and Friends.

"N-Nailed it," Mosquito whispered, revealing a chipped tooth.

"Alright you guys, get up," Craig said, yanking each team member to their feet and pushing Doctor Timothy back onto his wheelchair. "We got a battle to win here!"

After a few moments to regain their strength, the team got into battle position, a determined look on their faces.

"Coon and Friends, move out!" Toolshed shouted.

* * *

Outside the hotel, the South Park Elementary kids and the Ginger Separatist Movement continued to battle it out. Even with a portion of the hotel in disrepair, neither side was gaining a noticeable advantage.

"Come on, you guys!" Blood Elf Bebe called out to the other kids. "We have those gingers on the ropes! Let's get these losers!" As she spoke, a piece of debris was chucked in her direction, striking her in the chest.

"Ow!" She shouted in pain. "My tit!"

Before either group could proceed further, the sound of a large drill filled everyone's ears. All eyes turned to the second floor of the hotel as a massive power drill burst through the wall, leaving a human-sized hole in it.

As everyone watched, Coon and Friends dove out of the wall and into the battlefield. "Is someone throwing a party?" Toolshed shouted as he drop-kicked a ginger into the ground.

"Sorry we were late!" Mysterion added, punching another ginger boy unconscious as he landed.

"Look everybody!" Professor Chaos shouted. "Coon and Friends are free!"

"No," One of the ginger lieutenants shouted. "No!"

Craig was the last to exit the wall. "Come on, everybody!" He called out to the crowd. "Coon and Friends may be free, but they can't do this alone! Let's all work together and finish these assholes once and for all!"

"Yeah!" The kids all shouted, reinvigorated, and charged out to finish the battle.

As several Ginger Kids charged forward, Tupperware summoned his Tupper Turret, firing rapidly at the terrorists. The gunfire beat back the gingers, forcing them to retreat. As they did, one of the older gingers emerged from the wreckage, rocket launcher in hand. He fired at the turret, blowing it to pieces and sending Tupperware and a few other kids flying.

Craig dove behind the hotel's sign for cover, along with a few other kids, as the ginger began firing the rocket launcher at random. Noticing a Chaos Exploder standing idly by, he called out, "Fastpass!"

"Not a problem!" Fastpass replied, immediately understanding his plan. Racing across the street, he snatched the Chaos Exploder and dragged him towards the ginger at lightning speed, setting him up next to him before racing off.

"General Disarray!" Craig called out to the 2nd Grader. The redhead nodded, summoning his remote control button.

Just as he finished firing another rocket, the ginger noticed the Chaos Exploder standing next to him. "Hey, what the-"

 _BOOM!_

A large explosion erupted from where the Chaos Exploder had been standing, consuming the ginger in the blast. The rocket launcher went flying from the explosion, clattering onto the ground next to the sign.

Soaring through the air, the Human Kite fired his laser eyes at the ginger kids, causing them to scatter in their attempts to flee. Their haste left them unable to respond as they were tackled and beaten down by the other kids.

As Craig kneed one ginger boy in the face, he was suddenly struck in the back of the head. Collapsing onto the ground, he looked up to see a ginger boy glaring down at him, a chunk of concrete in his fist.

Craig shielded his face as the boy brought the piece of debris down upon his head. Before he could make impact, however, there was a flash of lightning, followed by the boy shrieking in agony as he was zapped by electricity.

Eventually, the lightning ceased, and the severely burnt ginger boy collapsed onto the ground, unconscious. Craig stared down at his fallen attacker, then looked up at who had saved him. When he did, his eyes widened.

"Tweek!" He shouted in joy as his eyes landed on his boyfriend, his hands bursting with electricity. Behind him were his parents and sister.

"You guys are alright!" He shouted, springing upwards and enveloping his boyfriend and family in a hug.

"I told you I'd protect them," Wonder Tweek whispered as he held Craig in his arms. Releasing Craig, Wonder Tweek fired another blast of lightning at a ginger girl, sending her flying backwards.

"Boy am I glad to see you!" Craig said to him. "Now that you're all here, finishing these gingers should be a piece of cake!"

Just as the words left his mouth, everyone felt the ground beneath them slowly begin to rumble. Slowly, all the kids ceased fighting and began looking around in confusion as they felt something large start to emerge from the ground.

"What the Hell is that?" Toolshed asked.

He soon got his answer. A large, clawed, robotic hand punched through the wall of the Airport Hilton, causing everyone outside the jump in terror. As they watched on, a massive human-shaped robot burst out from the hotel. The robot had metallic red hair, glowing freckles, and one arm had a cannon attached to it.

The crowd stared up at the giant robot in utter terror. "Holy shit," The Human Kite whispered, shaking frantically.

"I-I think I just peed my pants," Annie stuttered, rushing off to find a place to switch clothes.

Inside the robot's head, visible through its visor, sat none other than Scott Tenorman. "Greetings, my helpless friends!" He called down to the crowd of children before him, giggling menacingly. "You didn't really think my army of gingers was my only line of defense, did ya?"

The kids of South Park Elementary stared up at the robot, stricken silent with fear.

"You took away my chance at controlling this town!" Scott growled. "Now prepare to suffer my wrath! Say hello to Robo-Tenorman 3.0!"

"Oh real original, ya asshole!" The Coon called up at him.

"Silence!" Scott shouted. "Now die!"

And with that, the robot surged forward.

* * *

 _Check out South Park: Tenorman's Revenge to get the reference._

 _Anyways, read and review._


	27. Eros Eruption

_LivingOnLaughs: Well let's see, then._

 _Nicole980: What else do you expect from South Park?_

 _Your Face: Nice to see you're caught on. Once again, check out South Park: Tenorman's Revenge for context._

* * *

The crowd outside of the Airport Hilton was paralyzed with utter terror as the Robo-Tenorman 3.0 surged towards them, metallic arms outstretched and primed to crush or skewer anyone in its path. The gingers fled, terrified as their own leader entered the fray in his robotic behemoth.

After getting over the initial shock, the members of Coon and Friends were quick to jump into action. Summoning his Tupper Turret, Tupperware rapidly fired at the metal hide of the Robo-Tenorman 3.0, only for the bullets to bounce harmlessly off the metal. The robot retaliated, firing missiles from its chest cannon, but the Human Kite blasted the missiles with his laser eyes, causing them to explode in midair before they could cause any damage.

Taking to the air, the Human Kite flew around the massive robot, firing at its head in an attempt to locate any weaknesses. The lasers didn't even seem to affect the Robo-Tenorman 3.0, who continued on, unfazed.

"This thing's armor is really tough!" The Human Kite called down to the crowd. "I can't penetrate it!" As he spoke, the robot aimed its clawed arm up at where he was flying and, in a single motion, extended its arm forward. The claw struck the Human Kite, knocking him out of the air and sending him spiraling towards the ground.

Terrance Mephesto flew towards the robot, his rocket launcher locked on it. "How about you try this on for size!" He cried, firing his bombs at the robot's chest and abdomen. The bombs caused the robot to stumble backwards, but it quickly regained control and swung its arm out at Terrance, missing him by an inch.

Suddenly, the robot paused. Craning its metal neck down, it stared down at the Coon, who was clawing viciously at its foot, trying to chip away at the metal. "Yeah, take that!" He shouted, delivering another swipe at the metal. "You think you're tough now?!"

With a simple flick of its foot, the Robo-Tenorman 3.0 sent the Coon flying backwards. He collided with a tree and collapsed onto the ground, stunned.

Inside the robot's head, Scott cackled maniacally. Pressing a button, he unleashed several more missiles from its chest, raining them down across the battlefield. The crowd scattered in a panic, trying desperately to avoid the missiles as they exploded upon making contact with the ground.

Taking cover from the explosions, Craig turned to the rest of the group. "We need to blot out his visor!" He called out to the rest of the rest of the group. Turning to Mosquito, he said, "Mosquito, use your Ultimate attack!"

"On it!" Mosquito said. Taking to the air, he flew towards the robot and yelled out, "Pandemic Pestilence!"

Immediately, a massive bug horde flew towards the robot, swarming its head and obscuring its visor. "Hey!" Scott Tenorman shouted from within the robot's head. "I can't see a thing!" The robot stumbled around, raising its arm and swiping at the swarm.

"Now's our chance!" Mysterion said to the rest of the group. "Attack!"

Letting out a battle cry, the group charged at the robot. As the Robo-Tenorman 3.0 was occupied by the swarm, the group climbed up its legs and around the robot's body, beating at it and attempting to locate a weak point. Wonder Tweek sent surges of electricity through the robot's armor while Craig punched and kicked at its shoulders.

As the robot continued to fire its missiles, Toolshed, hanging from the robot's arm, yelled out, "Tupperware, take out its guns! Ultimate attack!"

"Not a problem!" Tupperware replied. In a single motion, Tupperware upgraded into his Tupper Mech Mk III form. Taking to the air, he fired several missiles at the robot's chest area, bombarding its missile launchers and disabling its functions.

"No!" Scott cried out from within the robot. Pulling a lever, he aimed the robot's arm cannon at Tupperware and unleashed a massive stream of chili sauce. The sauce hit Tupperware like a tidal wave, sending him plummeting onto the ground. Chunks of metal from his suit was sent flying in all directions.

Nichole rushed up to her fallen boyfriend. "Baby!" She cried in horror, kneeling down next to his half-broken form.

"Can't. . . move," Token groaned in pain, lying still on the ground. "Sauce. . . disabled my suit."

The Robo-Tenorman 3.0 continued to spray the chili sauce across the battlefield, sweeping away anyone who couldn't flee in time. Clinging to the robot's arm, Toolshed scrambled up onto its shoulder and whipped out his power drill.

"Move, you guys!" He cried out to his teammates who were hanging onto the cannon. Heeding his warning, the group rushed to get away from the arm cannon. Once they were out of the way, Toolshed took aim at the cannon with his power drill.

"Full Bore!" He cried, unleashing the full power of his power drill. The tip of the drill struck the arm cannon's joint area, drilling through it until the cannon had been disconnected from the rest of the arm. It crashed onto the ground with a thud.

In the midst of the chaos, Craig searched the damaged area for his area. "Dad?!" He cried out, worry in his voice. "Mom? Tricia?"

"Craig?" He heard his mother's voice call out to him a distance away. Turning around, he saw Laura and Tricia struggling to carry an injured Thomas, his leg damaged.

"Dad!" Craig cried out, rushing to aid his family. Gripping his father, he helped settle him onto the ground.

Nearby, the Robo-Tenorman 3.0 was flying out of control, thrashing around violently in an attempt to shake the members of Coon and Friends off of him. The superheroes couldn't hold on and were sent flying off the robot, soaring off in different directions. From within the robot's head, Scott settled his eyes upon the Tucker's as they tended to Thomas.

"Oh, how sweet!" Scott roared mockingly. "A shame I can never have that experience; it was taken from me. Would be a bigger shame if I took it away from _them_!" With that, he raised the robot's clawed hand and brought it down upon the Tucker family.

The Tucker's were too busy tending to Thomas to notice the clawed hand coming at them. Just as they noticed the large shadow engulfing them, a dark blur flew at them and shoved all four of them out of the way. The family tumbled several feet away; as they did, they heard the sound of the clawed hand smashing onto the ground.

Craig was the first to recover. Scrambling to his feet, he turned to the clawed hand just as it lifted itself off the ground, unveiling the crushed figure who had saved the Tucker family's life, at the cost of his own.

When he saw who it was, Craig's eyes widened in horror. "Mysterion. . ." He whispered.

The battered superhero lay on the ground, bruised and bleeding. He was coughing violently, and was struggling to even move. He looked as if every bone in his body had been broken.

"Oh my God, he killed Kenny!" Toolshed shouted in horror.

"You bastard!" The Human Kite shouted up at Scott, who only cackled in response.

"Mysterion," Craig whispered, his voice cracking as he knelt down next to his comrade. "You. . . you. . ."

"Don't worry about me, Craig," Mysterion groaned, sounding like every word was causing him pain. "You have to. . . stop Scott."

"Kenny. . ." Craig whispered, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Craig," Mysterion whispered, raising a frail hand towards Craig and resting it onto his wrist. "For everything. Tell Tweek. . . I'm sorry."

As he finished his sentence, his arm went limp.

For a few moments, Craig held onto Mysterion's motionless arm, hanging his head low. Then, he looked up at the robot, his eyes ablaze with fury.

The Robo-Tenorman 3.0 continued to stomp across the battlefield, wrecking havoc. Scott Tenorman cackled maniacally, enjoying the chaos he was causing. "No one can stop me now!" He shouted.

Getting to his feet, Craig walked towards the rampaging robot, his stride unflinching even as the Robo-Tenorman 3.0 turned to face him, its massive robotic head craning downwards at him.

"Well, well, well," Scott said in a mocking tone as he stared down at Craig. "Look who's wishing for death."

"The only one who will be tasting death is you!" Craig declared, pointing a finger up at Scott.

Scott merely laughed in response. "Oh please!" He taunted. "What could you possibly do? You're just a normal boy with no superpowers!"

"You may be right, Scott!" Craig called up to him. "I may not have superpowers. But guess what? I don't need superpowers to hand you your ass!"

"Is that right?" Scott retorted, stomping up towards the chullo-hat wearing boy. "And just how are you going to do that?"

In response, Craig grinned. "Easy," He said. "Cause I brought backup."

Just then, everyone heard a voice call out, "Make way for Diabetes!"

Scott's grin vanished as the crowd parted, revealing none other than Captain Diabetes, who road into battle on his bicycle. In his hand was a large bag filled with candies and sweets.

"Behold the true power of Diabetes!" He declared, before scarfing down the bag of candies in moments. Throwing away the empty bag, he growled as he felt energy surge through his body. His muscles bristled within his costume as he unveiled his Ultimate power, Diabetic Rage.

"Diabeetus!" He cried as he reached maximum power. Surging forward, he grabbed the detached cannon from off the ground. Lifting it over his head, he launched it at the robot's face with tremendous strength. The cannon smashed into the robot's head, shattering its visor and propelling the robot backwards, nearly knocking it off-balance.

Almost as quickly as Captain Diabetes' power had emerged, it faded quick. "Oh gosh," He whispered, feeling fatigued. "Need insulin. . . fast. . ." Crumbling onto his knees, he searched his costume for his insulin shot.

"Look!" Wonder Tweek called out, pointing up at the robot's damaged face. "The visor is destroyed. We can enter the head!"

Smirking, Craig turned to the Human Kite and Mosquito. "Think you guys can get me and Tweek up to the head?" He asked.

"No problem," The Human Kite said as he and Mosquito took flight. Craig grabbed hold of the Human Kite while Tweek hopped onto Mosquito. The four were about to take flight when Thomas called out, "Craig, wait!"

The superheroes paused momentarily, hovering slightly off the ground. Craig stared at his father, a blank expression on his face.

"I'm proud of you, son," Thomas whispered. "Go kick that Scott Tenorman guy's ass."

Craig nodded in response. "Thanks, dad," He said, before turning to the Human Kite. "Alright, take us to the sky!"

With that, the Human Kite and Mosquito blasted off into the air, carrying Craig and Wonder Tweek. They dodged the robot's arm as it swung at them and flew towards the exposed head area.

"Bombs away!" Mosquito shouted out as he and the Human Kite released Craig and Wonder Tweek, who plunged through the destroyed visor and landed inside the robot's head in front of Scott.

"Did someone call for a fist in the face?" Craig asked as he and Wonder Tweek stood up, facing off against Scott, who gritted his teeth as he continued to control the robot.

"You guys are out of your league," Scott taunted as he faced the pair. "I've brought this town to its knees more than once. You think I'll be stopped by a pair of gay little 4th Graders? One of which has an anxiety problem?"

"Yeah, well that's the problem with you, Scott," Craig said calmly as he and Tweek stood side-by-side. "You always underestimate things. You underestimate us 4th Graders, you underestimate this town, but there's one thing you underestimated the most."

"And what would that be?" Scott asked, raising an eyebrow.

Craig closed his eyes for a moment before opening them, a look of resolve on his stare. Taking Tweek's hand on his own, he smiled.

"The power of love."

As he spoke, he and Wonder Tweek floated into the air, their hands still entangled in one another. A blinding light radiated from their bodies, causing Scott to avert his eyes from them. As he willed himself to turn his gaze back onto him, he noticed that the two looked different.

"W-What's going on?" He asked, confused as he shielded his eyes from the light. "Why do you guys look Japanese? And what language are you speaking? It sounds Asian."

The only answer he got was a blast of pink light from Tweek and Craig that engulfed him in white.

And just like that, it was over.

* * *

When the dust cleared, the crowd surrounded the downed Robo-Tenorman 3.0, looking for any signs of the duo who had entered it.

Eventually, Craig and Tweek emerged from the robot's destroyed visor, dragging an unconscious Scott Tenorman with them. "Is everyone okay?" Craig called out to the crowd. "Nobody got crushed?"

The two heard a groaning sound coming from beneath the robot's arm. Rushing over to the source of the groan, the two lifted the arm up to reveal a battered Adam Borque lying beneath it.

"Why am I not dead?" He groaned before passing out.

Tweek and Craig exchanged glances with each other before hearing Tupperware calling out to them, "Guys, come here!"

Turning around, the two rushed towards the rest of the team, which was huddled around a dying Mysterion.

"Kenny, that was a brave thing you did," The Human Kite whispered, holding the hand of his dying friend. "You saved Craig's family."

"Eh, wasn't as brave as you think," Mysterion replied, only to choke up some blood.

Tweek and Craig walked up to their mortally wounded friend. "Mysterion, you have my eternal gratitude," Craig said to him. "I mean, to just sacrifice your life like that, for my family-"

"No need to get all sappy," Mysterion groaned out, raising a hand to him. "Look, I got some stuff to say."

When the rest of the group had quieted down, Mysterion whispered, "Look Craig, you were right. Me and the others, we were blinded by fame. We lost sight of why we became superheroes and started to use our alter-egos to become celebrities. When you quit, we didn't understand why, but worse, we couldn't even respect your decision to leave. What the Hell kind of hero does that make us?"

"A pretty lousy one?" Craig replied in a deadpan tone.

Mysterion took a deep breath before continuing. "We let the prospect of money and babes cloud our judgement. A billion dollars is worth nothing if it means losing a close friend. I. . . apologize."

Craig turned to Wonder Tweek. "Well Tweek, what do you think?" He asked.

Wonder Tweek shrugged. "I. . . accept the apology," He said after a brief silence. "I'm just so sad that you're leaving us, Mysterion."

Mysterion sighed deeply. "You know what's sadder?" He muttered. "You guys probably aren't even gonna remember this by tomorrow morning." With that, he closed his eyes, and his head slumped backwards. His body went limp.

The team stared at their fallen ally for a few moments in horror. Eventually, Toolshed grasped Mysterion's body and hugged it close, crying out, "Kenny! Kenny, no!"

Nearby, Craig turned to Wonder Tweek. "I wonder what he meant with that last statement," He said. Tweek merely shrugged his shoulders.

Next to Mysterion's body, the Coon got to his feet. "You know, Kenny was right," He said, staring off into the night sky. "We did get greedy. We lost track of what makes a superhero and just wanted money. I guess you could say we all have a bit of a Greedy Jew in us. One we have to suppress daily."

"Cartman. . ." The Human Kite warned, narrowing his eyes.

The Coon turned to the rest of the crowd. "Look, you guys, as the representative of Coon and Friends, I'd like to formally apologize for our actions," He informed his schoolmates. "Being a superhero shouldn't be about money. It should be about setting an example to others and being a role model that inspires people. And with that said, we are officially ending the _Coon_ franchise. From here on out, we'll only don our superhero personas to help others."

The crowd responded with half-hearted clapping and cheering.

Nearby, Craig walked up to his family. "Hey, guys?" He said to his parents and sister. "I just want to say I'm sorry. For saying I didn't care about you."

"We're sorry too, son," Thomas replied. "We've been a bit hard on you lately. We should've realized juggling being a superhero, a celebrity and a boyfriend would've been stressful on you."

Laura placed a hand on her son's shoulder. "But I just want you to know we're proud of you," She said. "You'll always be our hero."

Craig smiled in gratitude. Then, along with Wonder Tweek, he embraced his family.

* * *

 _Only one chapter left. Read and review._


	28. Roll Credits

_Nicole980: Thanks._

 _LivingOnLaughs: Your welcome._

 _South Park: Uh, thanks._

 _Without Reprieve: Yeah, Cartman did get kind of second-lined during that battle, but to be fair, it wasn't really his story. And yeah, I just find it amusing when Cartman gives the moral._

* * *

 _"My name is Craig Tucker._

 _Last week I stopped an evil ginger army from killing Coon and Friends and taking over South Park. A lot of people got hurt, but we ultimately prevailed. The members of the Ginger Separatist Organization were grounded and Scott Tenorman was taken into custody and sent to Juvie, where he'll be cellmates with Trent Boyett._

 _After the battle, the kids were all reunited with their parents. They were sooo happy. Meanwhile, the members of Coon and Friends did good on their word and cancelled all their franchise plan. From now on, they would only don their superhero costumes to help those in need._

 _As for me, I repaired my Super Craig costume and rejoined the group. However, I realized that a costume and awesome superpowers doesn't make a hero. The truth is, anyone can be a hero. All they need is a good heart and a desire to protect others._

 _And a willingness to punch people in the face."_

* * *

"That was a nice letter," Tweek said as Craig finished writing in his notebook on the bench.

"Thanks, honey," Craig replied, placing a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. Just as he was about to put his notebook back in his bag, the two heard a pained scream coming from near the playground.

"Oh no, Craig!" Tweek exclaimed, springing up from the bench. "Someone's in trouble!"

"Well it's a good thing we always come prepared," Craig replied as the two exchanged grins. Opening up their bags, the two quickly pulled out their costumes and suited up. Then, they sprang out towards the playground to help whoever was in peril.

On the field, Annie was surrounded by three older girls. The blonde was screaming in agony as one of them, the girl with the hood, violently hoisted her in the air by her underwear.

"Nice pink pony knickers, loser!" The girl giving her a wedgie taunted. The other two laughed maliciously as the smaller girl thrashed around helplessly in the air.

A distance away, Super Craig and Wonder Tweek arrived on the scene. "Hey!" The former called out. "Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"

The three girls turned around and glared at the duo. "And would that someone be you?" The black-haired girl sneered as the other released Annie, who collapsed onto the ground, dazed.

"Actually, yeah," Super Craig replied coolly as the three older girls approached. "We may not be your size, but we could still kick your ass no problem."

"You wanna bet on that?" The cap-wearing girl asked, moments before attempting to snatch the duo, only for them to dodge out of the way in time. They encircled around the trio, putting themselves between the girls and Annie.

"Real cute, kid," The hooded girl said. "But don't think you stand a chance against us. We're bigger than you, and it's three against two."

Just as the words left her mouth, the girls felt a brush of air against them, accompanied by a bright golden flash zipping between them and disappearing just as quickly as it had appeared.

Super Craig smirked. "Looks like someone needs to redo their math skills," He said.

Suddenly, a string of firecrackers was flung at the feet of the trio, unleashing a blinding explosion that caused the girls to stumble backwards, shielding their eyes. "Prepare to meet your end," The gruff voice of Mysterion growled as the masked superhero revealed himself.

As the girls recovered, the hooded girl was zapped from behind by a laser blast. "Check your watch, crime," The Human Kite said as he and Toolshed appeared on the rooftops. "It's kite time!"

"Coon Claws out!" The Coon roared as he sprang through the air, clawing the black-haired girl across the face, leaving four bloody gashes on her cheek.

The cap-wearing girl was shaking in terror, only to freeze up as she felt hundreds of tiny feet on her skin. Looking down, she saw hundreds of black bugs crawling up her body. With a shriek, she thrashed around, trying to brush the insects off her skin, and ran off screaming. As she did, Mosquito flew out from the sky, sending his bug horde after her.

The two girls watched their friend flee, and the hooded girl was grabbed by the collar and yanked down by Super Craig. "I think it'd be best to follow your friend," He said, smirking, before releasing the girl.

Not sparing a moment, the two girls took heed and fled after their friend.

As the three girls fled, Super Craig and Wonder Tweek turned to Annie, who was busy pushing her underwear back in her pants. "You okay?" Wonder Tweek asked, helping Annie to her feet.

"Yeah," Annie said, blushing a bit. "Thanks, you guys."

Super Craig smiled and turned to the rest of the team. "See, that was worth so much more than a billion dollars," He said to them.

"Agreed," Toolshed replied. "I gotta say, ending that franchise plan was the best thing that happened to Coon and Friends. Now we can just be heroes, doing good for goodness' sake."

"It was also lucky that you guys knew there was trouble here," Wonder Tweek said.

Actually, we were coming to tell you that the new movie's premiering now," The Coon explained. "Like, right now. All our classmates are at the theaters."

"Really?" Super Craig asked. "Well shit, what are we waiting for? Let's go!"

* * *

In the movie theater, the kids of South Park Elementary took their seats as they awaited for the film to begin playing.

"This has been the longest week of my life," Gary Nelson said as he and the other hallway monitors sat in a row. "Well, besides our stay at juvie."

"Man, this popcorn tastes like crap," Nelly complained from a row down. "I hope those guys didn't forget to add the butter."

At that moment, the members of Coon and Friends, out-of-costume, rushed into the theater. "Are we late?" Stan asked in a hurry as the group took their seats. "Please tell us we're not late!"

"Don't worry, you made it just in time," Wendy reassured him as Stan sat next to her. "The movie should be starting. . . now."

As if on cue, the film screen flashed. _"Netflix Studios presents the film debut of the Phone Destroyer franchise,"_ The narrator on the screen said.

 ** _"Cowboys vs Indians vs Aliens!"_**

* * *

"Release our princess, cowboys!" Stan of Many Moons commanded to Gunslinger Kyle, who held Pocahontas Randy at gunpoint. A band of Indian warriors stood behind Stan, while a group of gunslingers stood at Kyle's side.

"Tell me," Gunslinger Kyle said, one gun on Pocahontas Randy while the other was aimed at Stan. "Feeling lucky?"

"Save me, Stan of Many Moons!" Pocahontas Randy called out.

"Don't worry, princess!" Stan of Many Moons reassured. "I got this!" With that, he flung one of his axes at Gunslinger Kyle, the ax knocking one of the pistols out of his hand.

"Charge!" Shaman Token commanded, and with that, the Indians surged forward. The cowboys did the same and charged as well.

For the next few minutes, the two sides engaged in a bloody battle, individuals falling on both sides. In the midst of the carnage, Stan of Many Moons and Gunslinger Kyle singled each other out.

"Let this be our final battle," Stan said, brandishing his axes.

"Make my day," Gunslinger Kyle replied, and raised one of his pistols.

At that moment, Storyteller Jimmy sprang upwards. "Well there's no time for that!" He said, pointing one of his wooden crutches into the air. "Because the a-a-aliens are coming!"

"What?!" Stan and Kyle exclaimed as they, along with the other Indians and cowboys, followed Jimmy's crutches and looked up into the air, only to see a spaceship hovering up in the sky.

A beam was blasted towards the ground, revealing none other than Alien Clyde. "This planet is mine!" He declared, flashing his drooling fangs. "Alien Queen Red will be pleased to see I've found her the perfect hosts!"

The Indians and cowboys stared at Alien Clyde, then huddled close together.

"Oh, man," Stan of Many Moons said in fear.

* * *

"Yeah, kick those Indians' asses, Clyde!" Cartman called out to the screen as Alien Clyde poisoned one of the Indian warriors. "Fuck 'em up!"

"Man, this movie is awesome!" Stan said, munching on some cowboys. "And to think, in about a month, _Return of the King of the Drow Elves_ will be coming out!"

"Yeah, I can't wait!" Kyle exclaimed. "I bet that movie alone will make us a billion doll-" He froze, however, when he noticed Craig shooting him a death glare from his seat, along with Tweek. Immediately, the other kids shut up as well.

"Uh, I mean, I bet that movie will instill important moral values to its audience," Kyle corrected, grinning nervously.

Craig kept his glare for a few moments, then turned to stare back at the screen. "By the way, could you guys keep it down?" He said to the other moviegoers. "Me and Tweek are trying to watch the movie."

The other kids complied, zipping their mouths and keeping their eyes on the film. Eventually, Butters piped up and said, "When can we start speaking again?"

Craig paused to pop a popcorn in his mouth, crunching it in his mouth before replying.

"Not until the credits are done."

* * *

 _The End._


End file.
